Sunday, September 30, 2007
Here's an apology to everyone I've been moody and temperamental towards for the past two weeks (especially this week). Sorry that you guys gotta bear with my mood swings and everything. I should have known better. Must have been promos, that I forgot. And thus, forgot to try and control my emotions. But mystery solved.
I hate being a girl.
Apology goes especially to someone. More to that someone (who I've been unreasonable and demanding towards, and got angry at for no good reason at all) than anybody else. =S
can't possibly say sorry straight to you what. so...blog lorh. XS
But to everyone who suffered from my mood swings (insane highness, to utter depression), i more than gotten my punishment. I'm in tremendous suffering now. uck. =(
Labels: rant
2:22 PM
Link
And I thought I cannot live without my laptop. Even if I had the means (and the need) to do so, I wouldn't bother backing up my hard disk THREE times. lol.
Labels: random
2:40 AM
This cannot be more "interesting" than any other rant that I've posted...or rather, spam this blog with for the past two weeks. but..i declare that..
CHINA STUDIES SUCKS.
i have no motivation to study at all.
I tried. I tried to make plans for after promos, in an attempt to better motivate myself. But no, it's not working. Not really working anyway. Just makes life after promos seem brighter. lol.
I believe I wrote my plans down before somewhere in the previous entries. But some new ones include...
- Start reading Neil Gaiman and Terry Prachet.
- Restart Pangya and Maple.
- Learn programming (first language not decided yet).
Actually, I doubt I have the time and energy to do EVERYTHING I said I wanna do, (there's instruments lessons, anime, manga, adobe photoshop, blah blah blah.), but I shall rank them after promos and TRY to do everything. lol. i'm so ambitious i know. XP
but now...BACK to china studies. ugh. =(
right now, giving up and just accepting a U grade doesn't sound too bad..
Labels: rant
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Okay. All the emo-ing the entire day is stupid. Makes me look foolish. Ahhhhh...ugh.
I think talking to logical friends help. But then, almost anyone is more logical than me. hahahahaha. Seriously, it's great to have friends. XP
YAY!!! Once again, Mark saves the day. LOL.
So, yep, I'm out of my emo-ness. I shall try NOT to fail my china studies (though there's not much chance in that. even lower probability of passing china studies than physics and math combined.) and be high!!!
Anyway, a few days ago, CQ commented that when I'm happy, I go super high. So people don't notice me when I'm quiet and "normal". The only impression I give some people is some crazy girl who's smiling all the time.
Those who get to observe me a bit more (like for example, my classmates) realize that I emo quite a bit, but most don't think much about it anyway.
So some people see the high me most of the time, and others the low me most of the time. Which resulted in my pretty split reputation in school. Kinda funny actually. The "Super Emo Meiyi" and the "Super High Meiyi". the super sharp contrast between the two reputations. LOL.
A couple of days ago, my mum and I discussed about how the "drama-tising" trait runs in the family.
And just yesterday, Sean commented on how "drama" I get too.
LOL.
oh well.
I SHALL WATCH MOVIE ON MONDAY AFTER CHINA STUDIES PAPER, BEFORE I GO OVER TO CLASS CHALET. it's just a matter of with whom. lol.
Yay. Life is good generally, most of the time. You just gotta look at it in the right light.
Labels: random, thoughts
9:51 PM
Maybe it's partially stress related. But I'm so easily depressed recently. Right now, I'm feeling disappointed with myself. In fact, I get the feeling that I dislike myself again. It's like...I despise myself. Got over that, but it came back again. I can't say that there weren't events triggering this, but..I don't know.
I hate that I rely on people so much. I hate that physically, I have the ability to survive alone. I can make sound judgement on my own often enough, I'm quite independent in managing my stuff..i can make decisions...but emotionally, I'm a wreck on my own. I need to be around people constantly. i need people i can trust, people i can tell. i need people to understand me. That's...pathetic.
I hate myself for that.
i hate it even more that i'm wishing that someone could understand me more. The act of expecting..or wanting someone, a particular person, to understand you makes me all the more despicable. it's stupid. it's inviting disappointment, coz you will never be completely satisfied, not on this earthly level. it's pathetic. I'm a pathetic fool.
And I bet by now, I lost everyone. Nobody knows what I'm talking about anymore.
The emotional rollarcoaster is back, and this blog is..starting to showcase everything I despise myself for. So the next time I blog, it shall be on non-negative stuff. I promise myself. This might mean a period of hiatus..might..it might not. depends on how well i can control myself.
Labels: thoughts
Friday, September 28, 2007
Link
This is really really really cute! It's sold out already though, so can't even dream of buying it. haha.
Labels: random, shopping
11:00 PM
Technically, I know about this yesterday..But it's never too late to share the good news....
Walkinwardrobe.com is having a stall at the bazaar at
singapore river this weekend!! X)
Finally you get a chance to see the dresses upclose and touch them. Not just stupid photos.
BUT. bad news. I've got promos on Monday. So....argh. Don't know. See first. See how much I can mug this two days. Then maybe sunday afternoon/evening go take a look.
Really craving for movies right now. But it just isn't meant to be. Nobody wanna watch.
