Tuesday, July 31, 2007

high HIGH day

Back from British Council!!! =)) Today's a high high HIGH day!! YAY!!! =D and I don't know why...hahahahahahaha.
Loyang was insanely high during british council! LOL. Like on drugs! X)

And I have China Studies research and Econs essay to do. No sleep for tonight..Boo =(

But nevermind! Today's a good day! Good things happen on good days.

Joke during Mr Neo's lecture. Example of concentration of skilled labour: Silicon Valley...“Has Silicon Valley burst yet?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Obviously, after being influenced by certain corrupted guys in film soc, I realized another pun in the joke, which I thought Mr Neo must not have realized it. Valley. XP I'm sure zijian noticed it too lorh. Hahahahahaha.

Physics remedial was a waste of time though. They just taught everything I knew LONG LONG TIME AGO already. Boo.

and I saw what I want to see twice today =P (cq knows what I mean. HAHA)
There's something I don't understand about my own behavior today though..hmm..

Yay!!! Shall go back to stupid essay writings. Boo...XP

P.S. considered for a short while on making the blog private today, but nevermind. That was just a short while. HAHAHAHAHA.

Labels: school

midnight math ranting

I suppose this "positive energy" thingie takes time to internalise lah. So, I shall look for something positive even when negative stuff happens.

Example, a quarrel with mum. Positive thing: I get to close the door tonight.

Haiz.
Anyway, 2 more hours into math tonight and I've completed a grand total of...2 questions. WOW. Great work man, baka meiyi.

Meiyi the math idiot. It'll take a miracle for me to get a B. XS

Labels: rant

Monday, July 30, 2007

new world Refined

School declared holiday today (coz we got a lot of golds). Woke up earlier to read china studies, only to fall asleep again and went late for PW meeting at weiren’s house. Weizhong was exceptionally happy today. HAHA. Anyway, the feel at the meeting felt quite good today, although I get occasional pangs of guilt. I discovered my the extent of my stupidity after asking weiren about math assignment 5 too. XS After PW, I took a couple of hours off to watch Harry Potter, though alone. Really has been a long long time since I last watched a movie.

Thought a lot more today, and got everything straightened out. I shall focus more from now on I think, and not allow my thoughts to run wild again. And stop worrying/emo-ing over things that are 1)too trivial, 2)cannot be helped, and 3)unproven. My tendency to thinking too much into things get me into trouble far too often.

All these I thought right after my phone call to Sammie. I felt awful (again) and called her, but she was busy. As I said, everyone has their own life. And it really is time for me to get more independent. And let my friends worry less. Yes.
Anyway, so I emo-ed a bit over it...and realized just how “consistently” I've been emo-ing over the past few days, sometimes even allowing the emo-ness to consume me and get out of control! This cannot go on, and I thought, I might as well channel all the negative energy I'm producing into studying..especially math and physics!

I supposed the talk with a friend last night really knocked some sense into me. I had stopped analyzing my own life (in an objective and logical way) for so long, that I'm losing track of it.

So, I've refined the resolution I made last night regarding the studying of math and physics. My entire attitude towards studying must change. I used to treat studying as a passion thing. Subjects which I have no interest in at all, I didn't care much about them. But now, I realized however much I want to support my brother financially in the future, it's just thought and what I really need is action. My inclination for the future are all rather risky and shaky, and I should at least have a back up plan. So good grades will help. If I can't get into the stuff I want to do successfully, I can always resort back into computer science,etc, for which there is the ida infocomm scholarships...that will save a lot of money for the rest of my younger siblings' education..if I get that scholarship..

having said that, I still won't do something I completely dislike just for the sake of a scholarship.

Knowing myself, my will power may not be strong enough to last myself through. So, I'm threatening myself. This is the part where the resolution comes in. There is....this something I really want to do. I want to do it by the end of this year, or at least before I graduate next year. And..I suppose having good grades takes priority over that anyway. So, I'm threatening myself. If I don't get a B at least for math AND physics, I'm not going to allow myself to do that thing, no matter how much my heart desires it.

In case you guys start guessing...That something is not OTeam. I'll do OTeam if I get in no matter what.

Now I can really breathe. (Even after my mum just came in to give me a disapproving glance.)

p.s. there are so many things i wanna tell a few people. But to tell them would be weird, and may pull me back into that cycle i just pulled out from. (100% pulled out! YAY!) plus not to mentioned, it may involve breaking that new resolution of mine too. So, I shall not. I shall start writing letters, and give them all out at once at the end of the year. or even nxt yr, when we graduate. grad nite even. XP

Labels: holidays, thoughts

new world

Today was an emotional rollercoaster.
Thanks shan.
Thanks someone who I don’t think reads my blog.

I broke two resolutions in one single night I think. The first resolution..it is obvious I have broken it. The second…the 6-mths long one..I am almost 100% sure I broke it.

But suddenly, the sky seems a bit wider and the world less suffocating. I hope it’s not the darkness playing a trick on me.

I shall try to be less emotionally dependent though. Thanks guys, once again.

p.s. I've decided. i shall try harder for math and physics. i've created a third resolution to give myself added motivation to work harder for the two subjects.

Labels: life

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Boos and Yay(ities)!

I am doing pw stuff now. Boo. =(
And I missed service today. Boo =(
And my laptop is still not fixed. Boo =(

But later seniors are presenting at WRL. Yay! =))
And watching movie tomorrow! Yay! =))
And I love cousin’s presence at home! Yay! =))

And Hamasaki rocks like hell! Yay! =))
been so long since I last listened to Jpop lah..haha.
Which brings me to my next point. Dad fixed the speakers of this com. Which makes this com a little less sucky. Yay!!! =))

Labels: random, weekend

Academic Subjects

Fine, I deleted the previous post from public view. Really shouldn't have blogged that. =S

And I officially declare that I hate math and physics. But I love econs. I've said it a million times, and I'm saying again. I mean, you can actually APPLY econs in your daily life..but math and physics? Useless. Boo. To check the validity of the above statement, simply read the papers.
Then again, you can apply china studies too..but I don't exactly love the subject. Hmm. I suppose it's fine lah. Haha.

Labels: random

Saturday, July 28, 2007

quiz frenzy

supposed to be studying with daniel..but he still haven call me yet. and studying home alone is sooooo boring that i decided to take a break! and take tests!!! LOL.

Your Love Is Represented By a Pink Rose

You see love as something that should be light, fun, and whimsical. People fall in love with you easily. And you tend to fall out of love easily! You express your love through attention and shared experiences. You love people more than they realize.

The next one I’m not sure if I have done it before. But what the heck.

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed. With respect to money, you spend as little as possible. You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others. The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you. You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Deer Animal You Were in a Past Life: Panda You are a fun-seeker - an adventurous, risk-taker. While you are spontaneous, you are not very rational.

You Are 40% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

This next one’s quite accurate I think..in fact, exceptionally accurate. Wow.

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen Peacemaker, first to end a fight Good at thinking up creative dates Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily Going with your gut instead of your head Empathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault Good at recognizing patterns in relationships Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

I took this one, coz I didn’t know what is a dosha. LOL. The picture looks like some kinda fish??
Anyway, it’s accurate at parts, and absolutely not in some.

Your Dosha is Kapha

Calm and grounded, you are not prone to mood swings or anger. However, once you do get angry, it takes a lot to cool you down. You tend to think a little slower than most people, but your logic is astounding. Overall, you very loyal and trustworthy. You're not scared of being who you really are. With friends: You enjoy their company, but often listen more than talk In love: You crave connection and affection. It's hard for you to be single. To achieve more balance: Exercise vigorously (especially in the sun) and let go of attachments.

You Are 60% Addicted to the Internet

You're somewhat addicted to the internet - but who isn't? You can keep it under check, and you're by no means a hermit.

Ok..something that I usually won’t take. But I’m bored! And a bit curious..haha. lucky the results are not all that scandalous. LOL.

Your Lust Quotient: 32%

You are a fairly lustful person, but nothing out of the norm. You usually keep your lust under control, but sometimes it gets the better of you.

You Are 78% Feminist

You are certainly a feminist - whether you know it or not. You believe in gender equality, at least most of the time. You also believe there are a few exceptions.

Okay..Last test. These tests are short..

You Are 28% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

Fine, another one.

