Thursday, May 31, 2007
I'm always getting bullied by my sister!!! argh!!!!! HMPH. seriously, how many younger sisters do you know who always tease you for the slightest things, like to scare you, like to suan you, etc, etc? Those are supposed to be an elder sister's job!!! how come it's like reversed in my family? no...not reversed in the family, since it doesn't apply between my sisters, but it applies to me!!! not one, but two of my sisters!!!! even my brother's learning from them. boohoo. am i that gullible/tease-able/bully-able? boohoo....tonight's like "let's-bully-our-big-sister-day". sigh.
Anyway, Dad just got back! yay!!! from shanghai. As usual, he brought back a lot and a lot and a lot of junk food, snacks and sweets! yay! And as usual, mum's gonna start playing the "hide the junk food, snacks and sweets from dad" game. LOL. it's all for his own good lah...diabetes mah. i rather die than to get diabetes. Anyhow, the game's good for us kids! it means we get more of the snacks and sweets! haha.
i think, tonight might be one of the rare moments that i actually feel "at home" at home. lol.
Labels: life
9:53 PM
The worst is over. Formatting horror!!! gosh. no offence to the person who created the template for my grp's gpp...(i won reveal who here)...but the way it's created made it soooooo difficult for me!!! argh! i mean, was there a need to break off the table halfway? i mean, fine, it looks good. but it's difficult to edit on. urgh. sigh. ah wellz, it's over anyway.
anyhow, i still got reflections for the film workshop to do. ciao.
whoever said holidays are holidays for us, poor overworked jc students? sigh. even public holiday's not spared.
p.s. yay! aunt just agreed to make fried rice for the film soc potluck. i don have to wake up super early to cook anymore! lol. X)
Labels: rant
6:24 PM
Open office just crashed and i lost all that I've done for PW!!!! darn. this is the first time open office crashed on me. oh well, it's still better than microsoft word. but still...argh.
alright. back to wor
k i guess.
Labels: rant
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Today must be the most holiday-like day i've had since holidays started. it's so fun! must be the rising curve after the minimum point last night. lol.
sherry, sisco and waihan came over to my house to do filming for the 1.5 min short film we are supposed to do for film workshop. Really fun! Almost couldn't get my brother to act, coz he's kinda camera shy and slow to warm up with people. but today, he warmed up surprisingly fast with sherry and sisco! and later on, when waihan came at around 4-5pm, he was quite okay around him too. Or maybe he didn't realise the presence of an additional person? haha.
After filming all the scenes which involved my brother, we thought we'd edit a bit first while waiting for Waihan (who's involved in the last scene). And guess what I found out? My laptop has no firewire port. urgh. I thought it has! argh. And...my old computer which I know has one, since I installed the port myself, was dismantled by my dad without my knowledge. diao.
Tomorrow's a public holiday, so we have got no choice but to edit it on the day of the showcase itself (this friday). Luckily, sean decided to give us more time by delaying the judging by one hour. that gives us 2 hrs to edit on friday...
Since we couldn't do editing as we originally planned, the day's agenda became rather slack! haha. so when we went to the mrt to fetch waihan, we ended up shopping at causeway point before heading back home. I tried on this dress which i kinda like..but i think it makes me look aunty. sherry and waihan says it looks good on me though. hmm...but it's near 40 bucks! it's so not worth 40 bucks...sigh. I'm tempted...shall i be irrational and buy something worth at most 30 bucks at 40 bucks??
Anyway, it's confirmed. Waihan is a shoppaholic. LOL. sherry came up with the theory that rj guys are all more metro than other JCs. lol. waihan bought a red shirt btw...it looked good on him though, so oh well.
oh. and about sisco during our mini shopping expedition....
** Sisco looking bored and sian**
**Sherry went toilet, i went to tryout a dress, waihan was at royal sporting house**
**all three of us meet...where is sisco? waihan says sisco should be at converse. but he's not there!**
**Sisco comes back with breadtalk.** DIAO.
AND THEN....
Sisco: I'm very hungry.
Sherry: Okay, let's get food.
**some discussion on food court or fast food.**
**reaching escalator**
Sisco: Wait, I don't feel hungry anymore. Breadtalk was very oily.
DIAO. lol. sisco is not a good candidate to drag along for shopping. haha.
OH, and our short clip is gonna be filled with bimbotic and metro guys lah! haha. sisco was so bimbotic in his role of "copying homework". LOL. cam whore!!! he rewind back to watch himself like a few times even! lol.
and waihan, when he's supposed to "go sleep", there's a blue puppy soft toy which he hugs to go to bed! diao. lol. a blue puppy soft toy in a "guy's room"??? LOL. (but it's my room lah, btw)
so, after filming, we played bridge, and then dispersed. haiz. such fun...7-8 more days to film soc chalet!!! yay! LOL.
oh, supposed to create film soc blog le...but then there's simply no good name. sherry suggested "weshootyou"...but that's so photog...sigh.
and thanks cq, for coming over to lend me warcraft. =)
and on a random note, i'm keep alternating between advancing and slipping. oh well...heck care already lah. it will pass and i will be alright. but it was such a weird (and unexpected) emotion today. i don't understand myself man.
-------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, something on the friendster bulletin which i did. haha.
125 Crazy Things - How Many Have You done? (I did 65.)1)
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
(x) waste money
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) drank alcohol
SO FAR: 3
2)
(x) liked someone
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight.
SO FAR: 5
3)
(x) had feelings for someone who
didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone out on a blind date
SO FAR: 6
4)
(x) had a crush on an older person
(x) Lent others my bicycle
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone/something die
SO FAR: 8
5)
(x) had/have a crush with one of your
friends
( ) been to Paris
( ) been to Spain
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up from drinking
SO FAR: 10
6)
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
(x) met someone BECAUSE of Maple
( ) been mosh pitting
SO FAR: 12
7)
( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) taken pain killers
(x) love/like someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched
cloud shapes go by
( ) made a snow angel
SO FAR: 14
8)
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
SO FAR: 19
9)
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
SO FAR: 23
10)
(x) used a fake/someone else's ID
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
( ) killed a snake
SO FAR: 25
11)
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed/vandalized
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a reindeer.
SO FAR: 27
12)
(x) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a bicycle accident
SO FAR: 30
13)
( ) had/have braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in
one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
SO FAR: 33
14)
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
SO FAR: 36
15)
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the
world
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like you were dying.
SO FAR: 40
16)
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently coloured with
crayons/colored, pencils/markers.
(x) sang karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
SO FAR:45
17)
(x) done something you told yourself
you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of
beverage came out of your nose
( ) kissed in the rain
SO FAR: 48
18)
( ) written a letter to Santa Clause
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set
with someone you care/cared about
(x) blown bubbles
(x)made a bonfire on the beach
SO FAR: 51
19)
(x) crashed a party
( ) have traveled more than 5 days
with a car full of people
(x) gone roller skating/ blading
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
SO FAR: 54
20)
(x) worn pearls
(x)jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed "penis" at a sport game.
(in dialect.)
( )swimming with
dolphins
SO FAR: 56
21)
(x) got your tongue stuck to a
pole/freezer/ice cube
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex clothes
(x) Sat on a roof top
SO FAR: 59
22)
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( )can do a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than
3 hours
(x) stayed up all night
SO FAR: 62
23)
( ) picked and ate an apple right off
the tree
(x)climbed a tree
(x)had/been in a tree house
( )aren't scared to watch scary movies
alone.
SO FAR: 64
25)
(x) believe in ghosts
( )have/had more than 30 pairs of shoes
( )gone streaking
( )been in jail, remand counted?
SO FAR: 65
Re-Post With I've Done _ Out Of 125
Crazy Things
Labels: cca, holidays, quiz
10:54 PM
I know this is an insane hour. I know i shouldn't be blogging. I know i should be sleeping...especially since i was sick. no, scratch that. i am sick. the fever came back.
but i don't know what on earth came over me. i was just fine just now when i ate dinner. i was laughing while trying to guess zei's crush. i was smiling and joking when i watched miss universe. but i'm not okay. what on earth is wrong with me.
maybe i'm thinking too much again. i shall stop thinking. before slipping back to the vicious cycle.
and i spent the time screwing up my prev layout...finding this new one which fits my mood, not perfectly...but to a large extent.
sigh, i'm so not myself. at least i'm not crying. i'm not emo the way i was a few months ago. maybe my way of emo-ing has changed.
but sometimes the fact that i'm not crying worries even myself.
what on earth is wrong with me..?
i probably should blog in my private blog instead. so that i can blog freely and clear up my thoughts. but right now, the best option is to sleep. there's still filming tomorrow. so i shall sleep. tomorrow i'll blog in the private blog. and possibly attempt to replace that ugly shoutbox flower thingie in my tagboard with one of my own designs.