I'm actually a little angry with someone for not wanting to watch. But then I know that's unreasonable.
Sometimes, even I find myself over-demanding. That's why I keep feeling bad for my friends..and grateful.
anyway, some randomness, i found someone kinda cute without specs today. haha. if you read this now, and realise that i'm talking about you, now's your chance to blush. haha. X)
[EDIT: 11.19PM] I've decided. I shall anime marathon after promos. and actually watch what i want to watch all these while but never got around to doing. which includes...12 Kingdoms, Gundam Seed, Gundam Seed Destiny, Full Metal Alchemist, among many others. Yesh.
And maybe I'll maple and pangya again after promos too! which is approximately 2 days and 16 hours away...that is 64 hours away....HAIX.
Labels: life, random, shopping
10:21 PM
The irony. When I feel like taking a break from studies, I come to this page (the create post page) and find myself not feeling like blogging. Next and last paper, china studies - monday afternoon 1pm. children's day. wow. sheer irony.
i feel tired. shall try get my system more or less back to my idea of normal (i don't say normal coz to some people, it's not normal). i shall now try to sleep. good night.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Okay, it's confirmed. I'm destroying myself. First the face breakouts, then the headaches, then the aches, and now even my stomach's giving me problems. And despite having drunk coffee with prevented me from taking proper naps, I'm now drinking tea to soothe my stomach. More caffeine. Haix.
what promos can do to you...
I shall sleep earlier today. It's a promise I make to myself.
Labels: rant
10:43 PM
Haven't been looking at my surroundings in a long time, but today as I was walking home from the MRT, I admired the sky. Once again I marvel at how beautiful the world is, what a miracle that it was created. Simple, but pretty. Rays coming from behind the clouds, the clouds overlapping each other in layers. Simple, yet complex at the same time. It's times like this that I love life.
I wondered too, the reason why I find the most spectacular views upwards. Perhaps, it takes more effort to catch a glimpse, and thus its greater value? It's difficult to walk on the road with head leaning back for long periods of time after all...
Maybe it's simply because of my lack of sleep, yet inability to sleep due to coffee. (I slept at 4am this morning, slogging through physics.) But I feel zen. At peace. I remember how I used to look at the leaves of the trees while walking under them for hours. Observe how the sunlight filters through them, and enjoy the beauty. What happens since (and it's not the first time) is that life gets so complicated, hectic, and I forget all about it again. Once in a while, I take a breather..The joy of rediscovering beauty is indescribable.
Sometimes I wonder if I think too much into things. How millions of thoughts run through my head all the time. How I need to talk to myself so that the thoughts don't overwhelm my mind. (Although that I have learnt to curb myself very much. Most thinks I'm nuts when I used to talk to myself that much.) Although girls do think more in comparison, sometimes, I wonder if I think even more than what the other girls do. Or maybe...perhaps...it's just that I'm more expressive. I don't think significantly more than the others, just express it more.
This post probably should have gone under my private livejournal blog. How long has it been since I last posted something so close to my heart on this blog? I stopped posting stuff like this, I think, when Naichien commented how I blog everything, sensitive or not, on my blog. I think consciously, and sub-consciously, I restricted myself a lot since then. Partially too, that I recognized...accepted the fact that the probability of finding a soulmate who understands you 100% is quite slim. Very slim in fact. That sometimes, keeping your identity to yourself can be the best way, no matter how lonely. Why give yourself false hope that someday, no matter how romantic this may sound, that your soulmate would chance across your entries and sing with your heart?
Perhaps part of this entire episode can be traced back to sibling relations...I thought my sister was my soulmate, then I realized I couldn't be more wrong. But that's another story all together.
--------------------------------------------
On a sidenote, I totally screwed up my physics today. Was pretty depressed initially, but now I've brightened up. And then got Mark and Kah Hou to help me with math. *GAsp. I needed help for almost every single step.* I'll probably screw up math tomorrow too...but I shall worry about that tomorrow. For now, I shall eat dinner. And then study. XS
And probably I won't blog posts like this here very often. So for those who thinks that this blog is gonna turn back into the emo blog it once was, don't worry lah, it won't. XP
Labels: thoughts
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Alright. I can feel my panic attack fading. And I'm surfing facebook. Taking a break from physics.
Nah...must be the loss of will to fight.
Oh well, I'll just do my best tonight...and see how lah. HAIZ.
11:45 PM
I'm studying alright. My engine got restarted.
But I think I lost the will to fight.
Haix.
Labels: rant
9:58 PM
Shoots. I seem to have lost the motivation to study. I can't get myself to touch physics.
I completely screwed up the economics paper I think. Although I think I'll pass for sure. But the one subject that I have a slightly higher chance at getting a decent grade, I screwed it. Especially the case study. Essay questions that came out turned out to be super easy, but I just have to waste them by answer only 3 part questions out of the 4. I wrote like 4 lines for the last part question before time ran out.
Meiyi is screwed.
And now she's so sick of studying she can't get herself to pick up her work.
Hopefully it gets better later on in the night. She studies better at night anyway. Thing is, she cannot afford not to study. Not when physics is one of her weakest subjects. Not when she is far from being ready for the stupid promos tomorrow.
