Yesterday was really really chaotic. Used civics AND math lecture to do my eom. Which means my math is screwed now. But at least I went for physics and econs lecture. Unlike someone who ponned all the lessons lah. Lol. No names in case I get the person into trouble. Haha.
Managed to accomplish a lot after school though. Stayed back in sch till 10+ to mug, and then on my way to the mrt, dad called to say that he’s coming to pick me up. So I walked back to sch and ended up reaching home round 11+pm. Sigh.
TEACHERS DAY CELEBRATION Was quite alright. The video was good (considering we only had a few days..)! Good job sisco with editing! Yay! Lol. Matthew even smsed me during the celebrations to say it was good lah. Woot! I feel so proud of film soc. Lol. Spongebob was so cute!!! LOL. and boya (did i spell it correctly?) is so lame...stacy and i noticed though that the 5 pple in boya are from each of the houses..hmm..haha.
Afterwards, joined chun, kk, kw, and tianni for lunch. Haha. After an hour or so of wondering about…all the way from J8 to AMK..we finally settled at MOS Burger at Jubilee for lunch. LOL. Then I went back to wait with my pw group for our consultation slot. Which I missed..coz it was taking too long (and i already told shuyi and gang i'm going for the movies). Didn't go back to RG and visit library as planned since library closes at 3pm today. sigh. oh well, shall go back another day! Instead I watched a movie (Ratatouille) with shuyi, abtzy, calvin, and woonie at cathay orchard.
The movie was good…although not as cute as I expected. But cute nevertheless. LOL.
AHHHH….I MISS ORCHARD. Lol. A trip back reminds me of so much I used to want to do, but never did. No, I shall do all of them after promos. MUAHAHAHAHA. Shall make a list of things to do after promos! Then can motivate me for promos. Haha.
I MUST SQUEEZE LOTS AND LOTS OF MUGGING INTO MY HOLIDAYS! YESH.
I’m feeling much better, so don’t worry. Anyway, thanks to Ari and Taufiq. It’s impossible to stay upset around their nonsense. Haha.
I’m arriving at a conclusion gradually..on what I shall do. Although I’m still not sure whether it’s right or not.
Fell asleep THRICE during the CSE test. Coz I couldn’t sleep the whole of last night. I completely didn’t study for it at all too..since I only got the notes recently (coz of some stupid idiot who kept taking my notes from the photocopying shop).
My fingers still hurt from practicing zhong ruan today. Jason is a meanie poo. Ok, alright, I’ll be fair. He’s a good teacher lah. LOL. Monster nevertheless.
i'm a music idiot though. =( Okay, I crap.
Bad day today. Didn’t make it for Oteam, gonna fail my CSE test, and seriously suffering from lack of sleep. Did like less than half a chapter of physics today during “after-school-mugging-period”. Super unproductive. But I still got PW stuff to do. X(
Well, not making into Oteam would mean more time though. I’m like going through intensive music training after promos…let’s see…cy shall teach me piano, ari shall teach me guitar, bingliang shall teach me drums, and sihui shall give me zhongruan tuition! LOL. I’m a lucky girl.
I hope..i wish I won’t have to go through another night like last night again.
I shall share one of my favourite songs! <3 shall not post death cab for a while..since not just chun is telling me that my songs are angsty le. to prove that not all my favourite songs are angsty!!! LOL. the song is sooooo cute! <333 Thanks chun for sending it to me!!! I've been looking for it for YEARS. yay! since...hmm..sec 2? sec 3? lol. If I Kissed You by Corrine May! <33333
If I kissed you Would fireworks fly Woud angels sing with lollipops Would dinosaurs cry Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise If I kissed you.
If I kissed you What would Michaelangelo say Would he still have sculpted David Would we be immortalized in clay Would the poets write of love like ours Would John Donne have his say If I kissed you
You could be one in a million You could be the one for me But l guess I'll never know if I never try I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms and kiss you.
If I kissed you Would you lose track of time Would you feel a surge of happiness Running up your spine Would you run naked in the street with a tattoo of my name on your behind If I kissed you.
I don't deny I'm not completely alright. But I'm actually coping.
A mindless walk around J8 can actually do wonders. Wasn't really "shopping"..didn't try on clothes and stuff, and didn't even go into most of the shops. But the time spent walking aimlessly around helped pace my feelings and clear my thoughts.
go along with the plan..come what may. what shall be given to me will be given to me. to exist and be trusted is enough.
maybe jealousy would still be an issue. but at least i can cope. that's good. life's seldom perfect anyway.
I was really really tempted by a photo on someone's blog to do a layout last night. But I decided not to. There's no time. Not to mention it's inconvenient to do it on this com too. I WANT MY LAPPY BACK.
Everyday, I feel grateful for the people I'm blessed with in my life. I say this so much that it is becoming cliche, but nevertheless. Seriously. Thanks everyone, for being in my life. and helping me along the way. anyway, thanks mark for helping me with EOM! X) and for the MLTR songs. hahahahaha. now i bet everyone else is jealous coz i nvr thank them for random stuff. hahahaha. everyone craves for my words of thanks. lol. i'm sooo ego.
I really really hate the air. It's so stuffy. This is one of the few occasions that I'm actually grateful that we have aircon everywhere we go. Gosh. At least I'm not having difficulty breathing anymore.
So proud of myself! Super productive today! Mug physics!!!! ALL THE WAY! WOOT! lol. shall mug tonight. before momentum runs out. jiayou myself. LOL. was supposed to mug physics right after pe, but ended up walking in J8 first. Coz really had no mood. Mugged physics nevertheless (for 2 hrs or so), and it was good! yay! X)
I really ought not to be so affected. Would I be as affected if circumstances changed? here i am worrying..but it doesn't make a difference to him. for to him, i'm insignificant. but i'm contented. to be there for him is enough.
--------------------- P.S. I'm closing the music quiz. Several of the songs are quite alternative anyway, so i don't think anyone will guess them correctly lah. LOL. so i'm gonna start blogging again! lol.
Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality: Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You are shy and reserved. If you've drawn a cross on each of windows, you always want to live alone. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes.
When it comes to love, you shut yourself off. It's difficult to win your heart because you have decided to keep your feelings deep inside. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.
You are not a romantic person by nature. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself. http://www.drawahouse.com/TakeTheTest/
okay. few liners entries. so that music game below can go on. haha. learn to live without excessive blogging also. everyone please pardon me for all abnormal behaviour/mood swings today. think the air was affecting me. psi must have been higher than usual. i'm like falling back on my bad habit of being too dependent on some people. i shall snap out of it as soon as possible. and i shall mug. physics. so evident that math is getting better, and physics worse. XS
Took a walk around Tanglin Mall just now before british council lesson..Never knew a shopping mall could be like that. Funny how many times I've been there, inside even, yet I've never walked around. Cheresa gave me the ACS badge today! (Coz I gave her the RJ badge the other time.) YAY! I think I like the ACS badge. XP
Okie...I don't think I'll be too nocturnal today. Did the music test last night while mugging econs. It was just a simple matter of listening to the songs while mugging, and later on, move all the songs into one playlist so that I could list down the songs one by one in order earlier on tonight. Well, here it is then. Game couped from woonie's blog.