Labels: life, rant
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I'm convinced that these on-off fever that I'm experiencing these days are closely related to stress. Serious. First time round was after CO SYF. Though I really had no reason to feel any unease since I wasn't involved, I was nevertheless nervous for them. And I felt so exhausted afterwards.
This morning, another bout of that on-off fever, which started from last night. I suppose I haven't been taking it easy these couple of days. So, I'm taking it easy today! and I feel so much better now. haha.
As I was taking MRT to school later in the afternoon when I felt well enough to be up and about, I thought about stuff. And got reminded of people. And I realized, that more often than not, the number of random daily items or occurrence which can remind you of someone is an indicator of how significant the person is to you? Or had been in your life. Just like how jay chou, agatha christie and east coast and many more things remind me of person a. and how salty popcorn and drums remind me of someone else. and how the color yellow reminds me of a third. i associate things and events with people around me. everyone around me...almost everyone is of some significance to me, that is the problem i think.
I think I'm too
Gang Qing Yong Shi already. haha.
I really still miss him. sigh. Oh well, I am still moving on with life! yesh. i mean, what's the use of staying where I were when he doesn't even know that i'm still there? not his fault though...I mean, i was the one who convinced him i moved on. So I shall just keep trying to move on. As long as I don't stop, even if i slip back two steps for every three steps I've taken, I'm still advancing regardless. I may have left a permanent trail which serves to remind me forever of the painful route I've taken, but at least I'll get nearer to the happiness which may be waiting for me in the future?
speaking of which, i think i revealed too much to someone today again. argh. was in a telling-people mood. gosh. shouldn't talk to people when i were emo.
but speaking of which, no one ever notices I'm emo anymore...unless i deliberately wanted the person to know. shan says that's in fact a higher stage of emo, coz i'm not showing it in an obvious way? HUH??? that i'll emo about people not noticing i'm emo..DOUBLE HUH? lol. don't make sense. whatever.
I shall look forward to film soc chalet! lol. about the only sure thing which guarentees relaxation and no work during the holidays now. XS
Watching Miss Universe 2007 now! X)
Maybe being a girl makes me much more critical. But really, at first when I heard Miss Japan won the title (from fransisco), my first thought was that "she wasn't that pretty what..." But watching Miss Universe, I changed my mind. She has style...she was different. She's so confident of herself, and so unpretentious. Open with her movement, and a bit daring. I like her. haha.
maybe not the conventional kind of miss universe, but i like her even better than last year's.
Miss USA's sweet.
And I kinda like Korea's too! so mild...and sweet...as koreans are. haha.
and India's is....
gosh, I'll just run out of adjectives at this rate. haha. I like pretty women!
haha. Weird. It's times like these that makes me feel like...It's not bad becoming lesbian. Haha. So many pretty women to admire every year!!! haha.
Labels: holidays, rant, thoughts
11:36 PM
---------------------------------------
Eug blogged about this.
http://www.buav.org/helpthedogs/home.html
it's disgusting. seriously. and you think that developed countries are supposed to be more civilized than this. shocking how govt ignores stuff out of convenience. and how people can ignore innate human qualities like compassion, or rather, become indifferent when driven by greed. not just the "bosses", think of the staff! what on earth are they thinking as they go about their daily work?!?!
----------------------------------------
Let's see..it's 1.36am now. And I'm blogging about my day "yesterday" which started from roughly 8am? I HAVE NO LIFE. seriously, to be able to blog only at 1.36am. And I'm not even supposed to be blogging. I'm supposed to be doing physics tutorial.
Is this a holiday at all?
Anyway, spent the whole day doing PW. Morning was spent refining the survey questions, etc...for L.T. Apparently, she was kinda suffering from hormonal imbalance this morning? aiya. so yea, we got almost nothing done this morning.
Afternoon, we went to survey the crowd at the Food Expo. Which wasn't very productive either, coz we spent like 2-3hrs trying to get clearance? Met the very nice Expo marketing manage =) and a very nice organiser who bent the rules and allowed us after rejecting us twice. But yet, even after we got clearance, survey responses weren't all that great. Sigh. Ended up having to change our strategy a couple of times. All in all, today was screwed. sigh.
Had fun though, going around sampling free food with zhong, wr and wynne. haha. and i bought three packets of 18s - 3 in 1 vico malt drink! haha. it tastes nice when cooled. but wynne commented it tasted like diluted milo. =S oh wellz, i like it!
and more troubles!!! charissa smsed to say that her folks cannot cater for the bbq! argh! just as i feared. sigh.
AND i have not filmed a single thing for workshop. and we can't meet up tmr to film coz waihan can't make it, sisco's kinda uncontactable, and i kinda have pw anyway. sigh.
AND I HAVE NOT FINISHED MY PHYSICS TUTORIAL YET. physics makeup class is tmr.
and pw has tons of stuff due tmr. which we have to get done by tmr. argh.
and my com gave me a scare just now. it kinda died on me just now. wouldn't start. donno what was the matter. doesn't matter. it's alright now.
tell me why on earth my holidays are busier than my normal school days?
what abt my plans to go rollarblading? to play lan? to play bball? to meet friends up?
argh.
and my brain is not thinking coherently anymore. maybe i should sleep a while, and wake up later to continue attempting the tutorial.
however, i did get the peace and quiet i wanted today. met up with shan after the whole pw ordeal for dinner. though didn't really talk much abt what's really on my mind this time round, it gave me the time to think and sort out. so i think my soul's like calmer now. haha. doesn't mean any of the problems are solved yet though. i supposed, the problems are kinda self-imposed, that's why.all the leaders are away at ccal camp.
Labels: holidays, rant
Sunday, May 27, 2007
I'm a mess. Both physically, emotionally and time-wise.
Physically - Coz my room's a mess. At its messiest for the past 5 mths.
Emotionally - Coz I don't have time to sort it out. And I need time of quiet and peace and non-hecticness to sort it out. I mean, fine, hectic life usually helps. It helps when I've already got a calm and quiet soul, and hectic-ness would mean that I'll have no time to screw it up again. but it really doesn't help when my emotional world is screwed up already and you pile on work onto me. (not that holidays are very hectic so far...but i'm not exactly free either.)
Time-wise - My schedule's all over the place for june! Especially tomorrow! ARGH! I don't know what to put as priority anymore. urgh. one thing for sure. I must do PW. and I must meet chang xing to return money. all else i guess i can put as lower priority?
I need to consolidate my june schedule in one place. desperate.
gosh, i feel so guilty now. and i was slacking this morning before the PW meeting. rawr.
Labels: holidays, rant
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Hmm...What have I done so far?
I've started watching Mahou Sensei Negima. Not quite up to the standards I was hoping, but okay I guess. It's ecchi afterall. haha.
I read a bit for cse.
I did some organising for film soc chalet.
I read a bit of manga (ouran high school host club).
other than that, i stoned.
and throughout the whole day, I wasn't exceptionally sad or emo or anything. But i constantly feel the crying sensation within me anyway. must get a grip. i hate the situation i am in. when you know for sure that you can't get what you want, but you want it anyway, is that helplessness? or just plain stubbornness?
alright! on with my work!!! and more anime/movie watching!!!!!!!!!! WOOT! haha.
Labels: holidays
9:17 PM
I'm really really missing all of the people I mentioned I were missing over the past few days. Out of the list, a few of them especially. It's like, the more I convince myself that it doesn't really matter, the more I am actually missing them. It's eating me inside-out.
It really doesn't help that today's the first day of holidays and there's no more of those "hectic-panic" feelings. It's no longer "OH! IF I DON'T GET THIS DONE BY MONDAY, I AM SCREWED!" It's more like, "Oh! If I don't get this done by the end of the hols, I will be screwed. Which ain't gonna happen coz I have tons of time left." Diao. I'm a procrastinator. I've got to wait till end of the hols to start panicking again. But I'm gonna try stay on schedule and avoid as much of the "hols-end-panic" as possible. I shall get involved in something. That will stop me from missing people.