Your Lucky Love Color is Purple

When someone gets to know you, the first thing they notice is how romantic you are. The most romantic of all the colors, in fact. You are a big flirt and a total tease. Your antics get you in trouble, but they also get you what you want. And unlike what your color might suggest, you are not a princess of any sort. If anything, you make your man feel like a prince. Your heart is dreamy and open. You don't put restrictions on love - because you never know what can happen.

Okay, this is really really the last one..

You Are 68% Intuitive

You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right. You're wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous. When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it - and look at the facts instead.

Labels: quiz

Friday, July 27, 2007

memories and emotions.

I'm really really very tired. I suppose I should have stayed back to film Othello (again) tonight, but the idea makes me feel like dropping dead. So I made Zijian in charge of the thing, and came home thinking I shall sleep. And end up not being able to sleep at all. Yet still tired. Irony.

Read a few blogs. Including his. By him, I meant the guy who I hate, but ironically still care about. Despite having stopped contact with him for over a year (minus that little gathering where I hardly talked to him at all). He had hurt me deeply and I shall never forgive him.

Yet...

He's blogging fully in Chinese now, it seems. That's so him. I admit, his entire persona is still fresh in my mind. A person like him takes too much effort to forget. I don't believe that he hasn't changed a bit though. I believe everyone changes in one way or another. But even so, I don't want to know how he has changed.
I suppose I miss the good times we had. Sigh.

Read a few others too. Some who are not my friends'. I really should stop reading blogs. Getting to know how they feel is bad...too many people use their blogs for venting bottled up feelings. I used to do that too, until it became too risky. There are so many things blogged which I could identify with, that I start to wonder whether I'm normal. Fine, I know, I emo a bit more than most. But there are others who emo too. What I meant is......is it normal for one person to be able to relate to so many experiences that others are going through? Painful experiences which I've been through...some of these are ones that I've experienced since forever. Is that normal?

Perhaps the reason why I like to be out at night is related to this. Being alone at night in your own room is painfully lonely. Yet night is associated with loneliness. By being out with a friend or two, or even a whole gang of friends, it gives a sense of exclusiveness...like it's special. Normally it wouldn't happen, you wouldn't be together, but you are together anyway...

That's why I like talking on the phone at night, I think. Even when there's nothing to talk about, and all you do is listen to each other’s breathing through the phone. But everyone’s so busy nowadays..

I was looking out for someone the whole day in school today. But it just wasn't meant to be. School always hoped for the school to be bonded, for everyone to know everyone. Yet some classes have timetables which clashes so badly, that you don't get to see each other during breaks, not even along the corridors because class venues are so far apart. It's really occasional that you do meet. Perhaps it's precisely this fact, which made these meetings so precious to me? I don't know. All I know is the rush of joy within me when these moments present themselves.

Labels: life, random, school, thoughts

craves

Was really pissed with a teacher today. But nvm.

Every lecture and tutorial today, some kind of technical screwup happens. Haha. Except for last block physics, unfortunately.

Othello filming today...minor screw-ups, but generally fine. Don’t know what I'll do if Waihan wasn't there though. I'd probably panicked and die. Haha. Got a tripod from AV and realized that it’s faulty. But then there was the ingenious idea of masking tape. Fine. LOL.

I suppose I should probably just get used to this feeling of mine...since it doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. I am happier today though, really. There are just some experiences/encounters that can make me happy, and really forget all my troubles and problems. Even if momentarily. The bad thing about these experiences is that they leave me craving for more, the escapes from the emo-ness is simply addictive.
Good things leave you craving for more, and sometimes that creates new sources of pain, or even more pain.

And I really really hate being alone. Not to say being alone make me think too much.

Thanks CQ, for listening to me tonight. I don't know what I'd do without you.
And shan, yea, I went home alone. =( are u feeling guilty yet? Haha.

I seriously seriously need to get some work done. My posts are getting skimpier and skimpier thou...but what to do? Sigh.

Labels: life, school

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

disappointment

Just got back from Othello full dress...was filming the close shots. Didn’t screw up too much, but not perfect either.

I think I feel better than in the afternoon now. But still..
And I realize something else. The disappointment I felt was far greater than what I thought I would. Which means, it might actually mean a lot more to me than I realized. I feel like I’m repeating an old mistake...but I can’t help myself. My resolution of 6 mths still has 2 more months to go. And I already broke it? I almost despise myself for that. But yet, it may already be a punishment in itself. That what is usually sweet and happy for others come to me as pain more than half the time.

P.S. People who bought Harry Potter. LEND ME!!!!! after you've finished of course...but don't spoil it for me. XP

Labels: life

untitled.

For the first time in ages, I'm typing a blog entry in a blogger browser, since I'm using the school com.

I seriously don't know what's affecting me. Fine, there are problems, but all seem too trivial to affect me so much. Even if you combine all together. Sometimes as I rant to others about a few of these problems, I feel like laughing at myself for my own stupidity. I wonder how the others could stand me. But I can't help myself. It's not the extreme kind of sadness...It's more underlying, hiding and...just there all the time. I don't know how to get rid of it. I constantly feel like I need a hug. But no, it wouldn't feel right to hug shan, nor sammie...though I doubt sammie has the time to meet up with me and give me a hug anyway. It's tough not having your closest friends in school...but no, that's not the problem. I don't know what I really want..But I suppose I just feel really empty. GP yesterday gave me lots of things to thought about, so I realise now that perhaps my escalation into emo-ness was partially due to that. But how come the down-ness is lasting till now? I'm doing the things I wanna do in life. I'm making friends, having friends. My friends care for me. My relationship with my family is getting better. I've got a really really cute bunny. My cousin just came to Singapore. So what is wrong??? This may very well be the peak of my life, but why am I feeling so......empty?

I can't stand this anymore. I know if this carries on I'll become insane. It'd be easier if it's the extreme kind...the kind of emo stages I usually get..whereby I can just let it out and everything becomes better. Go to the sixth floor, beside the lift, indulge in the silence and vastness of space, perhaps with a friend, or even alone. Let it all out, scream even, throw tantrums. And then, (not all, but) most is over. How I wish that's the case. But no, things are a lot more complicated. I need to find the source of this.

Maybe I'm being ungrateful. I know all of my friends are nice...they care about me...etc, etc. But I still feel lonely. I spend so much time with nice people around in the school, yet I still feel lonely. Even while I'm enjoying myself playing cards with Ari, Jeanette and Jared. Even while I'm talking nonsense with stacy and haoyang. Even after I've hugged Candy and Xiu. Nope, the feeling isn't going away. It's increasing in magnitude more than ever. And how I dread the night, for when the night comes, all becomes unbearable. There will be no more distractions of the daily hustle and bustle of school life...no more lectures/tutorials, filming for film soc, co prac...nothing. nothing to distract me. Then I'll have to sink. Sink into the depths of my own emo-ness. and no one can help me.

I'm not trying to imply anything. sammie is busy. I don't blame her. and shan is good at listening to me, and interjecting with comments which seemingly nasty to others but cheers me up. and shan makes sense. but i need something else. maybe I'm greedy. but i don't really know what i really want. i just know i'm not getting it.

this is getting unbearable. i'm miserable. Is this to balance the sign I was given?

Labels: life

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

emotional hiatus

When I emo over thing(s), I get even more irrational than usual. I say things I normally wouldn’t, do things that I wouldn’t have done in my right mind, and more often than not, things that I regret later. Yet when I emo, it’s difficult for me to get out of it. I hope tonight’s repercussions won’t be too bad.

I declare an emotional hiatus.

Labels: life

burden of information

Maybe I am burdening myself with other people’s problems a bit too much. Especially when I’m not really at peace myself. Sometimes, it’s not really good to know too much. I had to be at the wrong place at the wrong time to hear the wrong thing when there’s absolutely no need for me to know. And then I think too much. I’ve always relied on the internet..maybe I’m over-reliant. And the internet, at times, is too efficient. Sometimes, I wish that my intuition were wrong more often...
This morning I thought I were alright. When my senior smsed me, I told myself I must be alright. I got to be happy...But as the day go on, it becomes difficult. And when I finally couldn’t help myself but go online to check some stuff up….Of course, nothing is certain yet. But, intuition is strong. Even if not now, SOMETHING went on.
And worse still, this is something that I have to be very careful with. Meaning no asking the person, no risking things getting leaked out. I’m going on so little, that I think there is a high possibility of me being paranoid.