Steps: 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play. 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play. 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from. 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Search engines are forbidden in this game. (Note: I have up to 28, partially coz I skipped two song lyrics, and coz I like the last song too much to not include it! XP)
# 1 So I said I'm a snowball running Running down into the spring that's coming all this love Melting under blue skies (Accidentally In Love – Counting Crows) - mark
# 2
I know you care But it's just not fair When you're not around I want you there
# 3
I believe myself atatakai hikari wa machigacchainai aruite yukou I believe
# 4
如果你快乐 不是为我 会不会放手 其实才是拥有 (知足 – 五月天) - stacy
# 5
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine I've been searching but I just don't see the signs (Way Back Into Love – Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett) - stacy
# 6
Your arms around me tight Everything felt so right Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong (Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson) - mark
# 7
He was perfect, except for the fact that he was an engineer, and mothers prefer doctors and lawyers.
# 8
他就站在街角的旧报摊 眼睛盯着墙壁里的橱窗一把吉他
# 9
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me (My Immortal – Evanescence) - woonie
# 10
雨下整夜我的爱溢出就像雨水 窗台蝴蝶像诗里纷飞的美丽章节 (七里香 – 周杰伦) - z
# 11
Okay. Nobody will guess this anyway. So well, skip. Song 11 was 翼の設計図by V6 btw.
# 12
我表情悠哉 药盒打开 靠自己去主宰 有些无奈
# 13
Okaaayyy...not good idea to have too many less well known jap songs in your list while playing the game. Song 13 was 夏のかけら by V6 Coming Century.
# 14
The dust has only just begun to fall Crop circles in the carpet Sinking, feeling
# 15
我安静在闹区等来电铃响 有一些话打好了却不敢传 怕收到信息的你在为难
# 16
Mellow as the month of May Oh darling I can't stand it
#17
kimi ga inai yoru datte so no more cry mou nakanai yo ganbatte iru kara ne tte tsuyoku naru kara ne tte
# 18
I'm just trying to make some sense in my mind Some defense from the cold that I'm feeling outside
# 19
相爱还有别离 像无法被安排的雨 随时准备来袭
# 20
I'm starting to dream again Again, was a matter of when I guess we all lose our way now and then
# 21
We dont care if it's true when we lay the money down We don't believe the words, we just love the way they sound
# 22
I believe that dreams are sacred Take my darkest fears and play them Like a lullaby
# 23
When I looked into your eyes there was something more That I never really noticed before
# 24
You're so fine you blow my mind. (Hey Mickey) - woonie
#25
My heart is under lock and key, Together we can set it free.
# 26
I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do. (You’re Beautiful – James Blunt) - woonie
# 27
hoi ya e ya 那鲁湾 na e na ya hei 哦～我亲爱的牛儿啊 hoi ya e ya 那鲁湾 na e na ya hei 哦～跑到哪儿去啦
# 28
跌太深爬不出来 下降的速度太快 来不及踏上未来 (爱情悬崖 - 周杰伦) - woonie
I supposed this playlist was quite screwed since I don't have my entire music collection on this com, only certain selected singers and selected songs. So singers are repeated sometimes. oh well, it was still shuffled. 28 songs out of over 500. Not bad lah. TAG YOUR ANSWERS! X)
Chun says the song lyrics i posted are angsty. but death cab is soooo nice. to prove my point...XP Most people won't have heard it since it's only in their EP. But here's 405 (Forbidden Love EP) by Death Cab For Cutie.
Ah ah ah ah ah ah, Ah ah ah ah ah ah. I took the 405 and drove the stake down into your center and stated that its never ever been better then this.
I hung my favorite shirt on the floor board wrinkled up from pulling pushing and tasting. (tasting) You keep twisting the truth, that keeps me thrown askew.
Misguided by the 405 because it led me to an alcoholic summer. I missed the exit to your parents house hours ago.
Red wine and cigarettes hide your bad habits underneath the patio. (patio patio patio)
You keep twisting the truth, that keeps me thrown askew. You keep twisting the truth, that keeps me thrown askew. Ah ah ah ah ah ah, Ah ah ah ah ah ah, Ah ah ah ah ah ah, Ah ah ah ah ah ah.
But it helps to cheer you up. Chocolate is the best thing in the world. Not that I was really upset or anything..perhaps boredom leads to moodiness too.
School was alright, except I was pretty tired. Stayed up till 2am last night to mug econs (so it goes without saying that I didn't touch anything on bridge nor math last night after all). When I did PE this morning, the instructor keeps teasing me by calling me Ms Whiny/Grumpy/Sleepy. Lol. Seriously. X) And econs test...It is my best subject. But I'm not good in any subject, so my standard in my 'best' subject is easily someone's worst. So yea. I hope I don't fail. Funny how I used to not have enough materials to write on, and now I don't have enough time to finish writing. Think I wrote too much for part a, and ended up writing less than half of what i wanted to write for part b.
Really tired right now, but I can't sleep. Slept through math tutorial, but curiously, lim just allowed me to doze on. hmm.. For GP, we talked some more about euthanasia. And then I remembered that when I was in secondary school...back in sec 3? I was actually pro-euthanasia. What happened since then?? Now I'm more of anti. Another example of just how much I've changed.
British council later at 7.30pm. Another long long day ahead. Perhaps it's the prospect of a long tiring day that got me down and made me moody. The chocolate helped, but I still don't feel chirpy. By tomorrow, I'll be a walking zombie from serious lack of sleep. It doesn't help that I'm nocturnal and can't sleep at night.
And I'm not going to bother so much about whatever I've been thinking about for the past two days anymore. I shall just throw all of them out till after promos. Then I'll resume my worrying freak character. For now, I'll just handle things as they come along lah. Including the stuff on my side.
I believe in miracles, I do.
OKAY. LET'S TALK ABOUT HAPPY THINGS TODAY. thanks chun for letting me eat cake! cake is good. yesh. just like how ice cream is good. =) and thanks hanyu for giving me a hug (though I asked for it) =P and thanks chun and tianni for giving me tips for econs!! thank you Lord for helping me get to school on time today!
AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAN!!!! (before you tag, let me say that tagging the same thing as you smsed is repetitive.) X)
ok. and one more thing. PEOPLE. GO EQUIVOX DANCE. I DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE. okay, not alone, since sisco is part of the organisers, and evelyn most prob will go. but still, MORE PEOPLE GO MORE FUN. =P
It is ironic to be happy and troubled at the same time. But I somehow have the tendency to make the simplest stuff complicated? If only lines can be clearly drawn over everything, and if only humans are "single-minded". If only i have more will power...or..if i don't think so much, if it doesn't cross my principles. I'm like messed up and confused. I don't know what I want, or what I feel anymore. Ahh..Nevermind. I shall forget everything, and worry about them after promos. If there's anything to worry about in the first place.
-------------------------
Tonight! I resolve to...
Revise Econs
Do math tutorial
Learn bridge! (i keep saying i would but i end up not. -_-")
[EDIT] oh, and yea, fine. I'm gullible. Woonie did not hack my account. Stupid google undid my "blocking mechanism". oh wells. i'll just go do it again in another way which hopefully blogger won't find offensive.
Tonight's weird. Not just because I should be studying, but am not. (I'm sick of studying today le.) But it's just weird...Like all of a sudden, life is actually slowing down (although that is obviously an illusion).