Labels: rant, school
Monday, September 24, 2007
Okay. I'm losing it with Econs. So I shall take a breather and BLOG. gosh. I completely didn't surf tonight. But then again, Econs is not boring. And I slept too much earlier on to slack on it now.
Anyway, so highlights of the day.
GP PaperWhich I felt was quite alright..Essay was okay..Although more than 70% of the time, when I say it's 'okay' it usually turns out not okay. oh wells. Paper 2 was okay too...I had things to write for AQ for once~! but...it might easily have been crap. sigh.
Was almost late for the paper lah! lucky i made it. I had to put my bag in some fire hose place during the first paper though. haha.
MRT Ride HomeI met Osburg! LOL. so long never see him le. yep, ossy. He's in NYJC now. hmm. Now I feel guilty about not wanting to organise another class reunion end of this year. But if I organise, who would want to come? Except for maybe...daniel, sammie, cq...maybe jg? i donno..I mean, we are all in JCs and Polys already lorh. Would anyone still bother to attend primary school reunions? From past experiences, I'm like the only sentimental one...XS
My MEMORABLE Afternoon NapOkay. After I reached home, I washed Joanne's cage, changed her bedding..and went to take a nap. TILL 9PM. I'm sure. And now I seriously cannot finish my econs revision and I'm blogging here. I AM SIAO.
diediediediediediediediedie.
[EDIT:11.42PM] nevertheless, i think i shall limit my sacrifice of sleep. by 1am. yesh.
Labels: life, school
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Link
Kinkit showed me this site!! pretty cool. The photo of Mars that I posted the other day is there too i think...
Read the previous post:
Pretty Photo
3:08 PM
I feel like giving up on promos. My behavior makes me look like I gave up too. I don't know. Shoots. Actually I still feel kinda depressed. Is it coz of the cooping up at home?
I want to talk to someone. But I can't coz I promised not to talk to that someone. during this period anyway. argh.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid.
Promos promos promos promos.
ahh ahhh ahhh ahhh.
Ranting used to help. But ranting so much these couple of days, it's starting to lose it's effect.
I feel like bursting.
On a side(and totally random and irrelevant)note, sometimes maybe i speak (or type) without thinking. and send wrong signals. or i scare them off. because i simply say what's on my mind. what is wrong with me man.
oh. and my sister just did an experiment on me. she concluded that i'm very easy to tackle. because I lack awareness of my surroundings.
NO. I shall continue to mug. Shall not give up.
P.S. I think I shall give next year's (or rather this year end's) new year party (nah, more like gathering) a theme. Uniforms! But...do I invite the ADP people, or the Raffles people....if you guys don't mind me inviting my sch people, tell me k? or maybe i'll hold 2 parties instead. one Christmas and one new year. ahhh..ok, shall not think about it. decide after promos bah.
I WANT TO PLAY MAHJONG!
Labels: random, rant
2:25 PM
MEIYI IS VERY VERY VERY PISSED WITH HER INTERNET RIGHT NOW. IT IS DC-ING EVERY 2 MINUTES OR SO. AND MEIYI FEELS VERY HELPLESS BECAUSE INTERNET IS HER SOUL AND SHE CANNOT SLEEP WITHOUT GETTING ENOUGH DOSAGE OF THAT SOUL AND THE INTERNET IS NOT BEING VERY COOPERATIVE AND SHE JUST FEELS LIKE SCREAMING BUT IT IS DEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SO SHE SHALL JUST BANG HER HEAD ON THE TABLE. BUT VIBRATIONS ON THE TABLE MIGHT SPOIL HER LAPTOP BECAUSE SHE IS PLANNING TO BANG IT WITH SUCH FORCE THAT THE ENTIRE TABLE WILL SHAKE. SO SHE THOUGHT BETTER OF IT AND CAME HERE TO RANT.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.............AND I BET IT'LL DISCONNECT AGAIN BEFORE I POST THIS.
Labels: rant
2:33 AM
Link
I said I shopped for clothes too much.
Well, now I WANT THIS.
lol. alright. I don't think I'll ever have anything substantial enough to podcast about. My voice isn't nice anyway. BUT recording doesn't have to equate to podcast...I can think up something fun to do with it. It's just that I've always fancied having better audio recording capability...XP
Labels: random, shopping
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Shoots. Mugging is not going as well as it should be. Sigh. I even tried moving away from the com to mug, but it didn't work. I end up wanting to sleep (without com to constantly keep me awake). So I napped....for 3 hours without intending it to be such a long nap. XS
Anyway! I have surfed/shopped/blogged so much in the past few days! Usually people stop blogging during exam periods. For me, it's an inverse relationship instead. I blog/surf/shop more during exam periods. The activities become necessary (to counter balance the monotony of mugging =S). Sigh.
NICE DRESS! this time from walk-in wardrobe. I wonder if I'd look nice in it? Or would I look fat in it? It's a bit of empire cut afterall...And brown..Do I look good in brown?
gosh. i'm blogging so much about clothes these days =S *so girl! XP*
maybe i'll shop non-clothing tmr onwards!
argh.......i give up. Econs is sure pass. GP most probably. So I just need one more H2 pass. Yesh. that's one of the three subjects....i'm betting on physics i think. or maybe math. sigh.