Under normal circumstances though, today would have been quite a good day. Watched the Girl Who Leapt Through Time..which was good. Econs lecture test wasn’t exactly easy...but judging from responses around me, I suppose I wouldn’t exactly die. Befrienders meeting didn’t drag too long. And I didn’t have to go home alone. (Yep. So CQ don’t have to feel guilty. I KNOW you feel guilty. Boo. Lol. You have to feel guilty lah..then I got face. Haha) All good. =)

This is weird…like the satisfaction of having had a good day, but nevertheless feeling sour and a tinge of sadness within? I should focus more.

Labels: life

Untitled

I AM IN DEEP SHIT. Econs lecture test tomorrow – Case Study, my 死穴. Yet I’ve only just got home from Othello full run, and showered. ARGH. Must study. =( I shall blog more later after I finish chionging econs. =( Ah…Should have brought econs notes to school. Stupid stupid me..

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Coming week.

Today, I got a sign! But no one shall ever know what it is, because it shall always be my own little secret…Anyway, it made me really really happy. Totally made my day! =)
Church was really great today. But I still haven’t got pass my barrier of talking about church, so I shan’t. =(
Finally, I feel like my life is not going to waste. And I’m going to help a lot and a lot of people!!!!
(NOte ot self: Read private blog if you don't know what you are talking abt in the future! XP)

Busy week ahead, yet I’m not feeling half as distressed as last term. Hmm..haha. Let’s have that occasional run-down…
Tomorrow:
- PW interview with Red Cross
- Othello full run
Tuesday:
- Film soc meeting?
- Physics remedial
- Befrienders Meeting (Which is why I’m gonna skip British Council this coming week)
- Othello full run (maybe, since I’m skipping british council, then maybe I’ll just pop by lah)
Wednesday:
- CO prac
- Othello full dress rehearsals (filming)
Thursday:
- BB Grassroots Meeting (tentative)
- Othello (Filming)
Friday:
- Math Remedial
- Othello (Filming)
Saturday
- Othello (Filming)

Despite the run-down, I’m sure I’ve missed out something. I almost missed out the physics remedial just now. And at this moment...Weizhong will say…Get an organizer! I think I heard that so often that nowadays, when ever I’m trying to get organized and start giving myself a run-down of the week…I hear his voice. My gosh. His voice is haunting me. LOL.

Sigh. Don’t remind me how much I hate sciences.

But I realize, upon thinking quite a bit on the matter recently, that liking the subject really will help. I mean, for Econs, I’m sure I could have done better. I spent like ONE DAY revising and I can pass it? Yet I spent 2 weeks revising math and physics, and I still fail. Hmm…that says something. Maybe I should have focused on Econs and get one good grade, since I was gonna fail physics and math anyway. Sigh. Anyway, I shall try to learn to like math and physics, I guess.

Lots and lots of questions going round in my head right now. I hope I can get them sorted out by end of the coming week. XP
I shall chill more, and not get so tense up.
I SHALL MAKE TIME TO GO OUT WITH SAMMIE! Or at least study with Sammie..sorry sam, for not studying with u today =(

Labels: rant, weekend

Saturday, July 21, 2007

YAYAYAYAYA

The whole world has stopped blogging. That is, the whole world except for me and a few rare people. Haha. HELP!!! I'M RUNNING OUT OF BLOGS TO READ! Boo =(. XP

I am soooooooo crap today. Bleh bleh bleh bleh. Blah blah blah blah blah.

Spent the whole day...WHOLE DAY...today with Othello. HAHA. No lah. Watched Othello full run. Naichien seemed so nonchalant that I felt like I was being paranoid over camera angles and stuff!!! ARGH! Like zijian says that I sound like I'm freaking out whenever I talk about filming Othello. Okay, I'm panicky. But not till the extent of FREAKING OUT. Why am I so paranoia??? Pa-ra-no-ia Mei-yi. That has a nice rhythm to it! YAY! ask me how to say it! lol.

I just realized typing yay continuously results in a very strange...er...line.

Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya.

It becomes ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya............
I’m so impatient. I want to talk to someone!!! SOMEONE, TALK TO ME! Not just any someone. But the someone. LOL. I don make sense. BUT I AM HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH. Muahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Nope, sorry to disappoint u guys. I’m not under alcohol influence tonight. I bet I’m not this high even under alcohol! LOL.

ARGH.......I really really really really want someone to talk to me. NOW NOW NOW NOW. shan..............................................................................boohoo...how??????????????

I’m crazy!!!!!!!!! LOL. MAYBE I'M ON DRUGS!!!! YAY!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Labels: random

Hua She DIAN Zu

My appetite’s getting worse and worse each day. Hardly ate anything today..

Today wasn’t that bad. Maybe it started out bad…I felt terrible this morning. But it got better as the day went on. Stacy crashed math remedial for fun, and it was funny! She got like everything correct within such a short time?!?! And Samantha passed by, came in. Just nice the teacher who was in the room was the Bridge teacher Mr Lai so he went like “Eh? How come Samantha is here? You need math remedial?” LOL. But it all came out that Stacy was crashing lah. Haha. And they went like more than 15mins late for H3 math!!! LOL.

Mr Neo’s birthday today and the class got him a birthday cake! We took up econs tutorial (when we are like 2 tutorials behind)! But luckily mr kamel was absent from school…just the right time. So we took one of the physics block for econs instead. =)

The talk with Esther was really helpful. And thanks Shan! Fine, I am indebted to you. Met up with Shan afterwards (around 8+pm) at Bishan. That helped too…though not so much as sorting my emotions and thoughts. But she messed up her schedule just to come and meet me. Really. Thanks lah.

While walking to the station with Shan, I saw this really really really CUTE dress in BYSI! And several others too! But the first one I saw was 60+ bucks and when I tried it, it made me look fat. Boo =(

Actually, talked of sneaking out later in the middle of the night with shan…perhaps 1am or so. But now come to think of it, I think I won’t. Tomorrow still got Othello full run to watch. Haix.

Today’s bad in a way though…in the sense that I couldn’t stop thinking. Or missing. Constant longing must be one of the worst tortures there is. Feelings this intense will eventually pass though, I guess. It always does. I must get more rational. (NO, shan, no more KI.)

Ok, shall end with an quote of the day. (Hua She DIAN Zu) “画蛇点足”Shan’s version of idioms. LOL!!! Oh, and one more…Drawing dragon on a black sheet of paper. Go figure what that meant! LOL.

Labels: life, school

Thursday, July 19, 2007

help.

I need to talk. Desperately. I feel like I’m crashing again.

As if today’s weird mood’s not bad enough…as if the day wasn’t bad enough...Now something else gotta crash onto me.

I need to talk. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. No one, but Sammie regarding this. But she’s not picking up her phone.

I know I over react…I know my emotions are extreme. But my world’s crashing. I feel like I won’t survive tonight.

Help.

Tired Stalker.

Didn't know what to put for title. But it looks ugly without title. So I just randomly took two words from the entry that makes sense together. haha.

Another quiz from gotoquiz.com. I think their quizzes are nice to do, especially since many of them require less than 5 minutes. Haha.



Let Joanne out just now…Joanne’s in the ‘rebellious stage’! Usually if I scold her for doing something, she’ll stop (eventually) but today she refused to stop! So as a punishment, I returned her to her cage earlier. I wonder though, whether it’s partially my fault? Haven’t had the time to let her out for the past two days after all…

Maybe I’m in a weird mood today again. It’s difficult to describe this kind of mood, simply because it is so weird. But it wasn’t as bad as the last time I guess. Anyway, I was reading blogs just now and a random thought came to me. What happened to all my dreams? I remember I use to dream a lot…But somehow the frequency for my dreaming started decreasing and I’m having dreamless nights these days..