Thing is, my holidays are not really free. I have something on every week, almost everyday in some weeks. It's just...there's no more of that gang-chiong feeling anymore.
Had my first 10-hours beauty sleep in 6 months. It feels (more than) great!!!! X)
I think I shall come up with a list of "must-dos", "to-dos" and "want-to-dos" projects for the holidays. yesh, i shall come up with them today.
Oh, and the earrings sherry got me last night! =) a photo speaks a thousand words!
It comes with such a nice box! yay! haha. all good things come in small packaging indeed. haha. best things in life on sale! woot! go visit CLIQUE seriously. it's good.
Labels: holidays
1:16 PM
The title. coz this is quite a long post. and there is no one main subject. and my thoughts aren't really in order. haha.
You know, once you fall in love, you can almost never get out of it. until you fall into another i think. and even if you do manage to fall into another, scars will still remain from the previous ones to remind you of them.
I almost cried up there. coz the feeling just rushed back in.
Fine. Most people wouldn't have blogged about this kinda thing. but i have nothing to hide. I'm a normal 17 year old girl with hormonal imbalance. so what that I have a crush i've been trying to get over, on and off in terms of success. so what that i am have "obsession" over two other guys. so what??? i'm 17! i've got the right.
but i'm learning to blog vaguely lah. i guess, under the influence of so many friends.
and it helps to have another private blog.
Bball girls finals. VJC won. barely. it was 53-50. my gosh. we were leading all the way till the last moments lah. sigh. oh wells. as usual, vjc had a lot of cheers with tune in them. i suppose i would enjoy being in vj...but what ever. i like rj! yay! supposedly, ben was there. but didn't have the chance to see him and say hi lah. oh wells.
and vj keep couping our cheers. lol.
i like the perc concert!!! phantom of opera was NICE!!! bingliang got his graduation dream huh? haha.
and it's one of wei's better days..haha. actual thing was better than rehearsals. for a short moment during the songs, his voice actually got back to the "good days" standards. but it fell back again soon. sherry agreed! but overall...not bad! XP
after the perc concert, i started walking to doby ghaut mrt with sherry...passed by cathay building and ended up going in for shopping. SHOPPING THERAPY! haha. it's like so much noiser than the last time i've been there. haha. and lots of nice (but random) shops inside. there's this shop - CLIQUE - lots of random (but unique) stuff in there. saw this pair of earrings which were nice! and cheap too! i thought it'd be ard 26 bucks..? and it was 12 bucks! wow. so, sherry offered to lend me money to buy it! my gosh...i'm so spendthrift. oh wells. but afterwards, sherry decided to just give it to me as belated bdae prezzie! yay!!! i got nice earrings for bdae! haha.
sherry took photo! but forgot to ask her to send me. oh well. i'll take photo of it tmr and post it! haha.
shopping does help moods. but it doesn't solve everything i guess. oh wells, things will blow over as time goes by. at least i have not cried, not even a single tear, for the whole of today, despite having so many reasons and opportunities to. i almost did. but i didn't.
Let's look forward to the holidays instead! yay! film soc chalet! bball with daniel! study groups with shan and sammie! raffles apprentice!!! (lol..free-hugz!~) pw meetings? and many many many many more exciting events!!!!! (like reversathon, which i'm still deciding whether to go or not) yay!
gosh. this sounds like an advertisement. lol.
but yay! HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!
Labels: life
Thursday, May 24, 2007
i'm eating ice cream again! X) seriously..despite keeping to my diet so well in the day, the two ice creams in the week kinda ruined it. =S nevertheless, i need it! chocolate icecream is the way to the realm of true happiness...don you agree? lol.
actually i'm eating cookies and cream flavor. but it's still chocolate in a way so heck with it.
Went down to watch the soccer match between rjc and mjc. before that was a match between vjc and sajc...which gave me a shock. coz for a while i thought the sajc team was from vjc, and it felt like vjc deproved by leaps and bounds! luckily, it was just my sotongness lah. haha.
rjc soccer team is pro lah. but somehow i found the match less exciting than the one between vjc and sajc. maybe coz there were less display of skills..maneuvering of ball. haha. vjc's team work is like the top! haha. but to be fair, there were a couple of rare moments during rjc-mjc match too. like the time when one of the guys did half a backward somersault and kick the ball backwards in the air. LOL. i didn't think that they would do something as experimental as that in an actual match. haha. saw woonie taking pictures of the match..i hope he caught that man! it'll be damn cool to have a picture like that in the sch publications. haha.
there's this tune that is supposedly the soccer cheer...that goes oh~oh~oh all the way then shout raffles! but it's quite difficult to catch in the noise. oh wells. i think i got 90% of it right anyway. haha. shall ask weizhi abt it tmr. if i rmb. haha.
went to the match with arial..but arial had to meet a friend after the match so went home alone. sigh. BUT....guess who i met on the mrt at doby ghaut? daniel! lol. so coincidental. just when i was missing him a few days ago. lol. cannot let him know that or else he'll ego again. LOL. he so ego lah..keep saying how pro he is at soccer. in joking manner of coz. still. LOL. sigh i really miss pri sch. anywayz, he says he was at the matches lah (watching opponents to prepare for nxt yr)...but then, he always make use of how gullible i am..oh wells. haha. promised him to watch him nxt yr if ajc so much as to make it to the semi-finals! pon sch oso go and watch! provided that he actually leaves the bench. LOL. but yea, it's nice to meet, after such a long time. when has it been since the last time we met? 6 mths? haha. yay! three down from my list of pple-i-m-missing. i talked to sammie and shan over the phone ytd...and i met daniel today! haha.
speaking of missing people. i realise i kinda miss jn too actually. but in the different way...i donno how to describe it either. realised that during econs lecture. oh wells.
what's wrong with me man. this sudden missing-people craze. haha
sihui says she cannot go percussion concert le! X( but then she has to spend time with her family lah...so i don't blame her. it's quite difficult for her family to find time to spend together. so...i'm looking for someone to either buy sihui's ticket or sihui offers the ticket for free. to go with me. i asked like everyone already! actually, there's someone i want to ask lah...but a bit awkward? aiya, nvm, i'll see how first.
PERCUSSION CONCERT TOMORROW! YAY! randomness: they are playing canon in d! XP
Dad just left the house for shanghai. again. haiz. i guess i should have gotten used to this by now. it's just that mum and dad never ever had to leave singapore without us so often when we were young before. i know i have friends whose parents are always overseas...and they are closer to their parents...yet they don't mind it so much. but they had the time to get used to it since young. for me, the trend only started like last year? oh wells...i guess it doesn't really affect me since we don't really talk so much at home. but...it stills feels weird you know?
Just realised holidays also got a lot of things to chiong. sigh. GAMBATTE MEIYI! lol.
p.s. i'm starting to get the hang of not thinking so much abt the hp incident. just gotta hand the letter in to mr leong tmr...and see how it goes lah. sigh.
Labels: life, school
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I was a stupid and idiotic girl today. I wrote the best essay I've ever written for this year...the most organised..and possibly the only decent one so far. And I just had to forget that I had my handphone in my pocket. And it just had to ring.
The irony is, no one called me. It was an automatic reminder that I have GP CT today.
Sean commented I'm a dramatic person last night. I should have taken that as a omen. I live in a dramatic family. Right this instance, I have something similar to a soap opera happening in the background. I've become smarter this time round though - I stayed out of it. It's the genes really...I have a dramatic grandmother, a dramatic mother, a father who's influenced by my mother and grandmother and thus become dramatic, and two dramatic sisters. and haoyi is smart enough to stay out of it too. so it's just grandma, mum and sis.
i really wish that i'm in a more normal environment. this just cannot be a normal family. it must be far from normal. it's difficult to imagine other families this way.
maybe i do blog too much. there are things that people normally wouldn't blog about but i do. coz i don't see the need to hide things away. it's a kind of survival tactic for me...so that i can live on with all these going on. only my friends read this blog anyway. i'm hardly what you consider an interesting girl for strangers to want to read this blog.
but really, despite how it may seem, what i blog about is only less than 50% of my life.
now, i worry. about whether my gp will get graded. and i can't even share that with my own dear mom. how wonderful. maybe i'll just keep it to myself once again.
anyway, thx sihui, siyun, my sis (who's busy being dramatic), sammie and 'you-know-who-you-are' for comforting me today. and srry victor and janice (if you happened to chance upon this entry) for my bad attitude today.
srry if i sound bitter on this post. i guess i am quite bitter now. and i think i really have split personality. i amaze myself at times. how i can laugh like that when i feel terrible inside. and yet at times, i simply cannot hold my emotions in? it doesn't make sense.
it's magic. it's quiet now that i'm finishing this post up. how long the silence will last? i donno.
i think i've mentioned frequent enough how often i hate my life.