[EDIT: 11.44PM] I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. INTERNET ISH VERY IRRITATING TODAY!!!!!!!!!! ARGH..... =(
Labels: rant, shopping
11:10 PM
Link
Bad time to get addicted to something....but I'm officially addicted to Sinfest!!!
Link goes to one of its archives. To demo exactly how cute it is.
er...more innocent people like stacy and shuyi should look at something like this instead:
linkKAWAII!!!!!!!!!! <3
actually, i suppose, partial reason for the addiction is coz of the artwork too...heh...i like it =)
[EDIT: 4.23PM]
Slick + Monique = Funny + Amusing
Dog + Cat = CUTE! (to prove my point, here's another one:
http://sinfest.net/comikaze/comics/2000-05-12.gif)
Labels: random
1:44 PM
Link
You're a cowboy, and get involved in a three way pistol duel with two other cowboys. You are a poor shot, with an accuracy of only 33%. The other two cowboys shoot with accuracies of 50% and 100%, respectively. The rules of the duel are one shot per cowboy per round. The shooting order is from worst shooter to best shooter, so you get to shoot first, the 50% guy goes second, and the 100% guy goes third, then repeat. If a cowboy is shot he's out for good, and his turn is skipped. Where or who should you shoot first?
Cool solution. You miss on your first turn by aiming the ground. That's assuming you are allowed to shoot at the ground. Else, you shoot the 100% one. Which is actually common sense I suppose.
Fully worked out solutions here:
linkhow do you study last minute for gp anyway? or maybe i should just heck gp and focus on physics. or math.
Labels: random
12:31 PM
My downfall - When I'm in one of those moods and reveal too much of myself behind the illusion of safety of the net. Even unfavorable human reaction feels considerably milder over the net. I find myself in this situation tonight. but luckily, I realised it in time. and i curbed myself. yesh. accomplishment! don wanna repeat the mistakes that i committed so many times before.
it reminds me of what sherry told me before...some time in the beginning of the year..something about me letting go and allowing people into my heart.
ironically, shortly after i was hurt again. diao.
ANYWAY, I HAD CHOCOLATE ICE-CREAM TODAY!
randomness.
speaking of food...i lose weight during exam periods. true.
but even mum's noticing my food intake. and when even mum notices it.....i must have been eating A LOT. =S oh dear...
oh well, i'll just worry abt it aft promos. lol.
Labels: life, random
Friday, September 21, 2007
maybe it's just me. but xkcd's comics on romance and love feels a lot sweeter than any other cliche love stories (and or comics).
-------------------------------------------
I wish the MEP people good luck for today's practical! =)
Labels: random
2:43 PM
poor meiyi ran out of snacks to munch on at home while mugging.
so she's reduced to munching sour plums. XS
poor poor meiyi.
disclaimer: exam periods are the only times when meiyi can get away with eating anything at any amount without getting FAT. and it helps with her concentration too. X)
Labels: random, rant
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I think I'm following shuyi's bad habit of blogging snippets here and there when there are actually (really really urgent) stuff at hand to do (which in my case is mugging). Only in my case it's worse coz i coupled blogging with surfing the net. =S
Not really unproductive...since it actually stopped me from going to sleep excessively. But not exactly productive either. haiz.
i did managed to read a bit of cse on top of doing physics...
shoots. which is seriously not enough.
Anyway, there's a shirt i really really really wanted from HDP!!! but it's out of stock. And I can't exactly kope the picture i suppose, so i took a screenshot of the site. like it made a lot of difference. i bet i'm still infringing on some copyright law. but heck.
Not that I have the money to buy it, even if it is in stock. Busted everything on john little sale and still owing people money. let's see....there's pw fund, stacy, and sammie. oh, and just checked my email, apparently, physics fund requires another round of collection. oh no.......
a shopaholic is a shopaholic everywhere, anytime. and especially when she's piled with things she doesn't wanna do (eg. mugging). So what does she do? She surfs the net, which is in fact 30% shopping. and it just so happened that today's theme for shopping is tshirts. which i already have more than enough (i need more bottoms). but nvm, not like i have the ability to buy any. hmm..
http://www.onezumistudios.com/home.phpOkay..so maybe the design's a bit wrong. But it's kawaii!!!! now another one from onezumi! =)
it's so weird that i don't read webcomics regularly, yet everything that caught my attention today are from stores of webcomics sites. hmm..
gosh......i'm being so girl today. i blogged an entire entry on shopping! LOL. XP
[EDIT: 10.40PM] ahhhh....LAST SHIRT! SUPER COOL! not sure if i'm daring enough to actually wear it though. haha. but super cute!! glow-in-the-dark! X)
note: there's actually a women's babydoll version further down. so nope, this is not a strictly men's shirt. but then again, so what if it was? all guys shirts are uni-sex! =))
Labels: random, shopping
10:09 PM
http://xkcd.com/302/Something that says exactly how i feel all too often. (minus the marriage part, lol)
and as a side note, i thought this is rather sweet. a bit inappropriate to post on the blog though. XS
http://xkcd.com/289/Labels: random
6:50 PM
so in the end, i went back to physics, coz
- i tried to start on math, but failed in willing myself to start.