I think reading blogs is one of my primary ways of getting to know people. I realize that each time I want to be friends with someone, or I’m starting to feel that an acquaintance is becoming a ‘friend’, I start visiting the person’s blog(s) regularly. And it helps a lot too…provided that the person posts entries in the first place. Even nonsensical posts help sometimes…Content isn’t all there is to a post entry anyway. Sometimes reading between the lines is more important..Blog entries tell so much more about a person than what’s on the surface. I think this applies to any piece of writing?
Gosh, I’m such a stalker.. =P

DISCLAIMER: That doesn’t mean I don’t blog surf though. I still read a lot of strangers’ blogs. You don’t have to know me for me to target your blog. Muahahahahahahaha…

This must be the earliest time I’ve ever blogged an entry for the past few months! Haha. Probably later in the night, I’ll feel the temptation and start blogging again. Lol. argh..I feel so tired! shall go and take a short nap! *yawn* gosh, I’m sleeping so much these two days…accumulated fatigue. Urgh. XS

Labels: joanne, quiz, random

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Wearisome Wednesdays

Not exactly a bad day today…just rather unhappening. But since when did Wednesdays become happening? Wednesdays must be the blandest of all days.
Supposed to have CO prac from 4pm onwards. But I ponned. This must sound weird from me. But yea, I ponned. Realised exactly how serious my lack of sleep is today. I couldn’t keep awake throughout the two hour CSE block (one hour lecture, one hour tutorial). Original plan was to stay for CO prac, then go for Othello full run. But Wangting wanted to see the people filming Othello, meaning we’ll have to go for the Saturday run anyway. Plus my extreme tired-ness…Plus I thought CY won’t be going home with me (she said she’ll be done by 5.30pm but she called at 6.30pm to ask me to go home with her…the time I would have been done if I had gone for CO)…So I decided to go home and sleep. Not that it helped a lot…But it still helps lah. Slept 3 hours just now.
I’m running behind schedule for so many things in my life that I’m losing track of what I’m supposed to do and when I’m suppose to do them by. If Weizhong reads this, he’s gonna say “Get an organizer”. But nope, an organizer is not gonna help. If my phone doesn’t help much, then an organizer probably won’t be of much use either. Sigh.
Short entry today. I really feel like going back to sleep. I think I’ll sleep soon. Maybe go through math notes or something..

P.S. Previous entry (the lightning risk entry) was on tuesday!!! LOL. XP

Labels: school

I'm Social Nerd!

We, at British Council, have more or less agreed that the lessons are not worth the money. SIGH.

During PE, we saw on the PE whiteboard that there’s “Lightning Risk” and thus stay out of outdoors..
Apparently, the teachers didn’t pay any attention to that. =P we played Frisbee in the fields.

Went to esplanade to film today….ALONE. boo. X( But nevermind lah, I suppose. It’s better for just one person to endure the unbelievably hot sun than for two people. Minimize implicit cost incurred. LOL. Don’t think I got any super great shots though. Sigh. I thought that the view from the expressway in the distance would be great…almost perfect in fact! But I had no time, and I think I’ll need to either get a bike or take a bus to get to the expressway. And won’t it be weird, perhaps even impossible for me to get on the expressway and film from there. So oh well. I hope I filmed the correct stuff for Zijian. Haha.

Now, I’m really really grateful to Kellynn for making me stay in class to finish that GP essay. Or else I wouldn’t have the time to blog right now. But I drank coffee. Urgh. So can’t really sleep. But shall sleep soon..

Someone else other than waihan does quizzes! XP This one’s from woonie’s blog.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Anime Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Musician
Drama Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Quite a few nice quizzes on gotoquiz.com I think. I shall go try them when I have more time. HAHA.

There’s a “Playlist Quiz” Woonie had that was real interesting. But I can’t do it coz this stupid com has no speaker. Boo. =( I shall do it when I get my lappy back! X)

Speaking of which, when on earth is my lappy gonna come back? =S

Right. Now I shall go back to trying to sleep. Coffee = bad. =X

Labels: cca, quiz

Monday, July 16, 2007

Yipee Day!

Today, my happy mood continues! Haha. Okay, that sounds random, but it’s true! And this is good kind of happy, because it’s not so intense and most importantly it lasts.

I had sausages for breakfast/lunch today! =) Wanted to sneak some during pw, but the smell was so strong that it traveled. Everyone smelt them lah! And then Ernest went to say that it was fart and started saying that I farted! ARGH……lol. So yea, started my horror. Eugene keeps saying they smell. Ian (who was sitting on the other side of the classroom) DELIBERATELY stood up and went to the wall on the far side. I was sooooo embarrassed!!! And Haoyang later on ran away from me in the canteen!!! Haha. But then I suppose most are smart enough to realize that I really didn’t fart lah. LOL. At least Stacy agreed that they didn’t smell that bad. I still think they smell nice! They taste nice too! Hee~

Went for Oteam briefing. I really really want to join Oteam. Another added motivation for mugging hard for promos. Yesh. Before the briefing, I slacked (contradictory to my resolution of mugging hard for promos, I know) with Ari and we played 7 hand poker and silly fortune telling games. I shall practice my shuffling!!!! LOL. And then Ari taught me a bit of guitar chords in the guitar room…where Woonie later came by…and you guessed it. He forgot my name….AGAIN! Fourth time already!!! lol. Oh well…but he redeemed himself lah. We were at the mrt, when waihan called. I was trying to reach CY (she had lion dance prac) but she never pick up her phone. So I called tien and waihan, but all of them never pick up. So at the mrt, waihan called, and I was finally able to reach CY! And so I decided to wait for her at the MRT. And nice woonie decided to wait too! YAY! Thanks (if you actually happened to read this. Haha.) So yesh, I forgive him for all the four times. Felt damn guilty lah. LOL.
Yay! So on the train was crapping crapping….and Woonie found a new way to go home! Coz he and CY live quite near each other so he decided to try CY’s way of going home…take bus from woodlands! LOL. I so pro. Intro people and people get benefits! LOL. Man, my ego is swelling like hell. Lol.
And I conclude that people can be more blur than me. LOL.
I WANT TO GET IN OTEAM!!!! X)

And my sister decided that she shall adopt this golden-retriever-look-alike mongrel after her O levels. I like dogs so I don’t mind. (In fact I may even keep one if I had the time.) But that would also mean I’ll have to think of alternative arrangements for Joanne. I can’t leave her cage on the floor. No matter how gentle Husky (the dog’s name) is, it’s still not safe. Sigh. Oh well, I have up to end of the year to worry about that.

Gonna go to esplanade to film stuff for national day video tomorrow. Although I’m not in the crew. LOL. But give zijian a break lah…he do so much, very sian one. Haha. Lucky tomorrow last block is GP and Mrs Tan ain’t coming….heh…..
Someone come with me and keep me company leh…XS

OTEAM!!!!

Labels: school

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Quiz Frenzy!

Waihan’s blog is like my supplier for quizzes nowadays. Nobody else I know still do them as often as he does. Haha. Well, I finished cleaning Joanne’s cage..so here’s another one.. =)

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
Erm. Either Sammie, Shan, Daniel…or That Person.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your trolley?
Yep! =)) even if it’s free…coz I’m nice! X)
3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
Erm, problem is I’ve never kissed? HAHA. If the person is someone I like I guess.
4. Do you play Sudoku?
I suck at it. =(
5. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Maybe?
6. Do you like tongue rings?
What are tongue rings….if that’s piercing, then I think that will be super uncomfortable. Not to mention ugly.
7. Could you ever date someone with different religious beliefs?
Probably.
8. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
A bit of both…but when girls pursue too much, then people laugh at them and call them despo?
9. Use three words to describe yourself at the moment.
Happy. Contented. Bored.
10. Do any songs make you cry?
yea, a couple. An Jing…Jesus Take The Wheel…then there’s shang hu hai and wu ding, but that wasn’t coz of the song. It’s more circumstantial.
11. Are you continuing your education?
Of course.
12. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
No. BUT I WANT TO LEARN! That will be damn cool lah.. XP
13. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you'd save?
My family. And Joanne. And Tuna.
14. Who were the last 3 people you shared a bed with?
Sammie, Shan, my sis.
15. What colour are your eyes?
Dark brown.
16. How tall are you?
155. Boo. =( I’m like so short. Urgh.
17. What colour is your hair?
Dark Brown? Pure black is rare these days.
18. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
The quiz? Yea…why not?
19. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yep! NEOPRINTS!
20. When was the last time you were at the mall?
Strictly speaking, youth day at plaza sing. But last time I shopped in a mall was june lah!!! Boohoo….
21. Favourite ex?
erm.
22. Do you like mustard?
Ewwww……
23. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep.
24. Do you look like your mum or dad?
Neither.
25. How long does it take you to shower?
Ranges from 15mins to 90mins. LOL.
26. Can you do the splits?
Used to. Primary 4?
27. What movie do you want to see right now?
erm...not really. Harry potter I guess.
28. Do you own a camera phone?
Yea, but the camera sucks.
29. Was your mum a cheerleader?
Nope..but everything else!!! Tracker, vballer...
30. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Normally 4-6hrs. Occasionally 8-9hrs. Sometimes on ultra slack days, like holidays, 10-13 hrs! LOL.
31. What do you buy at the movies?
salty popcorn! X)
32. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Yea..i don wanna die.
33. What do you wear to sleep?
diao.
34. Anything big ever happen in your town?
yea. Murder downstairs. Opposite block’s void deck.. That’s big enough?
35. Do you like your hair straight or curly?
Curly! It’s naturally curled anyway.
36. Is your lip pierced?
no?
37. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Funny!
38. Do you like the rain?
Playing in the rain is fun! Provided I have the mood…and that I’m not already getting sick. And that it’s the breezy breezy kinda rain, not the humid kind.
39. Ocean or pool?
Ocean.
40. What's your favourite drink?
erm…lemon tea, green tea, teh-c, teh-tarik, strawberry milk, chocolate milk…
41. Do you need a bf/gf to be happy?
erm, I’ve survived thus far, haven’t I?
42. Do you like pink?
YESH!!! X)