Labels: life, rant, school
Monday, May 21, 2007
general paper is hardly general at all. or maybe it's too general that i'm lost. stuck. argh.
doing my british council gp essay. or rather trying to do. I AM STUCK. XS
gambatte meiyi. you can do it. just one essay. and one storyboard. that's all that's left for tonight.
boohoo. i swear i'm gonna die before i reach the age of 18.
am i ever gonna get to bed tonight?
Labels: rant
11:33 PM
Today's a weird day..All of a sudden, I started missing various people this evening. I started missing weihao. (yesh, fine. and liyi agrees too...coz you sympathise and have the ability to make people feel better. in case you still have the time to read my blog.) and I'm starting to miss various people....people like royce and eug? and especially sammie and shan. i've not really spoken to the two of them for the past week...in view of my crazy schedule. urgh.
and i'm missing suen. my gosh..i only just met up with her like..last week? or at most two weeks ago. and i only just saw her today. aiyo.
and extremely strangely, i'm missing random pple like daniel, jg, ed and gang. gosh. but i bet if i see them again, i'll stop missing them straight away. hello?!?! missing daniel?? what the hell is wrong with me.
and i kinda miss seng too. but that must be misjudgement on my part. sigh. i don't even wanna bother asking pple how is he nowadays anymore. coz i don think he'll want me asking anyway.
and i miss him. great. fine. seriously...i'm not slipping back to that vicious cycle. just missing. missing doesn't imply anything at all. really. and don forget i'm currently obsessing over two people...so nope, i'm not slipping back. don worry about me. XP
alright...done enough missing. urgh. must get on with work soon...gotta study gp (all thx to naichien's influence lah. shit.). and also finish typing PW's chapter 1...outline...and showcase. diao.
oh, and must do math tutorial. sigh. XS
Oh! and I FINALLY booked the film soc chalet today! YAY! can't wait...haha.
Labels: life, rant
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Eating ice-cream now....chocolate ice-cream is heavenly! <3
some ice-cream humour...from tickle newsletter.
Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams? A. In floats Q: How do you make a dinosaur float? A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur! Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? A: Ice Cream Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a'la mode.
:: this one i don really get it..XSanywayz, planned to wake up at 5+am this morning but ended up waking up extremely late. arrived late by abt an hour at takashimaya for pw meeting. which wasn't really fruitful...but oh wells. in my rush to the meeting, i forgot my piano concert ticket. boohoo. and sis wasn't free to get it to me later in the day. X(
after pw meeting, went to shaw house mcdonalds to buy 23 sets of lunch for the chi opera pple! haha. 92 bucks! my gosh. lol. so anywayz, my whole day was spent with chinese opera and i missed the piano concert. =( sorry wynne. boohoo. i really wanted to watch. sigh.
during the bits and pieces of slack time we get during chinese opera, i did fortune-telling (the 4 aces method zhenggang taught during class camp) for huiying, then later on cy! and cy did for me too! the one cy did was freaky lah...i got exactly the same answers as the one i did earlier on in the av room with huiying. and factual questions like who is the shortest and who is the tallest got correct answers too! One of them i put cy (coz i couldn't think of anymore guys to put..haha. cy's my lesbian partner! lol.) and when i asked who's sitting next to me right now, she came up! really really zun lah. my gosh. maybe the new pack of poker cards is enchanted. LOL.
(oh, title's inspired by fortune telling btw. haha. try annotating the title! got hidden significance one! haha. man, i miss literature.)
i think i shall sleep early today lah. tmr still got film soc visit to mediacorp. hmm. which means i'm still lagging behind in bleach by 2 episodes. aiyo. =( when on earth am i gonna get the time to do what i like???
my mum just came in to nag at me about studying. ok. i shall study tomorrow morning. must not neglect my studies!!!! hey! i did china studies on the mrt today okay?? XP
Labels: weekend
Friday, May 18, 2007
I know why fridays are considered weekends. They have the sneaky effect of causing the illusion that there is lots of time. That tomorrow, it's finally saturday and sunday and we can finally sit back and enjoy a relatively slower pace of life.
But, forgetting that tomorrow I'm booked for the entire day..and i mean ENTIRE DAY. 8am to 9pm. and Sunday from 2pm onwards. hmm...let's not forget that I still have tons of work to catch up on, lecture notes to go through and i don't understand/remember 80% of what we are learning. SIGH.
yet, fridays still make me wanna slack. and that's kinda what I am doing now. though not really i guess, coz i did some admin work today (on planning chalet! yay!) and i did some math. but i'm still relatively slacking. am offically 2 episodes behind in bleach now..maybe i shall watch it tonight. or wake up 5am tmr morning to watch. hmm.
physics spa today was easier than i expected...but then, i still screwed up small time. i plotted 5 points instead of 6. sigh. but other than that, no major stuff. at least not that i realised. sigh. remind me why did i take physics again?
Sean's baby girl is cute!!!!! provided that he's not lying to me that baby is really his baby. hmm. i know i'm gullible sometimes lah. But it's cute nevertheless. I put the photo as my desktop wallpaper le. I WANT A BABY TOO! opps. haha. but she's really kawaii in the photo. almost as kawaii as my bro. lol.
and i bought a pack of cards today! finally, a normal pack of poker cards. lol. then i don't have to worry about destroying the wonderful pictures on my other decks of cards. lol. but jeanette wasn't in sch today (hmm...guess why?) and i didn't get my daily dosage of cards. argh. =(
and jared is funny. i asked for his chi name (so that i can submit his name to mediacorp security for the film soc mediacorp outing), and he really smsed his chi name - in chinese. lol. the rui word so chim lah...din noe how to read it at first.
I WANNA WATCH BLEACH NOW. but i have a sneaky feeling that my mum's gonna come nag at me to sleep soon. maybe i'll really wake up at 5am tmr morning.
RG Chinese Opera! Gambatte on tomorrow's performance!!! X) huiying, let's own at the lighting tomorrow. LOL. if there's anything to own in lighting in the first place. haha.
i shall strive to un-jam my june hols schedule. coz right now it's a bit screwed. must put studies priority! squeeze it into the schedule!!!! common tests!!!!!
and i din practise zhongruan for the whole week this week. though i kept telling myself i must go practise! argh. =( tsk. then monday i got something on. aiyo. i think i really have to bring back the zhongruan le lah.
Labels: school, weekend
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I'm tired. I'm so tired that I sleep like a log. That I almost didn't wake up for the past two mornings because I slept so deeply that I almost didn't here my alarm nor feel the vibration. Craziness.
And I'm having extreme mood swings. Not so obvious anymore, but yesh, I'm having them. Been slipping in and out of emo-ness today. Sigh. Got kinda irritated with a few guys in class...because of their childish behaviour during lecture. But more so because they litter the school. Call it a pet peeve but I simply cannot stand people who litter the school consciously and intentionally. Think of it, who are the ones who ended up having to clean up our mess? At least be a bit more considerate lah.
But other than that, I guess I was simply tired. From the sea of work (with no end in sight), but also from obsession I guess. man, I hate my hormones. I mean it. obsessing is tiring. esp when both objects are out-of-reach...and i'm not even supposed to be obsessing over them. haiz. it's wrong to obsess. =( i HATE my hormones. urgh.
Card games are therapeutic though. Played 3 hrs straight of bridge, dai-di and bluff with Jeanette, Jared and guy (opps, i forgot his name again. XS) ! Laughed so much during bluff that the thought of it makes my stomach ache. i cheated every single round and get caught every single round that it became a pattern! i just anyhow cheat! cheating is fun! LOL. played with Jared before actually...but i only remembered him as 'the guy with nice playing cards'. haha. coz his cards got pictures of clouds, are very small and smooth...very nice to play with. haha. anyway, he may be joining fim soc! yay! yesh, if he joins, we'll officially have 12 J1 members. LOL. small and cosy as sherry says. X)
finally did some work tonight. but still got plenty of stuff to catch up on.
sigh. and mediacorp trip ended up having such pathetic attendence XS only 4 pple going as of now?!?! haiz....and i'm supposed to be sending sean the list of pple. how to send when the seniors are not replying me!!! argh!!!!!!
stress.
i think i'll die by the age of 18.