I really like the lyrics of Passenger Seat (by Death Cab for Cutie).
I roll the window down and then begin to breathe in the darkest country road and the strong scent of evergreen from the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
then looking upwards I strain my eyes and try to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites from the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
"do they collide?" I ask and you smile. with my feet on the dash the world doesn't matter.
when you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride when you need directions then I'll be the guide for all time. for all time.
It's short, simple and sweet...yet it feels like there's so much more to it. I wouldn't have known this song if I hadn't taken part in Dramafest. I don't know how many times I've said this, but I'm saying it over and over again. I'm really really grateful that I had taken part. I doubt the others have taken away as much from the event as I had, but it really changed my life. I shall not forget everything that I have experienced, the sweet and the bitter, because they have become part of me. Partially, they have shaped the events that followed somewhat, although all unrelated. Because, essentially, it had changed me, in a very unobvious but significant manner.
I shall help out in Dramafest next year, even if they try to push me away. haha.
And I've decided, I shall borrow additional econs material from the library. The stuff on SparksNotes aren't really useful. And I shall go and read BBO's tutorial again later. Haven't been reading for a few days.
Even as the days become more and more complicated, even as my life no longer seem so simple, even as decisions get increasingly difficult to make, to judge, the lines between the good and the bad, what should or should not be done...whether I'm a good girl or a bad person even...even as those get muddled up, I shall learn how to cope. Being exceptionally and ridiculously happy is not an option, but rather when I'm happy it shall be sincere. But I shall not get reduced to the sad, depressed pathetic state ever again. Or at least I will try to the best of my abilities. ------------------------ Woonie hacked my account this morning (gasp) and read my sec 1 sec 2 blog entries. Those really early ones, which I hadn't bothered to read, even when I go back to read my own entries. So I took a couple of moments to go back and read them..And it really surprised me how much I have changed. Come to think of it, especially in the 6 mths this year. [edit: he fooled me. he didn't hack in after all.] What has passed has passed. It shall remain as part of me, and I shall convert it into my strength and not let it drag me down. What will happen will happen, and I shall not worry about it yet. Take things one step at a time. Another major flaw on top of stubbornness - impatience.
I'm a bad friend really. And sometimes I have the tendency to focus on my own problems. I'm sorry. Which is why I'm so grateful to you guys. Thanks. For staying my friends.
[EDIT:11.53PM] oh dear, my mum just told me not to be out at night for the lunar 7th month. die. meaning...a lot of my stuff have to be scraped. and 4th sept equivox! but then, equivox is in the late lunar 7th mth...perhaps i can still convince her..hmm..
Befrienders meeting today! =D But I was late. Oops. Must be the fireworks last night really tire me out le. haha.
But befrienders meeting was real fun! Although we arrived late, the meeting hasn't started yet, so we didn't miss anything! Briefing and stuff wasn't anything to talk about. But the befrienders dance was really really fun! Key signature moves like the "girl whee" move..and the turns! my gosh, the turns are difficult. Aiyo...why use so many different turns. But was very very very fun! haha. Shall practice. Can you imagine, do math tutorial...do until sian then stand up and start dancing. LOL. OH, then we are supposed to memorise the school trivia! LOL. My memory sucks. But oh wells...haha. And befrienders Tshirt design is nice!!!! though we haven recieve it yet, coz it's not printed yet. LOL.
After befrienders meeting, was grassroots meeting! quite productive, although very few people turned up. Only Xianjie, ZhanMing, Zei, Shuyi, Me, Anna and Giraffe. But it feels like grassroots is gonna be fun! We shall do the newsletter (only) before promos. YAY! good...that most of the stuff we are leaving till after promos coz then we can mug. lol. I hope the BB-MT christmas party will materialise! coz the idea is so cool! and coz i'm like surrounded by MT friends (as pointed out by stacy today). LOL. Seriously..come to think of it, I've been spending a lot of time with MT people for the past two days! LOL. Today's lunch was spent with Eugene, JunHan, Stacy and Woonie. Which makes.....4 MT people and ONE BB person - Me. lol.
Speaking of which...BB people! (if any reads my blog. i know cq reads..) Go down and help house D with the making of IHC thank you notes! haha. they'll be telling us about when and where they'll be making them soon. X) AND JOIN GRASSROOTS!!!!!!!
Okie. I shall go back to math. actually, math is starting to look like it has more hope than physics. HAHA.
Today (friday) was a really tiring day. Mainly coz I didn't sleep well, not after listening over and over to an interview recording and doing the transcript for PW. Was practically collapsing in school already. Nevertheless, being the irrational kinda girl I am, I decided to go for Fireworks Festival. Didn't regret it too, coz it was soooooo nice! X)
Asked like everyone but nobody wanted to go. So, ended up crashing woonie and his friends..erm..mark, roger, aaron..can't remember the rest. oops. anyway, they are nice people. yay! made new friends! yay! *gosh, i sound like CQ here* weizhong met us at j8 and joined us! lol. i kinda crashed into a ri guys gathering like that..=S. haha. but it was alright lah..heard a lot of interesting stories that happened in ri.
At the fireworks right, there was this photographer in front of me. But he says that the guy next to him keep pushing him, which would affect his shots, so he asked if i wanna take his place (since i'm smaller also..lol). So i said yes..and we started talking a bit. And then he asked if i can help him take video! coz he wanna take photos. haha. He's gonna send the video to me! =))
The fireworks were soooooo nice!!! There was even heart-shaped fireworks! ahhhhh....i wanna go again next year! I shall coup photos from everyone and post it soon. hee. X) speaking of photos...wanted to cam whore, but in the end everyone was too sian to cam whore le. such a pity..i thought it'd be fun to see guys cam whore. HAHA.
during supper afterwards (or rather just weizhong eating dinner and the rest had a drink), i was sending the horoscope picture to mark..when i see cq's phone connected on my bluetooth screen! dark luster. gosh...sooo creepy. called cq and he says he's at home. and that he changed his phone name some time ago...hmmm....is it possible for it to be sooo coincidental? lol.
had so much fun today...but ahhh...i really should sleep le. tomorrow still got befrienders meeting..and then grassroots...gasp.
have some stuff that i really need to blog into livejournal for the past two weeks or so..but somehow there's no time. maybe i shall wake up early to blog tmr. that will be like 3 or 4 entries in livejournal in one go. haha.
Okay. Happy meiyi is back. LOL. The sin graph of emotions indeed...haha.
recieved a really really really cute handphone strap today...KAWAII. X) so happy....hee ^^
Finally finished reading Ender's Game! good book! lol. Physics lecture test over too! Wasn't a disaster..but wasn't good either. Oh well. I hope i pass? lol.
Got to finish PW interview transcript by tonight. and do econs. and physics. alright, and then i'll reward myself. muahahahaha. didn't do quizzes last night afterall lorh. =P
Fireworks tomorrow night! anyone wanna go? =D
I'm like posting real short posts regularly these days man. lol.
OKAY. ANNOUCEMENT. I AM NOT EMO ANYMORE. i realised just how much of a burden i can be to my friends.
My approach used to be that I shall think of my own weirdness to be uniqueness...an approach which didn't work too well. since I didn't really like myself in the first place. But now things should be better.