- my foundation in physics still isn't all that great anyway.
Anyway, surfed the net, here and there between physics question. And found a really really nice picture! hmm...i wonder where is this? lol. X)
Isn't this pweeetttyy? =) <3
space can be so wonderful..
p.s. i really should start on econs though. even if it's my best subject (not much better), but i shouldn't get complacent. hmm..
Labels: random
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Torture when you really really wanna speak with someone but you can't.
rawr.
alright. maybe it's not unbearable. but it's still trying.
i suppose it's for my own good too anyway.
I AM REALLY REALLY SICK OF STUDYING!!!! =(
can promos end soon....? (common wish shared by me and cq.)
Labels: random, rant
11:32 PM
YESH. I finished my first round of physics. finally.
although i'm kinda feeling a bit guilty right now coz i slacked a couple of hours. despite waking up ultra late today. =S
mug tonight bah.. i'm nocturnal anyway.
but first, go popular get some stationeries first...
TO EVERYONE: JIAYOU MUGGING! X)
i think my entries are gonna be either non-existent or damn short from now on. or i can learn from waihan and just post photos all the way. =PLabels: random
8:31 PM
Ok. I know I am supposed to blog. and I wanted to blog. but i'm so dazed after physics spa that I just wanna slack. including blogging. so what i wanted to blog about shall all accumulate till i have the mood (and time) to type long entries.
physics spa went quite alright btw. phew.
and today was a good day! a few good stuff happened. ok, not good good stuff, but still considered good. or maybe i'm just in a thankful mood today. =)
Labels: random, school
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
i have like A LOT to blog about. but then all must wait till tomorrow, coz i really need to sleep early for physics spa tomorrow. sigh. WHY HC GET TO TAKE SPA AFTER PROMOS???? nvm.
anyway, today was good. was insanely high the entire day for no particular reason. but now damn tired. =S shall sleep.
as a reminder to myself about what i want to blog so that i can blog tomorrow. i want to blog about the comments in Today that Odex should go after fansub sites instead of downloaders. haha.
YAY! ATE SUSHIMI TODAY! YUMMY! salmon is nice. yesh. lol.
<3 sushimi!
shall pester mum to buy more!!!!!! muahaahahahahahahahaha
Labels: random
Monday, September 17, 2007
Okay. So I didn' manage to finish physics. STILL, I completed quite a lot. I feel quite proud of myself.
And I feel like I owe a lot of people. haha.
Like, for example, how I haven't been much of a good friend on MULTIPLE occasions to shuyi and cq. =S
SORRY!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS.
and er..ok. admittedly, even though now I can finally mug properly, I still need motivation to mug. So...Let's daydream about what I shall do after promos! X)
- ADOBE PHOTOSHOP FRENZY!!! which means I need to get the software. a version that actually WORKS. stupid vista. though I must admit I'm getting addicted to vista. LOL.
- SLEEPOVERS FRENZY!! chalets...stayovers...maybe even go camp a bit! woot!
- MOVIE MARATHONS!
- READING FRENZY!
- SHOPPING FRENZY!
- LEARN ROLLERBLADING! (or rather..practise.)
- LEARN PIANO/GUITAR/DRUMS with many many teachers! XP
- DDR! however much i suck at it. haha
- GO TAIWAN? ok, that's daniel's idea. see first lah.
yesh. shall mug.
had this great idea for an avatar....but...argh! I cannot live without photoshop. sigh.
Labels: random
Sunday, September 16, 2007
ok. i don feel awful anymore. i have come to my senses.
and yes. I AM GONNA FINISH PHYSICS BY TONIGHT.
thanks you-know-who for talking to me. ^^
6:12 PM
I am going to finish mugging a round of physics by the time i go to sleep tonight. that's a promise.
I'm not gonna care anymore. I'm too tired of caring. Time and time again, whenever I start caring, things start going downslope. Time and time again, I tell myself my heart died, and when it gets revived again, it is only to prepare it for another round of assault, only so that it can die again. and again. and again.
foolish meiyi, how foolish.
i'm just gonna mug. however difficult it's gonna be, i'm gonna do it. i'm not gonna disappoint my friends nor make my name by being the first female in rjc to get retained. i'm gonna mug.
and i don't care whether i'm pmsing or not. if i am, then it must be really really bad timing.
how cruel you are being to me.
Labels: C
Saturday, September 15, 2007
I'm not as noble as I think afterall. I ended up unloading anyway.
i'm sure that you really never come online for two whole days. or maybe you are just avoiding me. even if it hurts me, make it clear to me. you being ambiguous is even more torturous for me.Life's miserable right now. My relationships are falling apart, my studying is going off-track (and I can't seem to concentrate), and I'm screwing up everything I'm supposed to do (including PW).
maybe i'm pmsing. (i just realise that 'p' can stand for both pre and post.)