Labels: school
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Believe me. I really really love to blog. I need to blog. but my mind is really dead these few days and i just don't have the energy to recount what happened, think it through, and blog. argh. i'm super tired lah. work piles high, and i'm not doing 80% of the work i'm supposed to do. i was so tired that i actually typed "imposing" as a verb for "imposter" in one of my tags. Diao.
But, as tired as I may be, I still need to say this. I was strangely affected by councilor investiture. I mean, I know it doesn't concern me at all. I'm not the one being invested..I'm not the one who's gonna leave school soon. But I felt a lot...I guess I was just touched? or maybe more than that. or maybe it's just coz I've gotten to know quite a few pple in council, and they are pple who really touched my life, whether they realised it a not. they are very very important people in my life, and i think they will be for many years to come, even if i've graduated, am a working adult and never ever see any one of them again.
I guess Sihui may be partially right about the emptiness theory. I'm already feeling sad about J2s leaving. I think i may cry when they actually leave. Imagine them seeing me cry when they thought they are not all that close enough to me for me to cry? haha. they'll be shocked i think. I think i feel too much, emote too much.....get attached too easily.
let me add that i actually ponned china bicultural programme to watch investiture. that's how important it was to me. to watch them getting invested. to watch the seniors say their goodbyes. don't tell me i'm being extra...coz maybe i am. but i don't care.
i shall sleep. and allow my brain cells to regenerate.
oh. and we did a pretty cute sequence during workshop yesterday with the random footages i recorded. shall upload it on youtube one day. completely unprofessional. completely slapdash. but cute. haha.
and did i mention that i'll most probably get single digit mark for the recent econs test? 15mins left and i was only halfway through part a.
argh. don't think so much le. don't blog about everything. SLEEP.
I feel like playing need for speed soon. Mr Holidays, can you please come soon?
and i'm lagging behind bleach by two episodes! haven watch ep 125 and ep 126 is coming out tmr! argh!!!!!
Labels: life, school, thoughts
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
I think I'm generally a happier person right now. But sometimes, life is still difficult. Maybe it really is because of the age 17. And I have no one to tell anymore...ever since 'then'. It feel as though every time I allow myself to open up, I get hurt. Every single time I try to get closer to the family, to connect with mum, and maybe even dad, I get hurt even more. I just made my mum angry again, despite doing exactly what she wanted, answering every one of her question straight, not hiding a single detail. I want to give up. Maybe I'll just waste my life away. This is simply getting too tiring, trying to make my life better. Whatever I do, something is always wrong it. Or rather, maybe something is wrong with me, myself, the person.
I don't feel like blogging details anymore. I'm noticing that I'm starting to refrain from blogging about my problems in details. Am I changing again?
Work is piling...and my mood doesn't help. I'm always either obsessing, or something happens and i get too depressed. i need the holidays. desperate.
maybe i'll blog again later..when my mood gets better. this entry doesn't seem to have much substance.
Labels: rant
Monday, May 14, 2007
A pick up line i found online...i thought it sounds quite sweet. but fiz thinks it's bad. haha.
A few more which I kinda liked..
Do you know why the sea is salty? Because you took all the sweet.I'd buy you a drink, but I'd get jealous of the straw.Horoscopes are interesting. The sun signs (the ones that most of us know about) tell about your general personality...but i find that the venus signs really tells a lot...
i'm a taurus for sun...AND A PISCES IN VENUS! X)
read about my venus sign!
http://www.cafeastrology.com/zodiacpisces.html#venuspiscesi'm like super fascinated with horoscopes now. haha.
-------
Supposed to be either 1) Writing my gp essay for british council, 2) doing pitch and logline for workshop tomorrow, 3) studying for econs lecture test tomorrow, or 4) doing math tutorial. None of which I am doing simply coz I'm not in the mood. I tried to start on the essay...and on pitch and logline. but it didn't work. sigh.
Found out the Stacy and Eugene (the Ho family..LOL) are canto! LOL. i refuse to lose to eug. i must practise my cantonese!!!! stacy gave me random phrases to translate as practice. lol. thanks stace! shall win eug tmr!! or at least win him one day...maybe i should start speaking in canto at home for practice. lol.
oh, and the lockers are here!!!! yay! shall bring my lock tomorrow.
Practised my scales on the mini-amphi piano today during the free block before GP. Maybe I shall practise guitar later...instruments are starting to become excuses for me to procrastinate my work. better than stoning around looking into thin air, i guess. haha.
Went back rg to watch/help out (not sure how much i've helped though) chinese opera rehearsals! X) I think several of the juniors did even better than us last year! yay! haha. Practised a few more times on the kschee theatre piano...rg pianos are waaaaaaaaay better than rj's! but the lighting and sound system sucks, when compared to rj. i thought rj's performance facilities were bad, but now i get reminded how bad rg's performance facilities are. haha.
finally, thanks CQ! X) for sending me all the bleach songs. except for asterisk. which fate refuse to allow me to have. diao. my stupid router keeps dc-ing me. =(
and i still haven watch bleach ep 125 which i have downloaded ages ago! (actually, last thurs.) i need 48hrs a day man. either that, or learn to plan my time more wisely. sigh.
Labels: quiz, random, school
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Today's a rather meaningful day i think...despite the fact that i didn't get any work done.
Went for ORA carnival today...This year's ORA's held rg. Took the old bus route to school....which brought back a sense of familiarity. (How i miss going to school by bus. why isn't there a bus to RJ?) I would have thought I was wearing rg pinafore..but then some of the scenery along the bus route changed and served as constant reminder that time had passed and i'm no longer in rg. Strange..I didn't really enjoy my time in rg on the whole yet I miss it. Life is strange.
Anyway, there was a traffic jam...some accident involving a car and a motorcycle I think (which is why I refuse to help dad keep the secret back when he was trying to secretly drive a motorcycle). As a result, (on top of me waking up late), i made suen waited for me at rg for nearly an hour. Sorry Suen!!! XS
The ORA's okay...i think it's getting better and better every year in fact...slight improvements every year...but the main point is that i wanted to see my juniors again. that plan kinda failed. the only juniors i saw were kweky and ilisa. but it's nice seeing them again! yay!
And it's nice spending time with suen..I realised that since i've gone to jc, i don't even get the chance to see a lot of my friends anymore. At least in sec 3 and 4, i get to see suen along the corridors or canteen almost everyday. and if i need to talk to her or tell her something or meet her up, i can just go down one storey to her classroom and find her. now it's not so simple anymore..Remember that back when it was the end of sec 2, we said we wanted to graffiti on the graffiti wall in far east when we graduate in sec 4? but then now it's painted over. graffiti walls are no longer graffiti-able. why didn't we do that?
suen left early. and i went back to school to ask mr ong about my cca records. it seems that there's gonna be some complications. but things will work out lah...no point worrying about it. haha.
and so, i walked around a bit more...strayed into the KSChee theatre...and saw...Chinese Opera! my gosh...i didn't know they were practicing. siqi and fangyan's going back to perform again..and i was last minute roped in to help out with lighting! yay! CY's gonna go back to help out with sound..the music really reminded me of the chinese opera days...maybe that's one of the reasons that made me miss rg. chinese opera and library.
after the rehearsals are over..CY started teaching me piano on the piano in the theatre. It felt so good...much better than the one in the mini-amphi. lol. but yay! i learnt fingering and i shall practice! on rj's pianos..boohoo. coz my keyboard is still spoil and i have no time to go and get it fixed. X( i think CY can be a good piano teacher! yay!
and we went around orchard for 4hrs+ trying to get a present for CY's friend. and ended up getting nothing. haha. thing is, CY's like me. the kinda person who puts a lot of thinking into getting birthday prezzies. so i can sympathize. haha. but i saw the perfect present for a very close friend. an A4 notebook which costs $36. ouch. but it's like made for her! sigh. oh well, it's a few more months away...i still got time to save. and i made the guy promise that he'll have it in stock then. not everyday that i see something this perfect. and it's really a very very very close friend.
i was telling CY...i notice that when friends get closer, they tend to spend more on each other's presents. but, as they get closer and closer, they get to a point when presents start getting cheaper and cheaper...but more meaningful. it's like, you are so close, that you don't really care about presents anymore. which explains my curry puff to sammie this year. lol. opps...am i giving excuses? but thing is, this friend of mine, who i cannot name in case she reads this...i've not given her a proper present for the past few years. so i guess $36 justifies it?
sammie, your turn will come! X) when i see the perfect prezzie...haha. XD
Thanks CY, for spending time with me today.
and i am obsessed. sigh. 17 is a fun age. but troublesome. yet i'm happy now...coz of various factors. it's difficult for one to be completely carefree at this age afterall. i'm learning to accept it. haha.
i think my relationship with my parents is getting better recently? but maybe it's becoz both my mum and i are starting to compromise on stuff...at least there has been no major disagreement for the past two weeks.
and she's starting to see the demands of my life and trying not to be too hard on me. i think. she's starting to see my way of thinking...starting to understand what i want out of my life?