I SHALL PERSEVERE!!! =))
thx cq. srry sam.
Anyway, CO prac, somehow I stayed for DaZu. I don't know what happened either. But Jason asked whether I could play for Open House..Me, practically knowing ZERO about playing zhongruan. Got to learn two songs to play for Open House. PLUS mug for promos. hmm... And playing for open house won't affect befrienders by the way, coz jason promised it'll only be 15mins on the day itself. AND if i don't reach the standard by then....i won play at all anyway. But I'll try reach the standards. (in case anyone wondered...the title of the post is inspired by the decision to try and learn the open house pieces)
MUG PHYSICS. PHYSICS LECTURE TEST TMR ON THERMAL PHYSICS. ugh. shall reward myself by doing quizzes later bah. after finishing physics.
I realised I'm starting to blog carelessly. Anymore of that and it'll become so private that I'll have to lock it or something. Password protect it. But, that would mean I'll have to decide who can or cannot access my blog. And I'll become even more careless. How can I be so sure that I'm choosing the correct persons to confide in? Confiding everything to selected people is not an option apparently. The more one single person understands you, the greater the ability the person has to hurt you. Letting someone know too much is dangerous.
Something's wrong with me today. No longer just the trivial matters, but something...I don't know anymore. I don't understand it. I know the pieces that are affecting me, but I can no longer see the whole picture.
Shall try to become cheery again, but just give me another few days. I'll come through this.
It's the losing of hope...the impossibility..yet the optimistic illusions..I was deluding myself. Just like the last time. Nothing that good could ever happen to me. I am sinking.
I'm at british council right now, and there's tons of work to be done. Physics revision particularly. But I'm not in the mood. Tuesday evenings are always depressing. I can't say that I don't know the reason for it..because I do. But it is something that I cannot control. So I'll just have to deal with it.
I've never mentioned..But I really love the way the air current breeze through you when you are in a relatively empty train cabin, going through the tunnel. I like it so much, that I like it almost as much as the sea breeze. They are completely two different kinds of "breeze" with different "feels"..yet. I love the way Toa Payoh station smells. Some never notice. Many do but don't particularly think of it. But I love it.
Sometimes, the torture of no contact is better than having any at all. A brief glance in the canteen, and your heart goes fluttering with joy for the next few hours. But only for those next few hours..For the next moment, your heart sinks for no known reason at all. And you start craving for the next magical moment. However brief. That slight contact is hardly anything to satisfy you..All it does, is to accelerate the next bout of pain you were going to have to endure. A rollarcoaster of heavenly joy and crippling pain, with no way to stop it.
Is all this pain worth it? Just like how Swensen's ice cream is enough to last for a couple of days I suppose.
I'm an emotive person I know. Yet, is all this necessary? Why on earth am I torturing myself like this? Does anyone know the way I can stop this? If only he knows. One simple action of his, just once, would really really make my day. Just that one simple action. But if he knew, would he care enough to do it? So what that it had been good for the past few days, that everything has been sweet. It means nothing. He doesn't care. And I'm not going to make myself feel better by deluding myself.
Two weeks of cheeriness, and today I'm reduced back to this. At least the moodiness isn't that bad. It's getting better. Maybe I'm learning to cope after all.
I'm a stubborn girl. And taurus has nothing to do with it. But it has been my fatal flaw. It eats away my creativity, my common sense, and most importantly of all, my soul. I would be so much happier if I were less stubborn.
Can I be blamed that I can't stop what I am feeling?
A fleeting glance of you meant so much to me, but nothing to you. I am a fool.
Maybe I'll feel better once I get home. Maybe it's just the long day, and the longer day ahead. Maybe I'll just bury myself with a pile of work tonight. For I'm sure I won't be able to sleep. Not in this state anyway. If all else fails, I'll just write. CQ..poetry? Maybe it'll be my turn to post one finally. haha. or if it turns out to private..I'll just email it and you can comment on it. lol. I only write when things happen to me afterall..
Being intense is not good. And not many have the idea exactly how intense I am. Maybe I would be a burden to anyone after all.
I'll try to change.
--------------------\\EDIT ADD ON Anyway, what do you do when you think that your friend is actually very nice. One of the nicest people you know. Yet they are also the ones whereby quite a few people don't really like? Sometimes life is so unjustified. Some traits just takes more effort to discover in a person, and not everyone takes that effort to discover it. And as a result, so many nice people gets pass our "nice-people-radar"..all the potential great friends. So, people with the more identifiable "nice" traits become popular, and those with the less easily identified "nice" traits gets hidden away, even below the "commoners"?
Okay. I TOTALLY give up on physics. But then again, just in case someone asks me again (like how today weizhong thought that i meant it when i said i've given up on physics and won study physics ever again), I shall say I don't really mean it.
Today's good...although partially, it's coz I made it out to be good. It's not really particularly good, if you look at it objectively. Except that..erm, for the past few days I've been able to talk to someone I want to talk to? LOL. (Speaking of which, I just realised that recently a pattern has been set such that there is a fixed list of people that I will definitely talk to at night on msn. somehow. lol. a list of three-four people. regardless of order. haha.) For most of the day, I was rather anti-social I suppose. Been reading Ender's Game all the while. (Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card) So much that I didn't speak to stacy all the way till late third block and i didn't realise it! lol. But it's a great book! so far..Kay, I'm a slow reader. Haven't read since I got home too..coz of stupid physics. boo. =(
WHY DID I TAKE PHYSICS? REMIND ME AGAIN!!! coz i considered computer science. my gosh. stupid me. i'm not even interested in it anymore.
Anyway, Kinkit just msn-ed me and told me death cab rox! YAY!!!!!!! okay, i'm insane. I want death cab for cutie albums! as in, really, albums albums. not just in my com. but CDs. XP
Okie. Enough of randomness...now onto some more nonsensical stuff. (Look what physics do to your brain? LOL) Shall do some quizzes from woonie's blog!!!! but then he posted sooooo many that i'm not gonna do all. lol.
Your Learning Style: Expressive and Tenacious
You love to learn about new cultures, ideas, and theories. You Should Study: AnthropologyCounseling EducationEthnic StudiesForeign Languages and LiteratureHistoryLiteratureMusicPhilosophyEastern Religion
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.
(woonie got higher than me for this one. for the first time ever, someone else gets a high score than me for this kind of test?? i must be getting better with my "cheery" plan! lol)
You Will Be a Cool Parent
You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need. You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law. While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top. You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!
(i think every teenager who does this test would have done well in it. haha.)
You Are 36% Shy
You are slightly shy, but overall, your reactions to social situations are normal. You dread difficult social situations, but you still handle them with grace.
You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.
In love, you are very protective and supporting. However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous.
At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.