I miss you. I miss you more than you could ever imagine. But you don't care, do you? i know i'm just being drama. maybe i'm really pmsing. i bet you don't even check my blog anymore since you don't care. you have no idea how miserable i am, simply because you are being cold to me. you have no idea how everything else in my world is falling apart right now. i never knew it could hurt so much till today. i never thought i cared so much. it's either i went through a drastic change, or it has always been that way just that i didn't realise. but it doesn't matter. i'm still miserable anyway.
Labels: C, rant
Friday, September 14, 2007
Met new people today..Was going to the canteen and saw Zhangying sitting there doodling on a piece of foolscap with her classmates. Gabriel (the new person I got to know today) was her pencil/pen/foolscap supplier. And supposedly, the entire bag of pens/pencils were collected from the floor around the school. LOL.
I was feeling kinda angry/emo/upset. And I needed something to vent on. So I joined in and made this masterpiece. Brought it home to take a photo of it, but now I have misplaced it. (if only i have a good camera phone..sigh.) Oh dear..Well, anyway, basically it's nothing but twiggles and curls and shading all over the place till the white spaces of the paper take up less than 5%. But it's beautiful. =)
it's funny how zhangying and gabriel launch into nonsensical debate on childishness. haha. my mood kinda got better by a teeny bit while I was with them. haha.
OH. and gabriel knows hongyi. wow. X)
I felt neglected. Like I don't mean anything to him. I rank below his friends. That my messages can be daoed because he feels like he wants to be purely in the company of his friends. And I don't even deserve getting informed that he wants space. I wouldn't have mind if he had actually told me.
When finally, my heart is with him, I feel like I'm being trashed. Maybe it's just me making a big fuss over nothing. Yet I can't even express my feelings regarding this coz he's being so tired these days and I just didn't want to make trouble for him. What the hell. Now I'm angry, upset, disappointed AND considerate. OH GREAT.Labels: C, rant, school
7:40 PM
Gone blog surfing a bit (though this time round only restricted to friends and not strangers)...because I was totally unproductive. And I realise we are really sad creatures. =S
BUT GANBATTE EVERYONE FOR PROMOS.
and i really really love
zijian's blog. can't believe i haven't been there for so long..
There are people I miss talking to..people I'm feeling for (because I see just how much they are struggling/feeling stressed)..and generally, I love people. So I shall pray for them.
ok, this part is redundant. I don't know why i blogged that. haha. must be the late night. shall sleep! since i'm being so ultra unproductive anyway. XS
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Link
I admire the RI teacher's courage really. As I blog this, I already know what the reaction of some of my friends, acquaintance and groups I belong to will be. But nevertheless, I shall say that I support him.
I've always been a friend of the homosexuals. Not because I am one, but because I feel for them. And I don't think they deserve being treated the way they are now. We should talk about homosexuality more openly, because perhaps then, our fellow friends who belong to this special group will find the support and encouragement which they desperately need.
And no, contrary to what most thinks, I don't think homosexuality is against my religion. That is settled in my mind. So to all who reads this, don't come and try to change my mind.
I'm seventeen this year. And in the seventeen years of my life, I have made quite a few friends who are homosexuals. I probably have more homosexual friends than most people. And these people also happen to be great people with great personalities, not at all fitting the common stereotypes we have of homosexuals. They are pretty much "normal" people, only with a different sexual orientation. (That is, how we define what normal is.) Most important of all, they make great friends.
There is no need for hatred for them, much less fear. I agree that perhaps, a small proportion of the homosexuals may be "a pedophile, a child molester, a pervert or sexual deviant"..but that has nothing to do with their sexual orientation. "Normal" people would have as likely a chance to be one, or even all of the above. Unnecessary fear towards this group of people only deprives you of opportunities to meet and get to know great people, who can well be life long friends.
For those who fear, disapproves or even hate homosexuals, think it through. What exactly do you know of them? Not stereotypes, but actually
know. If the answer is no, then be ashamed of yourself for your anti-feelings. For most, the answer would be a no. If the answer is yes, then...I really have nothing to say. I suppose I can't possibly change your mind easily. All I can say to you is are you really sure of what you know. That what you know is not part of the influence around you but really first hand experience.
shoots. I'm starting to rant.
I know I'm gonna get into hell lots of trouble for blogging this post. friends might even leave me. groups may or may not ostracise me. but i never tried to hide my views on this topic. they need as much support as they can get right now. and I'm gonna give that.
it's just that i have met really really great people. they may even be hell lots better in personality, brains and everything else then what we consider "normal" people. they don't deserve the discrimination, i tell you.
Singapore, let's move on. -- strive towards being a gracious, open society.Labels: thoughts
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I noticed a trend. A really bad trend too. I tend to start fooling around with facebook more as it gets nearer to exam periods. Meaning, the more I mug, the more I go on facebook. First joined it during the June Hols while I was mugging for CTs, and then I didn't really bother with it after CTs. Now that I'm mugging for promos, I find myself going back to it. Hmm...like the more I study, the more I need to get distracted. haha. I suppose, psychologically, I want excuses to leave my work more often bah..since I'm mugging more now. Hmm..