Thank you Lord. and that is sincere.
no. i'm still not christian. don bother trying to figure me out.
shoots. my mum just came in to tell me that we are going to malaysia to celebrate mother's day. and that clashes with my pw group
meeting. argh. maybe i can try to convince my dad to eat in singapore...yesh.
Labels: life, school, thoughts, weekend
Friday, May 11, 2007
It's weird...but i found out that it's not entirely about escapism. but it's not entirely unrelated to escapism either. I actually came to terms with what i'm escaping from. And the weirdest thing is, I don't feel worried about it. haha.
I AM LIKE SUPER BEHIND MY WORK. sigh. heck lah. but the post-it helped a bit. yay!
I think I shall go back to rg tmr for ORA. yay!
actually there's lots to blog about. but simply not in the mood to blog so much. maybe later...or tomorrow.
sad. i wanna watch dance night. =(
Labels: life
Thursday, May 10, 2007
RJCO got gold for co syf. nothing to be sad about, just...expected. I was thinking as I listened that we might be in the middle of gold or silver...and i think the 'qi fen' kinda pushed us towards the gold..but everyone put in so much effort and did such a great job. it all boils down to nervousness lah. yay! rjco rock!
and i shall buck up in picking up zhongruan. preferably before the seniors leave. maybe i shall stay back aft sch sometimes on my own to prac..which means i'll have to find a way into the rjco store on non-prac days. hmm.
Actually, I shouldn't be blogging. I'm having a pounding headache. the kind that goes knocking on your skull screaming "knock knock! are you unconscious yet?". oh, not to mention a on-off fever which goes on for half an hour and then off again, only to return 15mins later. urgh. but surprisingly i can still think coherrently. this post is still quite coherrent so far right?
So...after syf, RJCO tanbo went for section dinner! and i was damn high, laughing at every single thing and being ultra lame. i think i was siao. yesh. 'laughter is the best medicine' says xinhui...then why am i still having headache now?
conclusion: rjco tanbo = a bunch of crazy psychotic people
oh, and i conclude that singaporeans are still quite friendly lah. i took the lorry with the percussion people (with the instruments) back to school and we waved at random motorists. 16 out of 21 waved back. yay!
and sihui....thing is, i realised what sihui say makes sense...even if it doesn't really apply totally. the fact that i feel more comfortable with seniors (or juniors) is not going to work in jc. it may have worked back in rg, but not now. soon, the seniors will leave and i'll be 'senior-less' for 6-8mths? i don't think i'll feel empty like sihui says, but i should still start mixing with my batch more? hmm...
sihui cheer up! =))
everyone's beat. and i'm lagging behind on this week's work plan. crap.
shall i go to school tomorrow? i should right? but i feel awful now. urgh. i think i shall go to school and then see how first. sigh. but i've not done a single piece of work...crap. and i'm getting super disorganised. shall attempt to get organised again. 1st thing - list all the things that i'm supposed to have done but have not done. argh. now that ghar project post-it pad i bought from joo comes in handy! yay! X)
sometimes, i feel that my laughing is a form of escapism. I don't really know how true is that coz i really do feel happy. But my laughing's going a bit out of control? especially this week..way too high for no apparent reason. okay, maybe not without reason...but the reasons are not enough for me to high till that extent. but if it's a form of escapism, what am i escaping from?
i think i'm getting the hang of it now though. jc life i mean. maybe i am happier really, just that i'm not used to it so it felt unreal? and i am starting to learn how to handle stuff?? maybe not in the best manner possible..but i'm handling. life is all about give and take afterall.
aiya, go sleep le lah. headache, go away lah.
Labels: life, school
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
One of the many stuff that Hongyi always forwards to me...but then it's one of the rare ones which are quite...meaningful. Of coz, i took out all the chain mail stuff...like the pass it on stuff...as far as possible lah.
----------------------------------
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders sogg from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you HAVE an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you !
--------------------------------
True to a certain extent? I thought so...and it made me realize some stuff from the past too. Weird huh? Such a simple cliche chain mail, and it actually gave me new insights. haha.
I shall sleep. =)
Labels: random
11:21 PM
I've not blogged for two days again. and i've given up on being surprised already. haha. welcome to jc life. bleh. X(
Anyway, I was at bridge IHG....and guess what? I think I pulled BB's score down due to my dumbness. =( oh wells....I would have pulled it further down if not for Jeanette's sharpness..so i guess that's a bright side. LOL. so yay! and we had fun! Was so high lah...floating bridge is therapeutic..especially after around 12 games of contract bridge? haha. and the whole time during the games I was craving for egg tart! lol. of all randomness. anywayz, I laughed so much that my stomach hurts. it feels good to be able to laugh like that occasionally. but i bet i'll get stomach ulcer one day if i laugh like that everyday. haha XP and after the a few more rounds of "social bridge" (floating)...after my brain "floated about" and I played nonsensically and acted like a madwoman...Jeanette accompanied me to J8 to eat "nice" eggtarts from crystal jade! yay! and jeanette tried Portuguese eggtart for the first time! yay! lol. portuguese eggtarts are therapeutic too! X)
And yay! we are going to have a chalet for film soc! i think. hmm....but i want a chalet so i shall make it happen no matter what!~ lol.
ANNNNDDDD....tomorrow's CO SYF. *gasp* good luck people! RJCO IS THE BEST! WOOT! lol. Bingliang just messaged me to say that i should report at 10am. so thanks to SYF (i'm helping out moving percussion instruments), I'll be missing physics lecture tomorrow. which also means i'll be missing the physics lecture test.......heeheeee....XP
shuacks. i'm still fantasizing. lol. but it's fun to fantasize. heh. XP i hope it doesn't grow to be too much of an obsession though. help shan...sigh. hmm..on a side note, i didn't see him around in school today. =(
Note: This is not the same person as last time. and i am not emoing. aiyo. the "falling" msn nick is supposed to be a happy one, not an emo one lah! look for an underlying meaning mah. anyhow, i changed my nick le..haha.
more random stuff that i suddenly thought of: and I realise I'm growing off Regina Spektor. maybe I'm listening to her too much. yikes. but I'm going back to my old love - Evanescene! WOOT! they rock.
Labels: life, school
Monday, May 07, 2007
the first question of the math tutorial i am attempting tonight ends with utter frustration. I GIVE UP! urgh. I HATE MATH. most of the time. X( now i don't even have the mood to attempt the rest of the questions. haiz. can i just fail math for a levels?? i surrender.
Labels: rant
10:09 PM
LOL. what on earth is wrong with me man..
But obviously one cannot be high in the on-ecstasy-sense for two days consistently. But I'm in a good mood. =) and I mean GOOD. lol.
