Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I'm at british council right now, and there's tons of work to be done. Physics revision particularly. But I'm not in the mood. Tuesday evenings are always depressing. I can't say that I don't know the reason for it..because I do. But it is something that I cannot control. So I'll just have to deal with it.
I've never mentioned..But I really love the way the air current breeze through you when you are in a relatively empty train cabin, going through the tunnel. I like it so much, that I like it almost as much as the sea breeze. They are completely two different kinds of "breeze" with different "feels"..yet.
I love the way Toa Payoh station smells. Some never notice. Many do but don't particularly think of it. But I love it.
Sometimes, the torture of no contact is better than having any at all. A brief glance in the canteen, and your heart goes fluttering with joy for the next few hours. But only for those next few hours..For the next moment, your heart sinks for no known reason at all. And you start craving for the next magical moment. However brief. That slight contact is hardly anything to satisfy you..All it does, is to accelerate the next bout of pain you were going to have to endure. A rollarcoaster of heavenly joy and crippling pain, with no way to stop it.
Is all this pain worth it? Just like how Swensen's ice cream is enough to last for a couple of days I suppose.
I'm an emotive person I know. Yet, is all this necessary? Why on earth am I torturing myself like this? Does anyone know the way I can stop this?
If only he knows. One simple action of his, just once, would really really make my day. Just that one simple action. But if he knew, would he care enough to do it?
So what that it had been good for the past few days, that everything has been sweet.
It means nothing. He doesn't care. And I'm not going to make myself feel better by deluding myself.Two weeks of cheeriness, and today I'm reduced back to this. At least the moodiness isn't that bad. It's getting better. Maybe I'm learning to cope after all.
I'm a stubborn girl. And taurus has nothing to do with it. But it has been my fatal flaw. It eats away my creativity, my common sense, and most importantly of all, my soul. I would be so much happier if I were less stubborn.
Can I be blamed that I can't stop what I am feeling?
A fleeting glance of you meant so much to me, but nothing to you. I am a fool.Maybe I'll feel better once I get home. Maybe it's just the long day, and the longer day ahead. Maybe I'll just bury myself with a pile of work tonight. For I'm sure I won't be able to sleep. Not in this state anyway.
If all else fails, I'll just write. CQ..poetry? Maybe it'll be my turn to post one finally. haha. or if it turns out to private..I'll just email it and you can comment on it. lol. I only write when things happen to me afterall..
Being intense is not good. And not many have the idea exactly how intense I am.
Maybe I would be a burden to anyone after all.
I'll try to change.--------------------\\EDIT ADD ON
Anyway, what do you do when you think that your friend is actually very nice. One of the nicest people you know. Yet they are also the ones whereby quite a few people don't really like? Sometimes life is so unjustified. Some traits just takes more effort to discover in a person, and not everyone takes that effort to discover it. And as a result, so many nice people gets pass our "nice-people-radar"..all the potential great friends. So, people with the more identifiable "nice" traits become popular, and those with the less easily identified "nice" traits gets hidden away, even below the "commoners"?
Labels: life, school, thoughts, W