Anyway, Stephanie posted this on friendster, and i thought I'd just post something random on the blog today. copying wholesale. XP
When you catch a girl glancing at you,
she wants you to look back and smile
When a girl bumps into your arm while
walking with you,
she wants you to hold her hand
When she wants a hug,
she will just stand there n wait
When u break a girls heart,
she still feels it even when you see
each other 3 years later
When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through
her mind
When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply of you
When a girl looks at you with eyes
full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be
around
When a girl answers, "I'm fine." after
a few seconds,
she is not at all fine
When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are playing
games
When a girl lays her head on your
chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers
forever
When a girl says she can't live
without you,
she has made up her mind that you are
her future
When a girl says, "I miss you."
no one in this world can miss you more
than that
When a girl is mean to you after a
break-up,
she wants you back, but shes scared
she'll get hurt and knows you're gone
forever
Guy Facts:
When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you
When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...
When a guy is not arguing,
He realize he's wrong
When a guy says, "I'm fine." after a
few minutes,
he means it
When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him and
wonders if you do
When your laying your head on a guy's
chest,
he has the world
When a guy calls/texts/comments you
everyday,
he is in love with you
When a (good)guy tells you he loves
you,
he means it
When a guy says he can't live without
you,
he's with you till you're done
When a guy says, "I miss you."
he misses you more than you could have
ever missed him or anything else
repost this in 10 minutes and your true
love will call you
someone was in your mind as you read
this??
Post this as
IF YOUR A GIRL "When a guy misses
you..."
AND
IF YOUR A GUY POST IT AS "When a girl
misses you..."Okay...I don't know about the guys part. But I suppose the girls part is pretty accurate? =P
---------------------------------
Used iTunes tonight. Still find it weird and difficult to use. But influence by friends cannot be underestimated. A grand total of 5 friends urged me to use itunes within the past few days! Oh well...at least I found out that some stuff which i thought itunes wasn't compatible with, it turned out i was wrong. Haha.
Labels: random
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Sian with maths in macs using a laptop. Guess its operating system.
Labels: random
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Look at the timestamp. 5.34AM. I woke up because of a dream. And because it's so rare that I get woken up by a dream (which was not a nightmare), and even rarer that I remember the dream in so much details that I just gotta get up and blog about it.
-------------------------
It started out with a huge photocopier machine. A bit longer than my height in length and a bit below my waist level in height. And I was some staff in some chinese newspaper agency. Then I was supposed to photocopy something..into a very huge number of copies. The photocopier was very special. You know the glass where there's scanner below. You just got to place the original copy on top, and new copies will come out and slide onto the glass next to the original copy. IN a neat stack. Not physically possible in reality, but it happened in the dream. Then there was this coworker who's some kind of competitor, who keeps trying to snatch photocopying time away from me. Then the boss behaves in a super weird manner, and insists that all employees must subscribe to the newspaper.
And later on, 3 of my coworkers of my group came to talk to me. Somehow, the scene changed without us even walking to the lounge and a place similar to the mini canteen appeared, and we were at a silver table. And the newspaper was there along with cups of tea and coffee. I expected to see lian he zao bao but on it was some weird never heard before name of a newspaper..can't remember now..something zao bao. and the colour scheme was blue. like blue bars that kinda thing. The leader of the group asked me whether i was rookie..i replied yea. And then she mentioned something about newspapers locked up in one of the toilets and she'll bring one to me secretly. And another coworker mention that no, the newspapers changed location, it's in another toilet now. then something about her finding out the location change coz she tried going home...and just stop there, and then they giggled.
And the scene changed again suddenly, and i'm back home. although the scene didn't look like my home at all...more like my previous home, though i'm not very sure whether it's exactly my previous home. And I knew I was an working adult. Not a kid.
Anyway, when i got back, i couldn't find my mother. went into all the rooms and couldn't find her. Then I found my dad. And he mentioned something about he couldn't find her and looked very worried. And then he fell asleep.
Then I went into a room that strangely I've never been into before and there I saw a barb wired figure which looks similar to what we did back in rg for art. i saw the figure sleeping on the bed and I knew it was my mum (and somehow i knew she was sick and that's why she's sleeping), and beside her was my dad in specs, yet i thought of him as my grandpa. yet i didn't feel any surprise or anything, just felt relieved that i found my mum.
then my grandpa (who's in the image of my dad) asked where's dad. And I replied sleeping. He asked me to wake dad up and so I went back to dad's room and tried waking him up. I said I found mum and expected him to be very happy. But he didn't wake up like he never heard me. So I went back and told my 'grandpa' that he won't wake up.
'Grandpa' got angry and told me to try again and that he wants to speak with dad. So I went back and try again, and still dad didn't stir. Then I realised I've been thinking the words inside and haven't actually opened my mouth. I shook him awake and told him again. He looked at me bewildered and I even used hand gestures to show that i'm shouting. And he was like speak up. And I was like I am! Then he was like you are not, or else I'm deaf. Then I realised another time round I haven't actually made a sound. Just gaping. I was thinking of the words inside me again.
Then mum came in...only this time back in the human form. Dad looked pissed that I ruined his relationship with grandpa. And mum reassured him.....then i woke up.
-----------------------------
Strange strange dream. First time ever I dreamt of my parents too...in such a weird setting. Hmm..alright. Too late to go back to sleep...haha. Encounter camp!
