iBleach- Soul Generation of Music

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

give me a rose.

You know many of the psychology tests or chain mails where they ask you weird questions? They always ask about your deepest fears. And I think mine would be loneliness. I felt real lonely while going home from drama fest rehearsals today. So lonely that I cried. But I'm okay. I feel so idiotic now...haha. I must have looked like some lunatic on the streets..haha.

But the thing is, I feel lonely very easily. Much too easy. I mean, I still feel lonely sometimes even when I am amongst people, and that is incredible. But JC really made life so much happier for me. And that isn't a political statement or anything. It's real sincere. I mean, I can feel real sad and lonely, and suddenly Eugene sms me a message "Rabbit!". (Inside joke, haha.) and all of a sudden I felt so much better. Of coz, he didn't know how I was feeling...but having great pple around you really helps.

And to think that some of that may change nxt week, after the o-levels results are released this friday. NICE people like Hien and QY may not stay in school. How would I have coped with that? Of coz, they obviously will stay. I'm not being optimistic...it's just unlikely that they will have to go. BUT there's still a remote possibility. And truth is I felt bonded enough to miss them already. I'm a person person. I get attached to people real easy. and that's really bad for me...especially in JC life.
Coz I'm still paranoid. To a certain extent, I have let down my guard...but that's a huge risk for me to take I think. I realized that people can hurt me very easily, without even meaning to...only a few would understand what i mean.

The pace in JC's so fast.......RJCO briefing today and all of a sudden, I realized....or rather sub-consciously I already knew, but I just needed that nudge to get it into my conscious mind....that in just 5 mths or so, JC's gonna be ours. The J2s will go and mug and we will rule the school. Figuratively. Everything's damn fast. Rumors start and spread fast....Tests and stuff comes crashing down on us fast...I hated CSE damn fast. seriously. Every time I think I am getting used to it, it pushes me towards the edge again. I cannot get used to it. Not yet anyway.

And Valentines is coming....Noticed the booth offering roses and Hersey chocolates today. Makes me wish that I'll get a rose too! Not that I wanna secret admirer (though that would be nice too) but......it's just that it feels real nice to receive something. You get this sweet feeling that someone bothered to send you something to wish you happy valentines. But somehow in my 4 yrs of RG, I only received presents in sec4. does that mean i was pathetic in sec 1-3? okay, shit, i m getting emo again...
But thing is, I really love roses....*hint hint* X)

OH....JOKE OF THE DAY. Put a box of Tic Tac near your foot. What do you get? TIC TAC TOE! =P (couped from eugene)

Labels: random, school, thoughts

11:51 PM

THE PRINCESS

name; melissa chan meiyi
age; 18
bdae; 210490
location; singapore

hates; hypocrites, betrayers and traitors
loves;

dr...(+)

more;

ad...(+)

~~adp~~ ~~rgs~~ ~~rjc~~

~~1/1~~ 2F 3M 4M 5P 6Q ~~106~~ ~~206~~ ~~310~~ ~~410~~ ~~08S05B~~

~~purple house~~ buckle ~~buckle-buckley~~

adp: ~~it club~~ ~~library~~ ~~eng drama~~ ~~chinese dance~~ ~~swimming~~

rg: ~~handbells~~ ~~library~~ rjc: ~~film society~~ ~~chinese orchestra~~ japanese cultural club (once in jcc always in jcc!)

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I'm a girl, who's normal most of the time, but weird otherwise. My nickname in primary school was blurqueen, which was upgraded to BBQ Bizzarely Blurqueen in Secondary 2 during Primary 6 class reunion. I have a huge variety of interests, so I end up being very poor in time management.

random;
Friends, my brother and sisters, and my computer.
I take birthdays very seriously.
I love roses.
I love the late night.
I love manga and anime.
I love my cats, (schro)dinger and newton.
I love concerts.

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THE KINGDOM

My DeviantART
My Livejournal (more private entries than public though, and much abandoned as of now.)