iBleach- Soul Generation of Music

Saturday, April 07, 2007

God.

i just put my blog address onto my msn nick. once again. shucks. i guess i'm still secretly hoping for that person to be interested enough to want to read about my thoughts and my life. fine.

i need self discipline. i need to learn to restrict my own behavior. and emotions.
and i think i blog too many tiny non-substance entries on holidays.

i thought about God a few minutes ago. been rather long time since i last thought of Him. since i renounced my 'Christianity'. ouch. this is sensitive. but i felt like i need to talk about it.

I was rather desperate just now. desperate for something to rely on. i felt like i have the most un-supportive parents of all. like how sherry's dad went out of the way to make props for her for bbdf, how royce's parents were actually interested enough in his thoughts and feelings to want to read his blog. and contrast that with mine. i guess i might be a bit unfair in my judgement of them, since whenever i am sick they'll show concern, and i admit that my mum genuinely gets worried when i am out late. but whoever's dad makes jokes at his daughter's expense, in front of outsiders even?? just today, my dad 'joked' that seeing me at the dinner table makes him lose appetite.

my mum noticed my reduced intake of food...coz i didn't go for second helping. looks like my diet might be ruined.

anywayz, i told her that my appetite becomes smaller when i don't go to school. and my dad said that seeing me at the dinner table makes his appetite smaller.

i'm supposed to be taking that as a joke.

i supposed i am used to it already. but that doesn't make it okay. i've been taking this kind of "jokes" for as long as i have lived, and i am still not OKAY with it. i just gave up feeling overly upset over it.

so as usual, my parents refuse to give support over every single thing i do. the most they'll do is tolerate it. since the things i do are all so out of the family norm. so yea, just like what happened tonight. don wanna talk about it.

and i thought of God. for support. it worked i guess. i'm actually shocked. surprised that it worked. i mean, i've forsaken him for so long..

Nope. i'm not going back. The term 'Christians' is quite a superficial categorization. being what i am now, i don have to conform to what the 'Christians' believe, or how they act. I'm just myself. it's a bit like back to basics. i guess. knowing Him through living.

man, i hope none of my Christian friends ever read this. or i'll be in deep shit. and in for lots more brainwashing.

I think I've been quite blessed so far actually. He must really love me to give me such a life. as much as i dwell in self-pity sometimes, I do realise that my life is one of the best. I get to be in such a great primary school which i loved, in a great united class (which is united enough in driving away a teacher once XP), in having great friends and memories all the way back from primary school (like shan and sammie). I'm lucky enough to get into RG though i don't work hard enough, thus get to experience the sour parts of life such as betrayers and backstabs, all the while being supported by friends like shan and sammie. Now, into the RJ chapter, and maturing, in thoughts and emotions. long overdue growing up. and to meet great people, make great friends. learn to open up to new people. not on pretense, but really open up. and throwing reality into my face.

I'm like really really blessed.

Labels: thoughts

12:31 AM

THE PRINCESS

name; melissa chan meiyi
age; 18
bdae; 210490
location; singapore

hates; hypocrites, betrayers and traitors
loves;

dr...(+)

more;

ad...(+)

~~adp~~ ~~rgs~~ ~~rjc~~

~~1/1~~ 2F 3M 4M 5P 6Q ~~106~~ ~~206~~ ~~310~~ ~~410~~ ~~08S05B~~

~~purple house~~ buckle ~~buckle-buckley~~

adp: ~~it club~~ ~~library~~ ~~eng drama~~ ~~chinese dance~~ ~~swimming~~

rg: ~~handbells~~ ~~library~~ rjc: ~~film society~~ ~~chinese orchestra~~ japanese cultural club (once in jcc always in jcc!)

-------------

I'm a girl, who's normal most of the time, but weird otherwise. My nickname in primary school was blurqueen, which was upgraded to BBQ Bizzarely Blurqueen in Secondary 2 during Primary 6 class reunion. I have a huge variety of interests, so I end up being very poor in time management.

random;
Friends, my brother and sisters, and my computer.
I take birthdays very seriously.
I love roses.
I love the late night.
I love manga and anime.
I love my cats, (schro)dinger and newton.
I love concerts.

Me @ Twitter

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THE KINGDOM

My DeviantART
My Livejournal (more private entries than public though, and much abandoned as of now.)