How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud
okie..this (half an hour worth of surveys) is really enough for one night i think. lol. i shall go sleep! or read ender's game till i fall asleep..heh..XP
As usual, when I get down to serious business with my most dreaded subject (which contrary to common perception, is actually physics and not math), i get really really bored and frustrated by it. So bored and frustrated, that even a change in subject (to econs) doesn't help! So I shall blog something totally boliao and unnecessary...X)
An immaturity test couped from stacy who posted it on class blog! =)
[ ] You have eaten fish food. [ ] You have eaten dog food. [ ] You have eaten cat food. [x] You have run into a glass door. [x] You have eaten an ant. [x] You have eaten grass. [ ] You have licked a tree. [ ] You have polka dotted underwear. [x] You have pink underwear. [ ] You had contests with your friends to see who can create the nastiest burp. [x] You have screamed a random word in public. [x] You wave at people you don't know. [x] You have flushed the toilet because you were bored. [x] You have slapped yourself out of boredom. [ ] You sing the "FUN" song. (huh???) [x] You hold conversations with a pillow, blanket, stuffed animal etc. [x] You have / sing karaoke even though you know you're horrible. [ ] You know how to spell "supercallifragalisticespialadosious" by heart. [ ] You make up your own words and use them with people who have no clue what they mean. [x] You have striped socks and you have worn them so people can see them. [x] You hugged a random person. [x] You have ran up and down the stairs because you were bored. [ ] You have created a puppet show with your socks out of boredom. [ ] You have imagined people saying "bla" and blowing up. [ ] You are addicted to the Anamaniacs theme song. [x] You are addicted to "The Pinky and the Brain" theme song. [x] You have stared at the ceiling for over 10 minutes. [x] You have talked to yourself. [ ] You have conversations with your imaginary friends.
Multiply your answers by 3. That's your immaturity percentage. Caution: Accuracy not verfied, so take the results light-heartedly! :)
I skipped service today to sleep 18 hours in a row. Gosh. But the headache's almost gone now. And the cramps are not half as bad. Body still aches like hell though..but probably from over sleeping than anything else. Mum's like convinced that my "poor health" is due to my late night habits. Right. Like I haven't always been like this for the past few years, and now, all of a sudden my body can't take it anymore? Diao. And feeling unwell every now and then hardly count as being in "poor health". Wynne says that Mr Tan got a pair of really nice slippers that both she and Esther can't wear coz it's size 5! haha. So I'm like the cinderella. XP In Wynne's words, God blessed me with the pair of slippers. X) And BBO's in built tutorials are really really really good. woah. not too dry either. XP and I'm in love with wikipedia's entry on internet slangs. X)
Oh, and I'm guilty for not revising everything that I told myself I would this holiday. And I'm no where close to finishing the five books either. Oh well, I can try finish them within next week, or renew them. Haha. Should try make it a habit to read regularly, instead of reading all in one go and burn myself out. That's how I get sick half the time anyway. Lol.
Check out Neopets. I haven't been there for so long..but their new layout's rather cool. lol. maybe i'll be childish and go play a bit of neopets after promos. XP
A Honest Survey 1.Honestly what color is your shirt? right now? white fila. 2. Honestly, whats on your mind? waiting and hoping for someone to talk to me.. 3. Honestly, what are you doing rightnow? reading through bridge tutorials on bbo. lol. n surfing net. 4. Honestly, have you ever been in love ? i don really know for sure...but i think so. 5. Honestly, have you done something bad today? oops. i was late when meeting CQ at mrt. 6. Honestly, do you watch disneychannel? boo..i don have scv. but i want!!! XP 7.Honestly, who is the last person youtalked to on the phone? shuyi. she just got a new number that allows free incoming! 8.Honestly, are you jealous ofsomebody right now? yea..kind of. 9. Honestly, what makes you mad mostof the time? i don't think i get mad very often..don't really know the answer. 10. Honestly, do you bite your nails? yea..used to. nowadays, i try to cut down. been rather successful i think. 11. Honestly, do you use anyone? don't think so...i hope not! 12. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? yea. 13. Honestly, do you have a friend you don't like? not really 'don't like'...but maybe like not as much as the others? 14. Honestly, do you love someone very much? i think so. 15. Honestly, does anyone like you? i don think so...i'm a plain boring girl..X) lol.
DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY *AngerSection* 1. What do you do when you're mad? if i'm mad at someone else, i'll keep ranting..and scream. if i'm mad at myself, i'll shut myself up. and self destruct..thou i'm not proud of it. 2. What's the worst thing you've donewhen you were mad? i beat someone up. not proud of it either. that was when i was really young..like lower primary. 3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? not sure. i'm always the one crying. XS 4. Do you swear when you're mad? really really occasionally. when i'm really really very mad. 5. When was the last time you really cried? last wednesday. 6. Ever cried yourself to sleep? yea. 7. What usually makes you cry? when i feel accused. or when things aren't going right. or when i'm overwelmed with feelings that i can't get rid of.. 8. Are you normally a happy person? i'm trying to be. =) 9. Does being with your friends makes you happy? yep!!! 10. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy? of course! it's nice! though they are probably just saying it to make me happy..haha.
Today was quite fun! More fun than a usual saturday anyway. XP Went to woonie's hse with cq to study. Original plan was to come my house..but then CQ complained that my family is so big and he won't feel comfortable with so many people around. So...Woonie's hse it was. I suppose simply studying would have been really boring. But it was quite fun coz we kinda got distracted. During/After lunch (sushi..which would have been really nice if not for the spicy sardine [edit:coz cq says it was tuna =S] tuna in it), we pored over the RI yearbook and I tried to look out for everyone that I know. LOL. It's amazing what a guy's hairstyle can do to his looks. haha...I almost didn't recognise a few! *and my gosh...everyone looked so young. the photos were taken last year, and this year everyone looked so much older??* and i took a look at woonie's sec 1 and 2 class photos.......weizhong looked so cute! lol. after that we went back to studying (after a slight detour by bbo...and surfing through zijian's blog archives which were ultra funny)...but by then it was already 3pm. And honestly speaking, we weren't really whole heartedly studying. woonie started channel surfing with his radio..and it was damn funny. can you imagine studying with say....indian music in the background? haha. hmm...i miss listening to radio. sometimes i'd listen to late night shows on YES 933..like the 11.30pm shows..forgot the name, haha. then i would try to call in to dedicate songs. but now, come to think of it, even if i managed to get through, i wouldn't have anyone to dedicate the song to since no one listens to radio that late. haha. man, we should do this kinda thing more often. lol. except get someone pro in math and physics to study with us too. lol.
next saturday there's befrienders meeting! and after that, BB grassroots meeting! and after that, maybe i'm going over to shuyi's hse to study! but i really really don't think i'd study if i start so late...but shuyi's like trying to bribe me with a pool game...lol. oh wells, I'll see how first lah. maybe i'll try hard to get into the mood of studying XP shuyi finally got a number with free incoming! hurray!
ahhh...the back of my throat and my head are hurting me. =( i have a bad feeling that i'm getting sick. X(
---------------------------- there are some stuff that didn't escape me..wasn't lost on me. just that i thought that it would be better to act dumb, at least at this point of time. especially in the current situation. plus, perhaps there's nothing to it too...that it is just a figment of my imagination. it's probably just a figment of my imagination. if only certain other parts of my imagination is actually true...life would be so good then.