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ESFP)

Your personality type is playful, charming, open minded, and energetic. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 5% of all men You are Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great. One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog... And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes. Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Forward

No doubt that you've got game Just a little too much game for some guys Maybe it's just that some men like a challenge Or they think they're not challenging enough for you!

You Are 82% Pure

You're so pure ... you make a nun look like a whore! There's a lot of life's dark side left for you to experience... if you want to.

Your Average American Name Is...

Brenda Lee Williams

Your Nail Polish Color is Black

How you're unique: There's nothing about you that isn't unique Why your style rocks: You are a total indie chick... and you can pull it off What this color says about you: "I'm a trendsetter and don't care what anyone else is doing!"

Your Inner Child Is Happy

You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing. You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes. And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad. You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to.

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality. You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex. You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular. Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!). Deep down you are: Dependable and modest Your partying style: Understated and polite Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody. And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty highly. You're completely devoted to your friends and family. Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them. Just make sure they're equally loyal to you! Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount. You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility a fair amount. You tend to be an easy going, humble person. But occasionally your ego takes over. You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

Labels: quiz

Special Day

Today's an important day. I am happy. I went for FCBC's youth service. At first it was overwhelming, after afterwards it was okay. I felt like I am accepted once again. I felt like everything will be alright. Life doesn't seem so screwed anymore and problems were no longer magnified. It wasn't by chance I went today, especially since the sermon was especially relevant to me and my situation. I'm thankful.
Obviously, I didn't open up in just one day. It takes time I know. But I felt that today was a step. It may still be quite a while before I can freely discuss about issues on this, without any ambiguities, but right now, I'm still searching. What I do know though, is that I'm on the right track. And I never want to go back the way I came from again. No matter what happens.

Yesh. OK. now my tummy is desperately begging for food. =S

maybe I'll do some of those quizzes i've been wanting to do for ages later on in the night.

no...before that i shall clean Joanne's cage. and help my sis clean Tuna's cage too. =X

Labels: life, weekend

Saturday, July 14, 2007

penniless.

Meiyi found some extremely nice (and quite cheap) dresses while doing online shopping today. and nice tank tops. and nice earrings. and nice shoes. and nice notebooks. But poor Meiyi is too broke to buy any of them. =(

[EDIT: 10.02PM] It just so happened that Meiyi was suddenly overcome with guilt for having neglecting her beloved adobe photoshop for so long. However, it's regretful that Meiyi's (similarly) beloved lappy is under repair and she cannot install Photoshop on this lousy laggy computer. So the repentful Meiyi shall satisfy herself by brushing up and improving her skills 'virtually' by browsing through online Photoshop tutorials, and be contented. Till her beloved lappy comes back to her some time next week (hopefully).
Oh dear, Meiyi just realised that she hasn't touched any work for tonight. She has decided that after finishing just this one more photoshop tutorial, she shall go back to the boring and joyless task of reading her cse notes and doing her math tutorials. Drats. X(
OH, and Meiyi just joined 100 words. For what she does not know. =P
let's see if she can manage to complete even one batch. if she manages, then...wow.

Labels: rant

Trying hard at life.

I had a terrible arguement this morning with mum. Over the same old issues. It's getting so old that I don't even wanna talk about it anymore. But it reminded me just how different I am from the rest of the family. Joining the raffles family is definitely a good thing, but it kinda alienated me somewhat. True that I didn’t really fit in rg, but it’s undeniable that rg provided me with so many opportunities and opened my eyes with regards to various issues which I would not have encountered otherwise. It gave me exposure to people from different walks in life. So naturally my personality and views are shaped somewhat by my experience in rg and rj. And that’s where the differences step in I guess. Or maybe I just had it innate in me, just that the raffles experience sparked it off. Anyhow, raffles played a part. I just have to learn how to cope with my being different in the family. Family is the basic unit after all. The immediate emptiness I felt right after drama fest made me renew my efforts and gave my family another chance. Maybe it wouldn’t have felt as terrible if this was my first attempt and not the second.

The argument made me late for PW survey at changi airport, and as a result, I wasn’t very productive. My moods were ruined in the first place anyway. Speaking to weiren and weizhong about God gave me new insights. I haven’t sort out all my thoughts like I thought I have. This is getting messier and messier. I gotta do something about it soon. Like tomorrow.
Yea, I’m going back to church tomorrow. Shan, don’t tag anything unpleasant. I have Christian friends reading my blog. Need to sort out everything within me soon, and I hope going back to church will help me. My life has lacked direction for way too long already..

I love reading blogs, but hate it at the same time. You always manage to come upon some troubled entries every now and then. It’s bad enough that people are troubled (I feel bad enough)…but life won’t be perfect. I’ve accepted that. The terrible part comes when the person in question is my friend, or someone who I want to be good friends/closer friends with. Especially when it’s someone I wanna be good friends/closer friends with. Coz then I wouldn’t be able to help, not if the person refuses to allow me to help. And when that happens, I feel terribly useless. All I can do then is to pray for them and hope someone will be able to help them.

Not being a close friend, or even a good friend, I can’t probe too much. That’s frustrating. I hope he’s alright. I do have the tendency to read too much into things and dramatize stuff in my mind after all. If only he’d come to me…

[EDIT] why do troubled posts come in waves? like there is some invisible negative synergy going around affecting my circle of friends from time to time..

If only everyone I know who’s troubled or unhappy would come to me.

If my life were a sin graph, I would describe my current position as the minimum point. BUT I keep trying to inverse it. That’s the difference this time round. It’s like trying to rotate the graph by 180 degrees about the x-axis, but right now it’s at, say, 80 degrees. There’s 50/50 chance for it to move either way, and as hard as I’m pushing it, it’s still not bulging towards the positive and threatening to drop down to the pits. As I said, I use weird analogies, but how else to I express what I wanna say? I’m never good with expressing my thoughts.
Hopefully, I won’t sink this time round again.

Labels: life, thoughts, weekend

Friday, July 13, 2007

Black Friday

Today was 13th the Friday. It's supposed to be a day of bad luck but somehow I've always been fascinated with the day. I remember one of the Black Fridays last year, when a black cat actually detoured to cross behind me, and I had good luck for the entire day! X)

Anyway, nothing really bad happened to me today. Last night I slept at 9+pm, intending to wake up at 11+pm to do some more work. But I didn't. =( Which makes today really bad since a lot of the work I planned to do last night weren't done yet. Sigh. Not to mention I was ultra late this morning for school coz I didn't set my alarm (it was set to 11pm). XS Other than that, all was really fine. Even math remedial was fine. haiz.

And I wanna say that Uno Stacko is fun! Was Black Friday today (Hadley-Hullet's house day) and they were lending out games. So Samantha went to get Uno Stacko and me, samantha, stacy and kellynn started playing. Reminds me of my primary school days. haha. Oh, and i just realised something. Staco Wacko plays Uno Stacko. LOL.

On a brighter note, my cousin (Qing Jie) is coming over to study! er, another cousin. Not the primary 5 one who's already here. The one who finished her Uni. She'll be here by the end of the month. Though it also meant that this house is gonna get even more crowded than it already is. SIGH. oh well, I don't mind! haha. At most I'll just do most of my studying outside anyway.
Man...I wish my (another) cousin (Yong Ge) would come over after he finishes his studies too..X)
Okay...I know. Qing Jie and Yong Ge sounds really weird. But they sound okay in dialect, plus I've called them that since I was young...so...