Labels: dream, life, random
5:34 AM
=)))
^-^
=)))
i think life is sweet sometimes.------------------------
anyway, went into a few blogs which i've never visited before (but i know the people) and found them rather interesting. esp kah hou's blog. haha. total nonsense. almost on par with zijian's, only on another plane.
encounter (day) camp tomorrow. yes. i shall not be late.
shall sleep early. yes.
I'm gonna buy someone a newbie shirt next year for birthday. muahahahahaha XPor maybe not the main line, just a newbielogy or newbielicious shirt so that it's not that bad..won't die from suaning. lol.Labels: random
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
i made one of the best friends i've ever had angry today, by being sotong. and i don't know how to make it right again. stupid meiyi. meiyi is an idiot.
-------------------------
i think i'm actually getting to know myself (and maybe what i want) better recently.-------------------------
Xu Lao Shi treated the J1 copera girls to lunch today! Originally at swensens..but then swensens had a "technical breakdown" (exact words of the waitress) so they moved to pizza hut. I was grounded by mum till i tidy up my room..so i arrived one hour late >.<
Tried Aloha Pizza for the first time today...it was actually quite nice! =) so now when i go pizza hut, i shall have two choices..hawaiian and aloha! X)
Went mark's hse for bbq afterwards...quite fun. So long never play badminton and golf le! Mark's sister is called melissa too, so i ended up responding quite a few times when melissa's friend, jiahe was calling her. haha. got used to it really soon thou. oh yea, i got mistaken for the maid. lol =P
right now they're at aaron's hse sleeping over bah...haiz. so jealous. oh well. i'll hold a sleepover after promos! or maybe chalet! if i manage to get the money. XP i love sleepovers/chalets. or maybe can just pitch a tent somewhere. lol.
on a not so bright note, didn't study at all for today. XS ahhh...shall study doubly hard tomorrow.
I LOVE THE DENIM SKIRT AND THE CHAIN BELT I BOUGHT AT JOHN LITTLE EXPO SALE YESTERDAY. i shall post a photo of the stuff i bought yesterday...when i got the time and mood. X)
Labels: holidays, life
Monday, September 03, 2007
I'm totally addicted to The Impossible Quiz. haha. stopped somewhere near lvl 72 right now. it's good destressing/relaxing material! good for in between mugging! XP
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/365143Nonsensical logic! LOL.
whole day pw meeting tomorrow. kinda dreading it actually. XS
i think i slacked a lot.
Labels: random
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Today felt really really really weird. Like something’s missing.
If I kissed you..Labels: C
9:17 PM
Two out of the million things running through my mind settled and half-settled. Feeling sad but relieved I suppose. Maybe I'm what chun said..emotionally tired. Irrationality seemed rampant. Confusion too. But I'll make sense of everything soon I hope.
I think I've come a long way since entering JC. JC's an eye-opener. Really. But I don't refer to just the events that happened to me so far..but the people too. I never thought I'd be able to trust people like that, not in Raffles anyway. Pretty much gave up hope on that back in RG. I'm glad I stayed on to go JC rather then going off to Poly like I wanted to.
The song "If I Kissed You" by Corrine May's been stuck in my head for DAYS now. Doesn't help that I keep listening to it either. But it's simply soooo nice. hmm. lol.
To end my day..A couple of quizzes! First time in a long while I have one not taken from any of my friends' blogs.
| You scored as Hershey Bar, You are a Hershey Bar. You are smooth, original and somewhat old-fashioned. You like to socialize and have the same close childhood friends. Family is very important to you. You are a nice and kind person - the best of the best!
Hershey Bar | | 100% | Reese's Peanut Butter Cup | | 85% | 3 Musketeers | | 80% | Skittles/Gummi Bears | | 75% | KitKat/Crunch Bar | | 75% | Jolly Ranchers | | 75% | Twix | | 60% | M&M\'s | | 60% |
*What Type of Candy Are You?* (w/pics.)
created with QuizFarm.com |
Just so happened that hershey and reese are my favourite and second favourite respectively in that list. haha.
then this one from the link on cq's blog.
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/6711512663497470889/Quick-Painless-ENNEAGRAMYour Score: 8 - the Asserter you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka "The Challenger").
"I must be strong"Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.
How to Get Along with Me
- Stand up for yourself... and me.
- Be confident, strong, and direct.
- Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
- Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender,
vulnerable side. - Give me space to be alone.
- Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
- I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's
a personal attack. - When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just
the way I am.
What I Like About Being a EIGHT
- being independent and self-reliant
- being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
- being courageous, straightforward, and honest
- getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
- supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
- upholding just causes
What's Hard About Being a EIGHT
- overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
- being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
- sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
- never forgetting injuries or injustices
- putting too much pressure on myself
- getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when
things don't go right
EIGHTs as Children Often
- are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
- are sometimes loners
- seize control so they won't be controlled
- figure out others' weaknesses
- attack verbally or physically when provoked
- take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings
I'm not sure how accurate this is..but CQ thinks his was extremely accurate..maybe the how to get along part is rather accurate, but the others i'm not so sure. never thought of myself this way before..
Labels: C, life, quiz, W
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