Newsflash Number 3: Studying with CQ and Woonie at Woonie's house tomorrow! =) although CQ and Woonie don't know each other yet. lol
Now...random photos! of the Kboxing on tue. X) i haven put on class photobucket yet coz 1)photobucket is being real slow now and 2)i think i need the user and p/w to upload. but not sure yet coz the page hasn't even LOADED yet. =S
OK. YOU KNOW WHAT. EVEN BLOGGER IS BEING SLOW. ARGH. I'M NOT UPLOADING ANY PHOTOS TONIGHT ANYMORE. fed up. XS
Been thinking about him non-stop. It's getting bad. This is getting so ridiculous that I constantly feel the urge to laugh at myself. But I can't control it. At least I feel like laughing instead of crying, although it is over my own silliness. That's good. My heart aches with longing all the same. Came home, checked my email, and found the Gurl.com newsletter with a feature on How Does It Feel To Be In Love..girls all over the world submit the responses, and i went to take a look..
"You cannot stop thinking about the other person. You jump out of your skin when you see their number on your caller ID." True. Really true. applies for sms too.
"When you're in love it's like this sugar-high of emotions. When you see the person your stomach does a back flip and everyone and everything around you is put on pause. No matter what they look like or who they are, to you they are the most beautiful thing ever created. All of a sudden those corny love songs make sense. That's how you know you're in love."
"When you are in love, your stomach feels like it's falling up. You can't sleep because you are constantly thinking about the other person. You are always smiling, and you can't wait until you see them next. When you are away from them, you feel like you are missing a part of your heart."
"You think about that person more than you think about yourself. You can't imagine your life without that person. You would give anything to be with that person. You sacrifice most things in your life to be with that person. You want to be with that person every second of the day...and when you aren't with that person, you can't help but imagine how happy they make you when you ARE with them."
Now that pretty much sums up what I feel I think. =(
-------------------------
Woke up this morning 7.30am to bring my dad to the polyclinic. Ended up he needs to go TTS. But I have PW meeting, and I really didn't want to go too late for it. So, I tried to get my sis to go with him instead. But she had arranged to meet a friend to study (compared to me having PW meeting..PW - an A levels subject?). So I brought dad to TTS anyway. Didn't want him to go alone...especially since his english is not good..After his registration though, he kinda half forced me to go for PW meeting. So I went to weizhong's house and reached there ard 12.30pm..
Dad's alright btw..got to go see a specialist nxt month though. =(
I learnt a lot about myself today I think. I realised just how childish I am. Coz in the morning, I was initially rather mad that my sis didn't want to take dad to TTS, and I had to accompany him there even though I had PW meeting. But after I calmed down, I realise I shouldn't be mad..After all, I should be more than willing to bring him to the hospital..and also if I were in my sister's shoes, I would probably behave that way too...or at least, I would have taken a while to sort out my thinking and realise that I should have brought dad to the hospital. So yea. I was really really immature. My gosh...I shall strive to be more mature! YAY! GO MEIYI!!!
Anyway, after the PW meeting, was going home via mrt. But at city hall mrt, i needed the toilet desperately and got off...and met kangwei and larissa!!! lucky i met them too...or else i would have been wondering off into the shopping mall trying desperately to find a toilet which was actually right there in the mrt station! LOL. but really, today was so qiao..
argh shoots...I'm still craving. this feeling is so unbearable. oh...another quote from the same site..slightly altered.
"love is like a craving for food that you just can't control." now, that really sums everything.
Yay! studying with CQ tmr!! =) shall write poems!!! X)
(this post has taken hours to type because i keep leaving it hanging there and coming back to it during my breaks. doing PW! sigh)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!
I regret though that I did not participate in singapore's birthday party. Because (obviously) I didn't get the ticket. And also because I had to run some errands for my mum, which caused me to COMPLETELY MISS the NDP telecast. sigh
Went to watch The Secret with a friend today. It was good!!! I totally underestimated Jay Chou's abilities. The story wasn't cliche at all! Although I did catch a few errors in the reasoning of the story, it's a great plot overall. Totally loved it. Although it had somewhat a semi-happy ending, it's not cheesy kinda ending, and you don't feel completely happy in the end. If I weren't with a friend, I'd probably cry and emo for another hour after the movie. Good job Jay! I don't deny that there are external factors and certain biasness involved..but today's movie may be the best I've been to so far.
A great video tribute to Singapore..shot by Zijian, edited by Zijian..basically produced by Zijian. It's on Zijian's blog..but I'm putting it here in case some of you are too lazy to click one more extra link. haha. It's great. A must watch. It is being featured on tomorrow.sg even! lol.
Okay. PW is driving me crazy. And I'm coughing virtually non-stop now. My throat is hurting me..and I can't think. And it's nearly 12am. If I drag this post and further (aka let it hang there infinitely), I'll never post it. so tadas, posted. nearly 4 hrs after i first started typing. diao.
Well...Technically, it's not "tonight"..but seeing that it is barely thursday morning, i'll just refer to wednesday night as "tonight" lah. haha.
Kinda lost control of myself early tonight. Lots of stuff happened over the dinner table, and I suppose the accumulated "negative energies" within me just suddenly exploded. It turned out to be a good thing though, coz shortly afterwards, I had a long talk with mum. We cleared everything. Everything including my sister, my difference from the family among many other things. It feels really really good. Not that any of the problems are solved. But simply by the fact that we both admitted to it, accepted the existance of such problems..It felt almost like acceptance.
Once again, though this may seem really really random. I wanna say that I'm really really grateful to have great friends. Even those who are unaware of the details of my problems. Just by spending time with me, chatting with me, unaware of anything that has happened, it helps already. You guys are the reason why I smile. On top of my brother of course...X) My bro is the cutest in the entire universe!! XP
Oops..I'm altering my plans to "coop up at home" for the holidays though. =S gonna go movies tomorrow afterall. heh..
Ok, actually, I'm blogging again because...this morning, my aunt overslept and as a result, my brother missed the school bus. So, being the only elder sister who doesn't need to go to school today, and being the NICE elder sister, I woke up earlier than intended and brought him to school. This is one of the times when I regret persuading my mum into putting my brother into admiralty primary school (my primary school). It is so far away compared to Siling!!! But nah, I love my school! YAY! ADP ROCKS! lol. Maybe I shall go visit the National Day Jumble Sale later before PW meeting..the jumble sale has like an eight year history at least..haha..oh,and bring along PW surveys. LOL.
Seeing the kids really make me think about my primary school days. sigh. they still celebrate national day in the parade square!!! =P
Something extremely delightful happened early this morning! haha. Seriously...I have a strong urge to laugh at myself for being so happy over such trivial stuff...my gosh. I cannot believe myself. But...I can't help it. haiz..
I shall come up with a concrete National Day Holidays To-Do list tonight! Muahahahahahahaha..
BB OWNS!!! MUAHAHAHAHA. We got tied with BW though. Well, congratz BW! LOL. Which makes me a bit guilty coz I didn't go to the RBION booths? Kboxing was too addictive. Haha.
Before I get carried away with describing how much BB rocks, I shall say that today's the best day I've ever had. Okay, maybe not the best. But it's definitely one of the best! =)
First of all, Haoyang didn't pon school. HAHA. But I never suan him today either lah. Lol. I am NICE. Haha. And second, Kboxing is super super super fun!!! YAY. I miss kboxing. Shall go kboxing every opportunity I've got after promos! YAY! But then...if I get into Oteam, then I won't have much time left for Kboxing. Not that I'll complain of course. Hee...X)
The national day celebration concert was quite cool too! Hee...I miss community singing we had back in RG though. Haha. But just as well, coz my throat is dying already. It was uncomfortable in the first place, then add on the kboxing and the screaming for BB (and cheering for naichien and tianni! =P), it is so going to die tomorrow. Hahahahaha..But no worries! Mum just bought Pi Pa Gao today so I have Pi Pa Gao at home afterall! Yay...Pi Pa Gao is so nice and sweet...but it still hurts now. boo. Lol. I hope I don't lose my voice again like that time during orientation. Haha.