Wow. This blog post took over 2 hours to type. I left it hanging here and there. I think it sounds disjointed now. haha. been kinda distracted today..

I agree with perlin's msn nick. 'Nobody's perfect till you fall in love with them.' But i'll add on something else. 'Nobody is perfect till you fall in love with them. Or maybe you just didn't think too much about them before.'

oh, and I need to apologise to a few people. Sorry for having vented anger on you guys yesterday. I seriously need 'emotions management' therapy. haha. Well, I was in a bad mood coz of physics lah..Luckily, it was Econs lecture after physics. Econs always has a way of cheering me up! =)

Just came back from getting contact lens solution. Complete solution is being taken off shelf globally. Which I'm thankful for. I always thought their product had a bit of problems...But I continued buying them anyway coz shan uses them and it's more convenient for her when she stays over..Well, now I get to use P2! =) I hope shan uses P2 too..Bought Zig markers and highlighters too! =) Now I got blue, orange, pink and green zig markers! yay! X)

And I wanna watch 200 pounds beauty. it looks fun. haha.

and tomorrow i'm going to changi airport for pw survey. wish me luck. =)

P.S. OH! And I just got a terrific idea! Since I don't really have time to do design these days anymore, why not I bring blank paper everyday to doodle? Then perhaps I'll use the doodlings and do something with them!! enhance them a bit, edit a bit, and then make a layout! LOL. just an idea...a period of 4-5 mths, even with my frequent 'off' days, some decent doodlings are bound to be possible..X)
I think I must be quite proud of my doodling during CSE (see prev post). CQ, see what you have done. boosted my ego like siao. LOL.

P.P.S. I shall post more photos of Joanne up soon! X) My...she has grown..XP

Labels: life, random, school

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Too much coffee

I think I drank too much coffee today. Had to keep awake in school today, so I drank more than I normally would. And by 4+pm (CO practice), I was dying. Coz I felt so tired, that I could actually sleep while practising! Thing is, though the caffeine cruising through my body was no longer strong enough to keep me awake, it worked its magic by making me drift in and out of sleep! So I couldn't get a good sleep after CO prac. A bad sleep is still sleep afterall, and now I feel much better. No longer have that vomitting sensation.
Didn't watch 'Girl Who Leapt Through Time' today after all coz the only show time left was 10.30am at Orchard Cathay. (wouldn't have gone to watch it actually even if there were showtimes coz i really was very tired). Meaning I've missed the movie. As usual. ARGH. nvm, maybe I'll order the dvd online someday. After the promos. XP There's Harry Potter coming up though! (fine, i admit i don't have much of an expectation for it, but it's just nice to follow since i've read all the books and watched all the movies so far. same goes for the book. my gosh, what kind of a cheesy title is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?? for goodness sake, it's the last book! come up with a better title lah..and if this latest book is gonna be even worse than half blood prince...XS)

And I still haven clarify with Ms Lim on why my name didn't appear on the list of people who needs to go for Math remedial. Coz according to Tan Chen, she's absent coz she's getting married. Hmm. But nevermind, I've just decided that even if my name's not on the list, I'll still go for remedial anyway.
AND I PASSED ECONS! YAY! it's all the case study's fault lah..sigh. i hate case studies. boo. shall go for consultation together with stacy nxt week. yesh. i shall get A for econs by the end of this year. (i'm like repeating that to myself every day these days. like if i don't repeat it again and again, i'll forget about it or something. lol.)

Just now, I searched high and low for a pair of speakers coz the lack of music is driving me nuts. I mean, I have my favorite music with me in the external hard disk, why can't i listen to it? But this household doesn't have a single working speaker. Which doesn't matter anyway, coz I ended up plugging in the earphones to find out that my dad didn't install any sound card, thinking that this is gonna be my temporary com anyway. ARGH. it doesn't help that my mp3 just broke down. urgh. I WANT MUSIC!!!

Sis just told me a joke that happened today. She was talking with her friends about friend A being very 幸福 (coz she gets 11 bucks a day for pocket money). Then her friend shamira was learning chinese, so she asked what 幸福 meant. And they explained it as 'fortunate'. Later on, they met friend A at the mrt, and shamira told her that they were talking abt her. And when she asked what did they say abt her, guess what she said? 'They said you are very sinful.' LOL.

Just found out that my sis learns jc math in her sch. anderson sec. they are siao. but i suppose what they do is quite easy lah. integration for area isn't really that difficult. it's difficult only when it's a difficult question. so far, from what i've seen, her worksheets are all the 5-mins can do le kinda questions lah..

Okay, I think I better sleep earlier tonight. Gonna die. I'm totally screwing up my system. My skin is breaking out. My appetite is non-existant. I kinda live on junk food. And my concentration is becoming imaginary. URGH.

P.S. I doodled during CSE lecture today. Something I did back in RG for math in order to stay awake. And it kinda worked! =)

Labels: life, random, school

A cycle experienced in life.

This com I'm using has a serious problem. It always hangs when I type my post on blogger. It hanged on me twice already. So I shall type the post in notepad and paste it over. =(
I dislike typing any post twice. Coz it then loses the spontaneity most of my posts have.

I wasn't in the weird mood today anymore. And I wanna thank Wynne. For talking to me. It really helped. I sorted out a lot of stuff which has been going on inside me for quite sometime.

Finally went for British Council today, after forgetting about it for two whole weeks. The new teacher was quite alright, although the others thought of him as boring. I thought he's boring too, but I didn't think Jane did any better. Nevertheless, I prefer Jane. Sigh.

For film soc meeting, we brainstormed a bit about the school tour video. I suspect Lizheng (the councillor in charge) memorized the exact terms which were conveyed to him. According to him, the video must be "professional, sophisticated, fun, interesting and ". LOL. We've gotten some ideas, but nothing concrete yet. Which is bad. It means we have an uphill task ahead of us and it is due in two weeks time. XS
Other than that, we kinda slacked. Naichien planned for us to edit the AIDS video but since there's only the interview done, and it's one of the least urgent projects we have at hand, we changed our plans. Watched Youtube videos!!!! I showed them a couple minutes of the Final Fantasy parody...but then Ms Veluri came to lock up so we didn't finish it. Oh well...I'll post the link! =)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pNzFE8rNPQU

I know I've talked about this before..But it still amazes me how people go through the same experiences. Been blog reading and it happened again. Someone wrote something which is terribly similar to what I've written just two weeks ago. And it so happens that I found out through conversation with others even more similarities which I shared with that person in school today.

I think this process of finding similarities between you and a specific person is a cycle. It comes in bouts...in waves. It's amazing how we are all so different yet the same. We have different personalities, interests and lives, but yet more often than not, we find ourselves on the same boat as someone else, sometimes someone who you never thought you could relate to. Or sometimes, it's people you expected to be able to relate to in the first place. Either way, it's equally amazing. It comes in cycles, because at one time, over a period of time, you may continuously find out more about a person, discover similarities which makes you feel like you can relate. And afterwards, these simply dissipitate into thin air. Perhaps the similarities are still there, but it doesn't feel as significant anymore. Or maybe situations made them insignificant. Maybe even insignificant to them though not you. But as time passes, soon you find yourself going through another round of the exact same process. Finding out more about a second person...by fate, yes, by fate..and then finding out these similarities....

Maybe 'similarities' is my 'weak link'. Not many would know what i'm talking about. The feeling of not wanting to conform yet wanting to belong.

I guess the most important thing is to not get tricked by these cycles. Something which I've been trying to do, though how successful I am, I do not know. To get tricked into believing...To believe by itself is a risky thing to do. To believe is to become vulnerable. And I don't think I'm ready to get hurt once again.

I think maybe I'm not really nonchalent about life. It's more like contentment. So much that I'll take whatever life gives me. Even death. yes, that would explain a lot..