So good that Shan was praying I'd go back to my emo self and stop torturing her with occasional squeals of joy. LOL. But i was insanely high that night...in the ecstasy-sense. haha. No longer on ecstasy..nope. On morphine this time. haha. (Got that from Grey's! Yay! finally got to watch an episode last night~yay! watched bleach ep 124 too! It good. yesh. can't wait for nxt ep!!!! XP)
Anywayz, got home early today, but went out to film footages for tomorrow's film workshop! yay! I LOVE FILM. and tonight is good! coz I just realised I'm not as screwed tonight as i thought. One, there's no Econs tutorial tomorrow, so I don't have to finish the essay by tonight. Two, I was blur and thought that physics lecture test is tomorrow. till i realised that there is NO physics lecture tomorrow! silly silly me...lol. So that reduces my workload to just the movie review on cinematography of kill bill, and math tutorial. sounds manageable. yay! can sleep tonight!~!! =)))
Haoyang's fault lah! Made me thought that physics test is tomorrow. X( LOL. he was like so gangjiong over it. haha.
oh, and PE electives!!! they kicked floorball out of the list. boo! =( but there's windsurfing! and padded weaponary! and other really really cool stuff! yay! =) there's this expedition to mount ophir too, which i'm really interested in coz it looks so pretty...and sounds real fun...but then the teacher says that it might be quite expensive. XS wonder if mum will let me go on such a trip...
YAY! seriously, i'm starting to think myself as insane being so high for so long. LOL. arggghhh...haha. was happy...then after cse...something happened (related to the first), and i was high for like 2 hours! after pe calmed down again, but still in GREAT mood! gosh. i am insane! how can something so minor keep me high for two whole days??? LOL.
gosh, nobody except sammie and shan knows what i am talking about....muahahahahaha. LOL.
i shall blog in my livejournal again!!!! yay! so far my livejournal's full of positive (but private) stuff~~ lol. but don bother visiting my livejournal. so far it's all private entries. haha.
p.s. downloaded this windows media player plugin which automatically searches for lyrics to the song you are listening to..it works for chinese songs too! quite cool! =)
http://www.wmplugins.com/ItemDetail.aspx?ItemID=916Labels: school
Saturday, May 05, 2007
I AM HIGH! lol. (just got back from college play btw =P)
and for randomness sake, for the fourth time in the week, i forgot to buy shower creme. and since anything other than shokubutsu or baby johnsons give me a rash of some kind, my back's been itching somewhat. =( i need my shokubutsu!!!! XP
haha. usually i'm high for no particular reason, and even if there were some kind of reason to my highness, i wouldn't be able to pinpoint it. but today, i know exactly what made me high! X)
but i shan't say it!!! LOL. i think people who know me well enough might know roughly why i'm high...and people who know me well plus spend time with me recently might even know exactly the subject matter! haha. afterall, many things make me high, but not many things make me high AND irrational. LOL. insane!!!!! WOOT! lol.
anyway, i thought the plays tonight was done better than last night. but it may be because i have had the leisure to focus more on enjoying them than on the camera! haha. yay!
and i didn't eat dinner alone tonight! yay! X)
and i shall blog a private entry in livejournal tonight! yesh! lol.
P.S. the only bad thing to being high now is that i can't follow my plan and work on that script of mine coz i'm no where near the depressing mood right now. haha. but who cares? I'M HIGH! YAY!
Labels: weekend
11:48 PM
Today's not a very constructive day. I've not completed a single piece of work, abandoning each (such as econs essay, etc) halfway done, or even 5 minutes into the task. I couldn't even read the Final Cut book I borrowed without zoning out, which is really unusual coz usually i get so engrossed in a book I don't even know what's happening around me. The only constructive thing that I've done was to watch hard candy. And even that was done with me distracted/zoned out half the time. sigh. What is wrong with me today...
Oh wellz, going back to school today to help Cat film the college play. in fact, wearing school uniform now already. shall have to chiong all the unfinished work tomorrow instead. no point forcing yourself to finish it when you know you are just going to waste your time zoning out. Maybe later in the night, I'll get more into the mood. Then maybe I'll work a bit more on that idea of mine, and actually come out with a rough structure for the plot. if there's gonna be a plot at all, that is.
Labels: weekend
Friday, May 04, 2007
True, I was having lonely panic attacks earlier on in the night again. But I'm okay already. The title's something adapted from what I've written today. YESH. I started fooling around with that little idea of mine for a script. wrote bits and pieces here and there which may or may not find their way into the script. HAHA. i'm like that lah. slapdash working. never once organised. but if i don't work this way, i'll never start...i wouldn't know how to start. so yesh. actually the proper method would be to start with a rough storyboard i think? but i couldn't think of the feel without anything concrete, so ended up staring at the empty boxes for quite sometime and gave up soon after. and then i wrote those abstract stuff.....during math tutorial. LOL.
at least these bits of stuff i've scribbled got the feel down....and most importantly, lighten my sentence of procrastination by quite a considerable amount. LOL.
After school I successfully ponned physics makeup lesson (with permission from the tcher XP) and went to support squash! YAY! matthew was there too, and he tapped me on the back. i spinned around twice and still couldn't see him....so embarrassing!!!!! X) lol. oh wells, i blurqueen mah. haha. the nickname's like becoming consolation to me. hee...and shan's right, my fondness for that nickname is growing. it's just something from the childhood...
btw, i took taxi from kallang back school and the taxi driver thought i was sec 1. XS
why everyone always mistake me for someone much younger?? I'm 17!!!!
but we lost to ACSI. BOO. =( managed to catch samuel, james and ernest in action...and they played well. only that the lineup of players was screwed. i agree with kaiqi....if we rearrange the lineup a bit and match them with each others' opponents, we could have won. sigh...but samuel was PRO. lol. he made squash look effortless...he just stood in the middle most of the time and made his opponent run around. it's like Moses and the red sea...samuel just stood in the middle and made the ball and his opponent go wherever he wanted. okie...weird comparison. fine. haha. but it felt legendary....lol.
Cabbed back to school and filmed RP's production...sigh. i kinda created trouble for Cat by spilling coke on the floor. =( but other than that it was fine i guess. and i agreed to go back tomorrow night to film again too. haiz. i donno what made me agreed. lol.
And it wasn't as bad as how fransisco had put it. afterall, if i'm not wrong, samuel beckett's works are quite abstract in nature in the first place. so i guess RP just chose the wrong audience? lol. but it's quite understandable lah....not that abstract till you don't understand what's going on. not like how fransisco put it..."don't understand a single thing after the whole play's over".
in fact, i kinda like "come and go". =) and "rough for theatre II" too...
opps...left this window hanging and completely forgot what else i wanted to blog about. lol. aiya, guess i'll sleep le. maybe i'll watch a movie tmr morning. lol.
p.s. i feel like i've sinned. coz i was a complete spendthrift today. i spent like 20 over dollars!!! taking taxi to school in the morning, then taxi from kallang to school...=( on top of food of coz..so this gives me added motivation to restart my diet! and actually stay on it! yesh!!! hahaha. to punish myself from having spent so much. lol.
Labels: school
Thursday, May 03, 2007
I slept from 10.30pm last night and yet I couldn't wake up. WOW. I must have been seriously overworked for the past week. LOL.
:::: Rumour says that Qiongye got locked inside TJC last night till this morning. amazing, after all that still come to school. so that's why he went back early to rest. hmm...shall ask him about it tmr. but i think it's quite cool to be locked in a school! haha. but i guess i'll get scared if i was alone lah...haha. wonder if he was alone there?? ::::I FINALLY COMPLETED THE EDITING FOR STREET DANCE CIP VIDEO! WOOT! haha. The sense of accomplishment is incredibe! YAY! Originally, I thought I could finish the video with another hour's work....ended up having to spend another 3 hours plus. haha. Most of it was spent on editing of the sound though. Recieved soooo much help today! Must thank everyone, regardless of whether they read my blog a not. lol. Naichien for company for the first hour, and figuring out how to format the external hard disk. Matthew for coming up to the com lab especially to show us how to use audio keyframes. Xinzi from streetdance (hopefully i didn't remember her name wrongly) for coming up to give us a music file...which we last minute decided not to use unfortunately. XS sorry for having wasted your time xinzi! and F'Sisco! For giving so many ideas and sharing his experience~ and also for the music file! LOL. YESH! THE STREETDANCE CHAPTER OF MY FILM SOC EXPERIENCE IS FINALLY OVER! or almost over anyway. still gotta export the video out tmr. haha. but think naichien's doing it instead? coz i'm kinda busy tmr...haha.
So, what am I doing tomorrow?
- School - as normal, obviously
- Support Squash match! YAY! ernest sam n james gambatte!
- Watching College Play (and filming it. Cat asked me last minute coz she forgot to arrange for someone. so yea.)