Oh, btw, I thought that the councilors really did a great job. I mean, they really put in a lot of effort into this one day for us, and I think most of us really enjoyed it. And the show was good too (despite the presence of Triad AGAIN snatching exposure time from other bands. I mean, fine, they are not terrible..but they’re not exactly spectacular either. =S why is it Triad for EVERYTHING??) I was telling stacy that the councilors in charged of the performance itself a bit kelian. Haha. Need to double as backstage crew. LOL.
After national day celebrations, me, stacy and woonie bumped into mark near the lockers...and got dragged into a bridge game!!! At 9+pm! LOL. I think he was waiting for someone. It was quite cool too, coz the way we sat was like interhouse bridge...mark and I are in BB, woonie and stacy are in MT. So we tried one game of contract bridge..which was unfinished, coz mark went halfway. Haha.
I SWEAR I WILL NOT DRINK CHAMPAIGN GRAPE ICE EVER AGAIN. IT IS YUCKY TOWARDS THE END. ALL THE ICE IS AT THE BOTTOM.
I think, today shall be one of the days in my JC life that I shall never forget. But the bitter usually comes right after the sweet. Beware of extensive promos mugging. SIGH. No more kboxing. =(
Borrowed FIVE books in a row from the library today. Gonna coop myself up for the december[EDIT]National Day[/EDIT] (thx woonie for pointing out my silly mistake. lol. man, it sounded weird. haha.) holidays and do three things. Mug, do PW, and read. All the books are titles I've been wanting to read for ages. There were a few more, but they were all either unavailable or not stocked by the school library. haha. So, my reading list for the National Day!! The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk, Digital Fortress by Dan Brown, Angels and Demons by Dan Brown and Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell. It's like reading spree to make up for my lack of reading this year. XP
Undeniably, I have been hoping to go out with a particular someone (yes, thx wz for pointing it out man). But talking to stacy reminded me abt something. i shouldn't ask all the time. So oh wells. Plus, I really need to get some studying done anyway. I SHALL GET A 'B' GRADE FOR MATH AND PHYSICS. EVEN IF IT TAKES A MIRACLE.
yesh. i shall ganbatte.
P.S. to the anonymous tagger. thx for the well meaning tag? erm, i'll take care not to 'pop my aneurism'...haha.
Often, I think my mother would feel much better and have a happier life without a daughter like me. I tried so hard, put in extra effort twice tonight to be a good, "desirable" daughter tonight. But still, I've been proven unsatisfactory.
Well, I was really sad for a moment just now. But now I've managed to control my emotions and I'm alright. So don't worry. I'm still going to stick by my plan to be bright and cheery. I'm going to do it, until bright and cheery is internalised as the main part of me. =))
I feel happy anyway! For I have been given the courage to approach a couple of people I wouldn't dare to approach about 100k. I approached A, the first that came to my mind (and I don't think I would be able to approach anyone else before approaching A). And tomorrow, I'm going to talk to B. Yes. ok lah, B is CQ. hahahaha. Why am I being so mysterious with names? XP
Boo..Woonie cannot crash us for Kbox le. Coz he has math tutorial till 3.15pm. haha. If we hadn't change our math to the geog slot, we would have math till that time too. =P I realise the S05 classes have quite similar timetables leh! =))
Today's not all great. Not all that bad either. Caiqiang ended up staying at home coz his "mum pms". Daniel the lazy pig considered sleeping as something more important than his friend of 10 years. Sammie went tution with yining. every saturday from now on too. I didn't know about it, until her mum told me over the phone..she didn't tell me. =( And shan somehow "missed" me after arranging to meet with me. multiple times. like it's a sign i shouldn't look for her to ask for advice over something.
Nope, I'm not depressed. I somehow suspect that shan wishes that I am depressed though. Why else am I suppose to "not kachow her unless you are depressed"? it's okay shan, i forgive you. you don't have to feel guilty about it.
I suppose I sound quite bitter. boo. but no, i really am not sad. just not quite right i guess. nope, i'm not slipping back into the oh-so-moody-i-am-sad-lonely-and-pathetic-nothing-in-life-is-right mood. except maybe I am a little sad and lonely. plus a tinge of pathetic-ness.
I suppose it really is time for me to relearn how to live by myself and be alone. If I did it back in sec 3, why can't I now? Relearning something is supposed to be easier than learning it the first time afterall. But it is difficult. I got out of hurting myself by opening up afterall..Now, learning to go back means I'll have to be extra careful.
living by myself would be a good idea though. it would mean, no younger sisters who act like your mother. no more disapproving glances. but well, i shall not day dream. FOCUS.
1st step, be cheery and happy. done. now onto the 2nd step, be more independent. physically and emotionally. easier said than done.
NEVERMIND! AT LEAST I HAVE KBOX TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!!! YAY! X)
[EDIT: 10.39PM] I just completed ALL 19 levels of MOTAS!! WOOT!!! Can't wait for level 20! this game totally rocks! but then, i checked it's history up on wikipedia. It has super irregular release timings..like 6 levels in 2002, 4 levels in one go in 2003, ONE level in 2004, ZERO levels in 2005 and 2 levels in january this year. which means I'll never know when level 20 will be out. or it there will ever be a level 20 in existance or not. sigh. thing is, I completed ALL existing levels! yay! meiyi is pro. XP
Well, I'm still happy. I wake up every morning (or afternoon in today's case) feeling fresh (or not fresh, if i'm too tired), and most importantly happy, contented and looking forward to the day. I've gotten out of the vicious cycle completely i think, and am not going back into it anytime sooner. Yet, I'm still sinking deeper and deeper still. This must be the first time that no matter how deep I sink, I don't feel the pain anymore. I feel free.. Well, today's good. Most probably gonna go study with CQ and possibly daniel (if he finally picks up his phone today. he always say to call him out for studying, but end up sleeping the entire day. diao.) And maybe maybe watch the simpsons movie..but i'm broke though.
P.S. shan! i'm getting a prezzie for u! but u might have to wait till sept coz i kinda overspent this month again? XS oh, and a game which is super fun (introduced by cq late last nite when boredom was rampant.) http://www.albartus.com/motas/
AHHHHHH.....I'M LIKE INSANELY JEALOUS OF WOONIE RIGHT NOW. okay, maybe i'm having such an extreme reaction because i'm feeling high~ haha. but.....AHHHHHHHHHHHH....AHHHHHH...AHHHHHH. shit, now i cannot calm down to do math. AHHHHHHHHHH......
i think recently my emotions is haywired. haha. coz not so nice things can happen but my mood still won't dampen. not as much as how it used to anyway. meaning, no really extreme mood swings anymore. that's good! X)
nobody asks me anything. because I won't tell. except unless you are 1)CQ, 2)Sammie, or 3)Shan.