Maybe that novel I just finished reading is affecting me? HAHA. 'Death Comes In The End' by agatha christie. GOOD READ! read it. XP oosh, it's overdue though. I'd better remember to return it tomorrow. urgh. XS

Labels: school, thoughts

12:08 AM

Monday, July 09, 2007

Detached

This one entry per day resolution is starting to work less as a plan than as a necessity. Sigh.
Today, I was in a weird mood. Somehow. Some might call it 'loner', but having experienced the 'loner' mood before, I know this isn't it. Stuff ran through my mind today. Simply the question of 'How was (insert name) like back in secondary school?' came to me more than five times throughout the course of the day. As I was walking home from mrt, my mind somehow conjured the image of a gaping mouth with tint of blue and it wouldn't go away till i got home. Simply weird.

I think blogging once a day is good. It forces me to reflect and 'consolidate' my life. Leave me more composed and kinda purify my soul? Don't know if I'm putting this across correctly.
And I thought today, about the idea of fate. I've always believed in fate to some extent I think. And fate really isn't contradictory to the belief in God, because fate is something arranged by God? I don't know.

I think I'm being rather random today. Not in the silly way, but in a weird and detached way.

Well, I'm like rather prepared for all my lessons in school today and boy, it felt good. haha. I shall buck up! I shall do well! I want to...no, I WILL get an A for Econs. H3 or no H3 i still love econs. and perhaps if I'm lucky, if i manage to handle everything well by the end of this year, i might try for nus h3 econs nxt year! since i've missed my chance this yr...or i can try to be included in that case-by-case list. then again, i'm most probably too ambitious again. i reached like 20% of my goals and targets???

No, but I'll definitely get A for Econs for promos. I have to.

Math today is rather discouraging though. I know my math is bad. But 3 hours for 6 questions is beyond hope. I need someone to tutor me math.

Dead tired, but i finally found the time to do stuff like planning and sorting out stuff to do, so that i don miss anything out or double-book myself, etc,etc. SIGH. tomorrow there's british council too. another late night. X(

This post is turning into a rant session. Oh dear..

Oh, and I noticed how I've been talking to myself aloud lesser these days! YAY!!! haha...actually I didn't notice it myself lah, but nevermind. Anyway, there are several people I wanna thank, but then I suppose it's better for me not to name them. You know who you are anyway. If you are not sure, can come ask me if you are one of them!!! haha.
-------------------------------------------------

Suddenly I remember something that happened on Saturday. After CHMA. As we were walking down te pathway across the grassfield in front of S11, we saw a rabbit in the middle of the field. Bad mood caused me to forget completely about it, something which usually bothers me for days. Oh dear, I wonder what happened to it. A domestic rabbit can never survive for long out there. It's unlikely to be abandoned since usually pple abandon rabbits with a cage. But then again, there are crazy cruel people around. I bet it escaped and its owners are super worried now. Sigh. I hope someone reported it to the House Rabbit Society of Singapore or something. Oh man, maybe I should have go take a look around the area today. urgh...

Dad just fixed my light - replaced the burnt out one of the two light
bulbs with a new one. Now the room's twice as bright that I can't get used to
it. Yet somehow, it's making me a teeny bit more cheery..

Labels: life, rant, school, thoughts

11:53 PM

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Sunday class outing

Let's see...I still don't have my beloved lappy back and am still working on this sub-standard ancient machine which threatens to hang every now and then.

Ended up not going for the filming because I really had no time to finish everything I wanna do. Spent the morning on doing PW research and stuff. And the entire afternoon on cse. which meant I missed class outing too. Not entirely though, since I went over to join them at Sakae Sushi at round 7.30pm. Tan Chen treated everyone to movies!!! argh...I should have gone. haha. Oh nvm, he bought bicardi for me anyway. X) asked him at 7/11 why is he treating everything that day and he says that they have the tradition of treating friends on your birthday. "You spend the time and I spend the money." Hmm...I always thought that the birthday boy/girl is the one who should get treated...

Anyway, luckily I went for class outing, coz I completely forgot about GP assignment!! argh. which was what I was doing right now until I decided to come and blog first. Stupid GP. I think even if I put in an entire fire engine truck full of efforts now, I might still fail my GP in promos. Okay, or maybe get an E. Which was what I got for CTs. Whatever grade I get, I'll be last in class.Which reminded me. I've accidentally skipped two british council gp lessons in a row. First was during the CT week and the second during last tuesday. oops. completely forgot about it. sigh.

and i think 4.8% is too weak for any effect to take place. i could hardly feel anything. just as well, i thought since it's a school night i shouldn't take anything too heavy..but this is...erm...It's like wasting money. sigh. i wanted to get high lah..
My sis is getting Four Emus this yr end! X) great! I heard four emus is great.

oh, and some time today, in the middle of doing pw, I surfed the net for around half an hour or so. And I finally went round to checking out Technorati which I keep hearing from others whenever I talk about blogs. Quite cool..found a few blogs which I've been trying to find for ages! LOL. yay.

ok, now i really should get back to my gp. sigh. dreaded gp. dreaded coming week too, for i'm sure to fail my remaining two subjects too. really gotta buck up for promos. sigh.
i want my lappy back.

Labels: weekend

11:41 PM

CHMA

It's nearly 1am now and I only just got back from CHMA. It stands for Catholic High Music Awards. Why do I go for CHMA? 1) My best friend was from st nic, so i happened to go chma last yr with her. both of us agreed that it was good and decided we shall go again this year. 2) Fengheng's band is playing. As guest/alumni performer.

Yep, but we all agreed that the standards dropped. HAIZ. oh well..But Mark Tan is still the best host ever. HAHA. Totally love him. I think weddings hosted by him will be incredibly interesting. Ok, that was a random point.

Plus this year's chma has a bit of a overly-chinese feel to it? erm...i like chinese-ness (note i'm in co, was in copera, and i'm in chinese speaking family. all my relatives are in china) but it just didn't feel very....cat high. haha.

Okay, actually I'm very enthu about CHMA one...but just quarrelled with my mum and it totally ruined my spirits. So shan't talk more. maybe i'll talk abt it more tmr, if i still had the mood and feeling better.

I'm hungry.

Well, by tomorrow night, I must finish my part of the pw stuff...and tomorrow 1pm i have filming to do, and after 3pm there's class outing. so yea..n i need to read my cse. desperatly. so yea, studying + doing pw tonight and hopefully for tmr morning too. i shall slp at say...2.30am? 3am?

And I'm a taurus. Which means I am stubborn. I refuse to give up my social life, my ccas and all the important parts of my life. no matter how much pressure everyone gives me. including my mum. with all due respect, I listen to her opinions..but i'm still gonna live my own life. so what i'm different from the family...so what that i'm nocturnal...?
and i'm definitely gonna go university, or i'll not return home or something.

i suppose everyone thinks i'm a super bad girl now.

Labels: life, rant, weekend

1:03 AM

Friday, July 06, 2007

flitting here and there.

Wow, my one post per day plan is working out quite well...LOL. But life doesn't really permit more than that these days i guess.

Went to see the teacher today...And...I suppose I'll just give up on the H3 econs. Coz my CTs aren't good. BUT I shall strive to get all my H2 grades up to really really good for promos. Especially econs. I'll bring it up to A, no matter what. Then maybe I'll get bargaining power? To cut into the H3 lessons, or maybe take the H3 NUS modules...See first lah. I'm sure I have the ability to do well in my studies, provided that I don't get too caught up with my other commitments and that I manage to discipline myself into having better time management..

Other than that, life still is quite good lah I guess. School as per normal, other than my almost-missing the math class which was shifted forward to the geog period. Played bridge with Yiding and his friends and got into a 100% losing streak. Keep kena called as partner and causing my partner to lose. Guessed I used up all of my luck yesterday. haha.

Anyway, was going home when I met hanyu and got reminded about my H3 issue. Went back to find the teacher and found the

conclusion above. Anyway, CQ smsed me to go home together, but he wanted to attend the medicine talk with his friend. So I decided to go library to study. And on my way to the library, I met shuyi, who was about to go to the bball courts to practice shooting for the IHC bball. And I got dragged along. HAHA. I miss bball…Bumped into a J3 and 2 J5s and played bball with them. HAHA. Quite fun lah. But afterwards, everyone dispersed and I finally went to the library to do that much needed studying. 40 mins later, CQ smsed and we went home. So basically, I just got dragged all over the place today. LOL.

Oh, and I feel really happy now. Coz my friend trusted me enough to tell me a secret which meant something. Yes, simple things like that make me really happy. although me and my friends live screwed lives, we should still find contentment in simple things or our lives will be filled up with sorrow. =S

CHMA TOMORROW NITE!!! YAY! X)

P.S. My dad ended up screwing my lappy too. So now both lappys are under repair. The computer I’m using right now (as a temporary substitute to half my soul) is really sucky. It has zero speakers (and I’m lazy to dig out my old ones), is super slow and keeps hanging. I hate it. But sigh, what can I do?

