iBleach- Soul Generation of Music

Saturday, September 29, 2007

patheticalness

Maybe it's partially stress related. But I'm so easily depressed recently. Right now, I'm feeling disappointed with myself. In fact, I get the feeling that I dislike myself again. It's like...I despise myself. Got over that, but it came back again. I can't say that there weren't events triggering this, but..I don't know.

I hate that I rely on people so much. I hate that physically, I have the ability to survive alone. I can make sound judgement on my own often enough, I'm quite independent in managing my stuff..i can make decisions...but emotionally, I'm a wreck on my own. I need to be around people constantly. i need people i can trust, people i can tell. i need people to understand me. That's...pathetic.

I hate myself for that.

i hate it even more that i'm wishing that someone could understand me more. The act of expecting..or wanting someone, a particular person, to understand you makes me all the more despicable. it's stupid. it's inviting disappointment, coz you will never be completely satisfied, not on this earthly level. it's pathetic. I'm a pathetic fool.

And I bet by now, I lost everyone. Nobody knows what I'm talking about anymore.

The emotional rollarcoaster is back, and this blog is..starting to showcase everything I despise myself for. So the next time I blog, it shall be on non-negative stuff. I promise myself. This might mean a period of hiatus..might..it might not. depends on how well i can control myself.

Labels: thoughts

12:42 PM

THE PRINCESS

name; melissa chan meiyi
age; 18
bdae; 210490
location; singapore

hates; hypocrites, betrayers and traitors
loves;

dr...(+)

more;

ad...(+)

~~adp~~ ~~rgs~~ ~~rjc~~

~~1/1~~ 2F 3M 4M 5P 6Q ~~106~~ ~~206~~ ~~310~~ ~~410~~ ~~08S05B~~

~~purple house~~ buckle ~~buckle-buckley~~

adp: ~~it club~~ ~~library~~ ~~eng drama~~ ~~chinese dance~~ ~~swimming~~

rg: ~~handbells~~ ~~library~~ rjc: ~~film society~~ ~~chinese orchestra~~ japanese cultural club (once in jcc always in jcc!)

-------------

I'm a girl, who's normal most of the time, but weird otherwise. My nickname in primary school was blurqueen, which was upgraded to BBQ Bizzarely Blurqueen in Secondary 2 during Primary 6 class reunion. I have a huge variety of interests, so I end up being very poor in time management.

random;
Friends, my brother and sisters, and my computer.
I take birthdays very seriously.
I love roses.
I love the late night.
I love manga and anime.
I love my cats, (schro)dinger and newton.
I love concerts.

Me @ Twitter

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THE KINGDOM

My DeviantART
My Livejournal (more private entries than public though, and much abandoned as of now.)