So...after school, I'll go kallang. match starts at 2pm (according to samuel) and i'll most prob have to leave early and get back to sch by 5.20pm to get the tripod from naichien, then report to cat by 5.30pm. so yesh. i'll be busy. YAY!
Honestly, I don't know if this busier lifestyle's good for me. But it does help my mood to a certain extent I guess. Coz with a busier lifestyle, all I can do is to get on with my life and there's no other options. I watch them at a distance, and even then, i don't get so moody. there's just no spare energy to get moody. in fact, i saw so many people who i would rather not have seen (at least not for this while) around school for the past two days. and I visit friends' blogs to keep in touch with their lives. so yea. less chance for me to get sensitive i guess. haha.
And the sense of accomplishment! it must be one of the best things in life. X)
i shall sleep early tonight yet again! yay!
Labels: school
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
LOL. At least I didn't emo today.
Got back the econs lecture essay test scripts. As predicted, I failed. by 0.5 marks. ARGGGGGGHHHH! I wouldn't feel so argh if I did worse. Like maybe 7marks. Cause that would mean I deserve it. but failing by 0.5marks somehow gave me an illusion that I could have written one or two more sentences and actually pass the test. =( but I guess I feel quite happy about my results, despite feeling. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. So, I guess it helps sometimes to have extremely low expectations. haha. But if I fail another econs test next time, I'm definitely running to Candy for help.
Got back my China Studies essay test script too..Very unexpectedly, I passed! WOOT! despite not having studied properly for the test. haha. I only barely passed with 10/20 though. =X i think Ms Lim was lenient when marking my script nonetheless. I sound evil...but i'm really glad I'm not the last in class! XP coz i really expected to be the worse in class. haha. considering my "passion" for china studies, it wouldn't be surprising at all if i get last in class for all my tests. so this is rather shocking. haha.
China bicultural today was quite a waste of time. Didn't learn much new things today at all. Most of what was covered I know since I was young. That comes with being in a semi-traditional family i guess. Today's topic was on taboos and tradition...and the speaker didn't feel very knowledgeable either. maybe she just underestimated us and thus only covered such basic stuff? the things she covered felt basic to me...not sure about how the others feel..
Oh, and i saw the posters for the taiwan immersion programme in the lifts. I WANNA GO! anyone wanna apply with me? haha. oh wellz, shall ask weiren for the details tmr.
Spent THREE AND A HALF HOURS on editing street dance cip video today. what I've come up with in the three and a half hours was a FOUR MINUTES AND 27 SECONDS VIDEO. hmm. people, now you see how much work is behind any film le bah. and this isn't even a narrative. just some kinda event showcase. gosh. but i feel damn accomplished now. haha. i love editing, and i don't care if it's tiring or whatsoever...it does get boring after a while sometimes, depending on what you're editing. but i still love it regardless. X)
yesh, i shall sleep early tonight. i shall sleep now. almost couldn't wake up this morning. this is what they call accumulated fatigue. *yawn* goodnight! =)
(my gosh, i must be breaking another record. sleeping before 10pm when i'm neither sick nor tired from 2.4km run. haha)
P.S. CONFIRMED. WE ARE DOING MOMOFUKU ANDO FOR GROUNDBREAKERS FOR OUR PW! WOOT! SUCH AN INTERESTING TOPIC. lol.
Labels: school
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
This shall be a very long post...so long that I don't know where I shall start. Maybe it's coz I've been absent online for nearly 48 hours, or maybe it's just because I've been thinking a lot today. I think emo-ing can be categorized into several categories. One being the ultimate depressing kind of emo, the other a sad but melancholic kind of emo, and the third is one when you feel detached and emotionless, like what I felt today.
Morning was occupied by CO SYF rehearsal. Obviously, I'm not good enough to take part. But I'm gonna help the percussion people move their instruments on and off stage, so Bingliang told me to go. He ended up having no time to instruct us on how to move the instruments, so we ended up sitting there throughout the practice and listen to them play the SYF pieces over and over again. Interesting point to note, I'm the only J1 helping out with percussion. The rest are J3s. LOL. And there's Waiying! wow. It's been so long since I've seen her...I actually forgot why I know her and she had to remind me that she was my library senior. Now I remember! She was always with Xinyi! LOL.
I could have left an hour or two earlier actually, but since I'm having PW group discussion in the afternoon, there really was no point. So I ended up staying for the whole thing, and waited for Weizhong so that we can go to East Coast to meet up with Weiren and Wynne for PW. It was a good meeting I think. At least we came out with something that interests Ernest. LOL.
I took the bus home with Wynne afterwards. Wynne had to alight first, so I had a lot of time to think. And I thought. Back at my own actions and words for the day. And found myself very self-absorbed. Why? And I wasn't even aware of it. I realised that I didn't talk to myself aloud for the whole day today though. I did most of that inside my head. That's some achievement I can be proud of..
As I was taking the long bus journey home, the bus went on PIE and there was this long canal along PIE. Near Kallang area. And I noticed that despite being so muddy, it reflected very clearly the scenery next to it, for the entire stretch of the canal. Even more clearly than clear water would. That inspired me and I felt. Though I still can't figure exactly what and how it inspired or what I felt. I just felt inspired. It simply stayed in my head.
And I found myself loving life. Not my life, but life in general. I realize how beautiful Singapore can be. The thin stretches of "forests" along the roads, the way water flows trickle down a ditch, random wood planks on the side of the expressway, random colourful cow cutouts on random grass patches (which somehow looked greener than usual). Even the sky was beautiful (though not violet). Was a greyish dull blue with tints of yellow at the edge of the huge piece of sky. I would have called it the horizon, but then it's not. It's only MY horizon. The shadows of the treetops against the yellow was beautiful, with the occasiona rooftop peeking out of the gaps, betraying only then the fact that the majestic forest is only a thin stretch of vegetation. Honestly, I never found Singapore beautiful. But today, it really did look beautiful.
There were many more scenes encountered on my bus journey which left an impression on me, but it's simply too hard to describe all..The imagery's so beautiful, that it felt perfect, yet real. Comparably, I felt unreal. A unreal person living in a real world, enjoying real stuff, and developing unreal emotions? Which explains the detachedness maybe. It reminds me of the short film we watched during film society outing yesterday, titled Fonzi. But then, Fonzi's world was unreal along with her. That's a much sadder plight than what I experienced, should my experience somehow or other be reality.
Maybe I don't make sense. I don't make sense even to myself. But that's how I felt.
I remember dreaming of a migration to places like Australia when I was very young, and later France, then Japan, then around the world. But now I'm not so sure. Yes, I want to travel around the world, but would I bear to leave behind these familiar surroundings?
My life seems trivial compared to such real surroundings.
The bus passed by CJC and I missed Sammie for that split second. Despite having just met up with her on Sunday. And I guess I miss some people too. But somethings can't be helped, and there's no way to turn the time backwards into the past. What's done been done, and we just have to move forward. Maybe it's East Coast. Somehow, all the different parts of my life which I will remember for my entire lifetime chose to happen at East Coast. I don't mind though. East Coast is a beautiful place.
I will definitely miss East Coast if I do migrate.
I've chosen to watch these people afar. These people who I missed. But that does not belittle their significance in my life in any way. They are important people who I will always remember. Even as I hate one of them, the person is still important. (To avoid misunderstanding, I need to clarify, esp to jn if you still read my blog. this one person is NOT in RJ.)
there's so much more that i wanna talk about. i feel so mature today...that's it's rare. the constant awareness on how much childhood I've missed back in primary school subconsciously brought about my immature childish ways now. And it's difficult to go back. When I was "mature", everyone found me boring and too stern. Too depressing. And now I'm not, I'm still boring and depressing, and on top of that annoying. But today's a nice feeling. I felt mature, and not stern. but that was while I was alone on the bus, so I guess it didn't matter.
i shall sleep. it's impossible to put everything down. and i'm worn out by the intensity of activities for these two days too. maybe i should start blogging in my livejournal soon..
i really love Imaginary by Evanescence. It fit my mood totally today. the lyrics and the tune. But rock spoilt it. If only there's an acoustic version..a non-rock version..not that rock isn't nice. but it didn't fit the mood.
Labels: holidays, thoughts
It comes with such a nice box! yay! haha. all good things come in small packaging indeed. haha. best things in life on sale! woot! go visit CLIQUE seriously. it's good.