Labels: life, school

11:23 PM

Thursday, July 05, 2007

WINNING STREAK

Today's a happy happy happy day! =) On happy days, even the most dreadful thing doesn't seem so terrible anymore. Well, my dad's com got burned out and he wants my laptop. Not my sister's, but mine. Coz his hard drive is only compatible with mine. So yea. That's half my soul gone for a couple of days at least. But it's not too bad...He's lending me a computer as compensation. But 'computers' are not in my soul, it's my own unique personalised lappy that's half my soul. So, it doesn't work this way. HAIZ. But I sympathize with Dad, and I understand his pain of having HIS half a soul out of order. So I shall be cooperative.

Other than that, LIFE IS GOOD! YAY!!!!! Played bridge and 7-hand poker today. Won EVERY SINGLE ROUND. WOOT!!! 100% WINNING STREAK! haha. Played bridge with Jeanette, Stacy and Samantha, and I won every round of the 4 games. Played 7-hand poker with Kangwei, and then Kinkit, and won both games too! WOOT!!! haha. I think I was damn lucky today lah. Especially for bridge, I was kinda distracted by something and my mind wasn't really on the game and still I manage to win all four. YAY! haha.

Not to mention that I got to read some stuff which helped me to quit worrying...some things had been on my mind. Not that everything's resolved already, but it helped a lot! YAY! I shall just take a break and try to get everything out of my mind for a while.

And Mrs Tan had been so helpful today! She gave me advice on how to go about trying to get that H3 I've been dying for but due to my blurness, my chances are drastically reduced. In fact, right now my chances is almost 0%. But I shall not give up!!!!

I LOVE THE ECONS LECTURE TODAY!!! Don't ask me why. Haha. I didn't understand everything, but everything sounded so.....interesting. Challenging? But that might be too strong a word to use. LOL. Anyway, I think Wynne must have thought me as mad. Hmm...

And I played with Joanne for an entire hour today! Okay, not really. I just let her run around while I tried to do math and read my cse. and pet her occasionally when she comes to me. I feel so guilty for not playing with her this two days lah...sigh.

Yesh. LIfe is good!!! yay! meiyi is high and invincible today!

Oh, actually, I just thought of a not so good thing. Went for the ihc soccer practice...and i was sooo lousy. I know, it's expected. i really wanna have fun, i mean that's like my life's philosophy? but playing around strangers, especially since they are so pro.....i donno. I don't even know why i signed up and whether I'm going tomorrow a not. It's really not like playing soccer with daniel and gang.....i mean, afterall sometimes daniel will be lenient one mah...haiz..What the hell was I thinking..

Oh wellz, overall, life is STILL good! <3 muacks!

Oh, and sihui wrote me a really really really really funny postcard today! i think i shall write one back tmr. i have the BEST seniors in the whole wide world!!!! XP

[EDIT: 11:11PM] Bleach episode 132 must be the worst bleach episode so far. The new ending theme is the worst too. XS what a meaningless episode.

Labels: school

10:33 PM

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

The insanity of JC life.

I officially take back my words last term. If I thought that there were hectic periods last term, then this term must be insane. I just had a sudden realization of the extent of hectic-ness this week's schedule is.

Yesterday I had film society meeting. That, plus a bit of miscellaneous stuff like getting cameras from my locker for sisco, etc, ended around 6.45pm? And then I waited for CY till about 7.15pm? And reached home 8+pm. Some stuff happened last night, and I had absolutely no mood to do anything at all. So last night was wasted.

Today, I studied in school, read a bit, slept in the library for a while. Then I met up with sisco and evelyn and we proceeded to novena church to conduct our interview on sister mary. After the interview, I went to AMK Hub to run an errand for my sis...By the time I got back home, it's 9.30++pm. And I'm dead tired, nodding off and still attempting to digest my economics notes, check my email, etc, etc.
Not to mention I feel extremely guilty for forgetting to bring the zhongruan back to co store for the stocktaking.

Run-through this week's schedule/work plan...i've got...

Tomorrow ( Thursday) :
IHC soccer training. 3pm-4.30pm. Not that I'll be able to do much. XS
Finalize AIDS video interview speech/questions. And email it.

Friday:
IHC soccer.

Saturday:
Flyers Job (Entire day)
Catholic High Music Awards - 7.30pm till late

Sunday:
AIDS video interview - 1pm to 3pm

And you squeeze in the studying here and there, the obviously insufficient sleeping hours and viola! You got a super tired, frustrated and pissed off meiyi. It doesn't help that she has decided that she shall now really really put in double efforts in her studies, spurred by her extremely poor grades. Don't even come try to comfort her, coz when she meant poor grades, she meant really really really ATROCIOUS grades. Like 2 S grades. Plus a E grade for GP which is like the lowest in class. She's quite okay with her GP grade though, considering she has always been failing GP really really badly. She hopes that the two remaining subjects won't be as bad, especially since one of them is her favourite subject. She's quite pissed though that she was supposed to appeal for H3 but her CT didn't inform her. She'll clarify that bit with her CT tomorrow.

And it really really doesn't help that she's 17, has more problems than it seems physically on the surface, as her personality makes her think too much and emo more than it's good for her.
It doesn't help, that whenever she wants closer and better friends, it just doesn't work. It doesn't help that in RJ, there's only 3 people she can connect to, as in really connect to. It doesn't help that all of her best friends are outside RJ, and JC life is so terribly insane and she just doesn't see them enough to get all the support she needs.

It doesn't help that the people she cares about are not taking good care of themselves and she worries like mad. It doesn't help that she feels useless cause she can't help her friends. It doesn't help that she's being really affected because of how shitty life has been for these people she cares about. It doesn't help that she's becoming moody half the time these couple of days because of this. It doesn't help that despite all these, she needs to force or convince herself to be cheerful most of the time, partially so that work that needs to be done can be done. especially so that work will be done.

It REALLY doesn't help that she's so terribly tired today, having slept only 3+hours last night, but she knows she can't sleep yet or she'll run out of time tomorrow. That she really really wanna get good grades. CTs have woken her up. She's wide wide awake, albeit with sleepy eyes.

It helps that she has just decided that she may not blog this much everyday. without compromising her mental health, that is ranting on this blog has done pretty much in keeping her sanity.

Labels: rant, school

11:18 PM

THE PRINCESS

name; melissa chan meiyi
age; 18
bdae; 210490
location; singapore

hates; hypocrites, betrayers and traitors
loves;

more;
random;
Friends, my brother and sisters, and my computer.
I take birthdays very seriously.
I love roses.
I love the late night.
I love manga and anime.
I love my cats, (schro)dinger and newton.
I love concerts.

Me @ Twitter

THE KINGDOM

My DeviantART
My Livejournal (more private entries than public though, and much abandoned as of now.)

My Prayer Log (private)
bleach portal
08S05B class blog!
rjc film society blog!
promediaus (sean's team)
sj tribe
youthnet online
youthnet admin

abtzy
caiqiang
candy
chaoyang
chuntsen
eugene
germ
gekmin
hanyu
ian
janice
jasmine yam
jawed
jawed's tumblr
jingxuan
jinjun
kah hou
kaiqi
kawing
lijie
liyi
lorraine
mandy
mel law
prila
qiongye
royce
sammie
sean
sengteck
shan
shuyi
sianying
stacy
suen
sky
waihan
wang
wangting
weihao
weizhong
woonie
xiu
yewei
yiding
yining
zijian
zijian(ex-blog)
zhuoyi

The Stars They Say Official Website

DISCLAIMER: these are linked here so that there's no need for my minute brain to remember so many urls. lol

THE MEMORY

recent;
I really wish I can purge myself from this world a...
I don't know what I'm doing. And why my existence ...
I'm more than a lil bit tired of living. But I'm s...
Today was perfect. We were both happy. So why am I...
If I keep my distance. If I really gain enough dis...
It's all too late. In all probability, too late. I...
If I'm not here in this world, he won't be having ...
or maybe i just won't update. not sure if i'll giv...
Domain (again)
sticking with the low quality


past;
April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 November 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 August 2011 September 2011

labels;
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