Life seems simply great recently. I have great fun in school, and it's still okay at home! YAY! Somehow, there's really nothing to be high about today, but I feel really happy anyway..
Can't wait for Tuesday!!! It's going to be soooo cool! Haha. Lazer show for national day celebration concert! How cool lah. And the concert's going to be in the field at night. Wow. Haha. Then the record-breaking booths..gonna be so fun. AND FREE FOOD!!!! AHHH~ AND KBOX!!! Yay!!! So long never go Kboxing le. Can't wait!!!
Today was supposed to be the day we report at ACS(I) for the 24-hour video competition. But we forgot to inform Ms Veluri about our participation, so we withdrew a few days ago. =( Just as well I guess. Really worn out after Othello. And although I recovered most of my energy already, I'm still only barely balancing my "energy level". So yep, something like 24-hours will probably jeopardize that balance again...which would mean...no more enjoying myself fuller on Tuesday! NO!!! haha. So yes, it's a blessing in disguise. Although I wouldn't have complained if we were allowed to join the competition..XP
And oh yes, I am sooo skipping British Council next Tuesday. X)
On a not so bright note, I really really hope things go well for all my friends. =( And......ok, yea, especially for him. But then, nothing..no signs which are really worrying recently, so all's well! =)
And Sammie. I MISS YOU. Seriously, why are our schedules clashing like never before these days. Hmph. X(
http://refugeesg.wordpress.com My mind’s full of it. I can’t think of anything else. Why the hell am I so affected every time I get to know something like this? But this is really beyond everything I’ve come across. God bless the people living in Laos whose daily lives are being terrorized. May they sense the love from God and the people around the world, and draw strength and hope from it.
Today was great. Normally, a “normal” day like today wouldn't make me feel so great. But it was great! Haha. I'm weird.
Well..there wasn't much to say about school. Just went about for lectures, etc, nothing special. Daily school routine. But I could have gone home straight after school today (didn't feel like playing bridge today. Rare! Haha.) But it so happened that I slacked around in class after physics with stacy, haoyang and weiren (and an occasional eugene who dashed in and out of the class trying to do something about him doing two H3s tentatively). Then we got evicted!!! Haha. Coz the Oteam interviews are using up almost ALL the classrooms on the level. Poor stacy lugged eugene's bag around...which looked soooooo cute!!! So we started attacking stacy with camera! Haha. Haoyang got a pretty good photo..I'll get him send me tomorrow! Haha. me and stacy tried to take lots and lots of random photos, but we didn't get many good ones in the end coz the guys are soooo shy. XP. oh! but i got a good one of haoyang! and stacy got a REAL GOOD video of him! hahahahahaha.
So yea, after Eugene finally found us (Weiren tried to give a clue to make Eugene find us. But weiren's too nice...didn't even try to make Eugene guess. Haha. We were at the 5th floor rooftops of block B), I got to hear that the H3 geog people are watching this interesting video on how dinosaurs got wiped out. So I decided to crash (while stacy goes for Oteam interview)!! Thinking it's only 45mins anyway..(Weiren was the angel saying I should do tutorials, and Haoyang the devil! Haha) Then during H3 geog, one of the girls Odelia needed to go off for chem. Spa but her calculator died! So I lent her mine and ended up having to stay back till 5pm. Oh wells, nevermind, I made use of the time for math. Don't know could ask weiren and haoyang! Haha. (P.S. haoyang is the best suan-ning target of all time. Haha) And slightly before the chem. Spa people finish, woonie came to join us, after which he went for Oteam interviews. And he told me to wait for him. So...yep! you guessed it! After the chem. Spa people finish and I got my calculator back, I continued doing my math till woonie finishes. Haha.
To tell the truth, I never knew our class is so fun to "slack" with. Haha. Me is blind. Sorry..XP Oh, and nicknames for haoyang for the day – Dinosaur, Bear, and Pig. LOL. Walking zoo.
Now I need to do econs. Sigh. Good luck everyone else left who has Oteam interviews! =))
Almost missed school today (too tired from doing econs last night..lucky my mum woke me up)...Had a huge fright this morning when I realized that my phone wasn't with me. I thought it got stolen. Turned out I left it at home. "-_-
Today was okay...except that by the time I got to china studies block, I was so tired that I felt like vomiting. So I went home to sleep. And by the time I woke up, I was running late for Oteam interview. Luckily I wasn't too late.
The Oteam interviewers were quite nice. Haha. Don't know their names though, but will check it up once the councilors finish their board of photos! Haha..it felt a lot less like an interview than a chatting session. I suppose coz I switched time slots with Jeanette last minute last night and didn't really prepare for it. It was just as well though, coz it seems that they came up with questions on the spot, and it’s mostly very subjective questions. And I usually don't prepare for interviews anyway. Just impromptu - spontaneous. It feels like I'm being less fake that way. Haha. I think I was too talkative during the interview though. XS why do I talk so much everytime during interviews? Film soc interview I also talked too much..aiyo. One of the interviewers seemed extremely interested in the fact I am in CO. Keep asking about CO. lol. Well, I can't ask people about it if I don't know who he is, can I? haha. Oh well, I hope I get in. I really really really REALLY hope I can get in.
I'm writing the first letters of the "letters project" today. I want a name for the project I think. Something nice to remember it by..one of the most important projects I'm going to have embarked on in my short JC life..like maybe...Letter Secrets (from postcard secrets. Haha)
And you know, I still don't understand what I'm going through. You want to see someone, yet you avoid the person. And when you don't see the person for the entire day...ahh, nvm. i'm a weird person! yay! lol.
4 hours of afternoon nap and I'm still so tired. I think I shall try to sleep earlier tonight. Like by 12mn or 1am.
And I shall crash econs remedial some day. Kinda curious what they do. I LOVE ECONS! <3
P.S. I WANNA EAT SALMON!!!!!!! Weird sudden cravings...haha. =D
Read a few blogs. It's really nice how everyone's moving on. How the world is becoming a better place. A brighter place. =)) I'm still stuck with Econs and haven't even started on China Studies, but it's nearly 1am already. Boo =( But strange..How happy I feel. It's almost an irony..Extreme fatigue and lasting contentment usually DO NOT go together. Haha.
P.S. I realised I forgot to blog about the new words I learnt! shall blog about them tmr. XP
drink :: ice lemon tea | chocolate milk | green tea | milo colour :: orange | pink | green anime :: bleach manga :: ouran high school host club books :: the day after forever by erin skiffington | the lovely bones by alice sebold authors :: agatha christie | jane austen music :: death cab for cutie | jay chou | muse
more;
ad...(+)
adprgsrjc
1/12F3M4M5P6Q10620631041008S05B
purple house buckle buckle-buckley
adp:it clublibraryeng dramachinese danceswimming
rg:handbellslibraryrjc:film societychinese orchestra japanese cultural club (once in jcc always in jcc!)
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I'm a girl, who's normal most of the time, but weird otherwise. My nickname in primary school was blurqueen, which was upgraded to BBQ Bizzarely Blurqueen in Secondary 2 during Primary 6 class reunion. I have a huge variety of interests, so I end up being very poor in time management.
random;
Friends, my brother and sisters, and my computer.
I take birthdays very seriously.
I love roses.
I love the late night.
I love manga and anime.
I love my cats, (schro)dinger and newton.
I love concerts.
