Monday, March 30, 2009
Kahhou was right. All I needed to set my life right is a job. Even though the job's really slack, it fills my life up, and suddenly it feels on track again!
It's funny (and ironic) how I have such bad time management, copes with tight schedules badly, and yet I cannot survive when I'm too free. >.<
But anyway, now I feel upbeat and life feels meaningful haha. I even volunteered for the Singapore Arts Festival. Just emailed the form over minutes ago haha. Whee~~
Oh! And I just got an SMIP card from AMK Hub Zone X too. Man, I want an e-amusement card, then I can play more songs on JuBeat. Then again, I'm so noob so it probably doesn't matter XD.
And I got a really really really pretty kitty shirt!! =D Wanted to get the bag version, but the design doesn't have the size I want. Sigh. So oh well, the shirt is nice! Even though white ran out, I got the black one instead. But still pretty...XD shall wear for Jap Club Camp I think =D
Or maybe I'll wear school clothes.
Or bring and then change into it. LOL.
ah, see how first bah. whee~ life is fun. =D
Labels: life
Friday, March 27, 2009
I'm so bored at work, with nothing to do, I'm seriously considering writing something. Then perhaps I won't be so bored, and my language might improve! With the added benefit that typing might make me look busier too. LOL. Since I'm supposed to create the impression that I'm busy when the boss is in the office.
The person in-charge of me is really nice, being my mother's age and all. The girl I'm replacing is two years older than me and really fun too. She's actually in NTU, but she doesn't go for the lectures, just go for the exams LOL? Damn cool. She happens to be the niece of my person in-charge too. The job's easy too.
Plus, I don't have to do personal things behind their backs. LOL. They're cool with it. =D
P.S. Typing with colemak once again. So never practice qwerty le. Skills shall degen man. =S
EDIT (18:00): Spent the past hour brainstorming for an idea to write on. Kinda struck on something bah. LOL. but no, I'm not going to show anyone if i do embark on it. muahahahaha.
Labels: jobs, life
5:09 PM
Nowadays, I blog only in the middle of the night. Even though for the past two weeks, I have been jobless and completely free the entire day (for most days anyway).
But as of today (27/3) I'm no longer unemployed!
Yes, today. Since it's past midnight. I'm reporting for work at Raffles Place later at 9am. Temp admin. Familiar territory, so there shouldn't be much of a problem I hope?
Oh, and must remember to go down to Zone X at AMK Hub to get SMIP card! Conveniently I lost my Tapz card too...So I can't transfer the points over. Oh well.
Labels: life
Monday, March 23, 2009
I probably should be writing properly, rather than adding random sniplets of thoughts, links, pictures, whatever not into this blog. The blog deserves better. While talking to shuyi today, I noticed (randomly once again) that the blog must be one of the oldest I've ever kept. It's almost 3 years now. The other blog which I kept as an archive *hurriedly goes back to my dashboard to check how long I kept the blog for* was started in December 2004 and shut down in April 2006. That's 1 and a half years. I believe I've written online much more than I've written in any physical diary (yes, a computer fanatic like me kept physical diaries). So much of me, all on the internet, a medium considered by most people to be the greatest violation of privacy.
I'm not sure whether I've ever mentioned this in my entries before, but there is a reason to why I shower my thoughts and emotions so openly (and randomly) online. It may not have been conscious when I first dabbled with the internet, but as I grow up and learn more about myself, it became apparent. I used to find someone who understands me. By the definition of that childish immature me, empathising is not the same as understanding. To me, understanding can only occur when the person is similar to me, if not exactly the same as me.
Obviously, that's not possible. We are all created to be different. Even the most similar people have their differences. Thus I lived my life disappointed, while hopeful that some day I'll find a friend like that. I know, you must be thinking, "What you have said sounds like you were finding what people call a 'soulmate'!". Maybe. In fact, there was a period of time I called it as that. I wasn't secretive about my goals at all. I'm vocal, constantly searching. If anyone had the heart and mind to, they would have heard me and took me seriously. All I wanted was a friend.
My thinking have changed since though. Having gotten to know some people who are highly similar to me, in terms of personality, thoughts and emotions, I realise that you may not always truely desire your ideals. Having someone who is your replica can be problematic too, especially when you possesses characteristics which make you repel people of the same kind - in my case, stubborness. Of course, things are not simple like that. But these are just some of the factors that make something which is impossible in the first place, undesirable.
God creates things, invent rules, make the world work the way it is, all for a reason huh?
Everyone around me has been getting sweet with their significant halves recently. I shall not name names lest I invade on their privacy or betray their trust (although they have in no way displayed desire to keep whatever they have shared with me private). Human nature makes us desire to be loved, to be cared for. All I've ever encountered is hurt and disappointment huh? Everything happens for a reason. It's probably to build me up, grow me as a person, and I agree I'm not ready yet. It gets tiring though. To have my friends regard me as their "cupid" or "love advisor" just aggravates the matter. It's kind of oxymoronic. I'd be lying if I claim that I don't crave for some romance in my life, especially with stories of what their girlfriend or boyfriend did (topped with chocolate cream, rice, and a little cherry on top to make it even sweeter) pour in on all sides. I'd welcome any romantic encounters with arms wide open when the time comes, when Father finally grants it to me. For now though, I'm not ready, not to mention I kind of lost faith in guys as guys now. They may make great friends, but nothing more (Majority of my friends are guys for a reason. they are fun. Seriously. Sorry sammie and ning and a lot of my close girlfriends who I cannot name due to space constraints. You guys are fun too. Just in a different way.).
It's so funny that yesterday my mum suddenly got worried that I might not want to get married in the future. It seems that she got so used to me dating, that now that I've stopped, her imagination starts running wild. She was careful with her words too. It went something along the lines of, I support you in your decision if you want to focus on your university education, you were disappointed with your A level results, and I agree that relationships have an impact on studies more or less...just stay as good friends first, but eventually getting married is an important part of life without which you wouldn't be experiencing life in totality...blah blah blah blah blah. Funny the person who told me when I was in primary school that boyfriends are strictly off limits till university got worried when I stopped dating.
And now I realised how much I've ranted. The last time I ranted so much without realising it till it's way too long must be J1. Sigh, good old days. If I carry on the trend, I bet my friends shall go back to the habit of skimming, or even not reading my blog already. Haha.
P.S. Such a long entry probably drowned what I posted earlier. If anyone wants to go for Good News Singapore...Tell me kay? So I know who to look out for if I do go. haha.
Labels: life, musing, thoughts
12:41 AM
http://www.goodnewssingapore.com/Found this online. Not sure if I'll go yet. Depends on situation.
Labels: events
Sunday, March 22, 2009
All of a sudden, I became inspired (less than 10 seconds ago). I have come to realise that I have NOT been doing majority of the things I said I would do after A levels. Thing is, I may even have lost track. So here's a list. Yesh.
- Reading the Bible more often, everyday if possible - in progress, though kinda undisciplined >.<
- Watch good films. A good step would be to get that premium membership from NLB.
- Learn Japanese. Procrastinated long enough. - in progress, maybe a bit more disciplined, but not quite enough.
- Learn PHP - This is like one thing that I'm actually doing right.
- Revamp my blog. Possibly do a site.
Okay, these are the few more immediate and urgent ones. The less important ones like watching animes (which I kinda didn't have the discipline to sustain through too. Can you imagine? I can't even complete 3 series since A levels were over.)
OH, and i seriously need a job. Like, how the hell am I going to afford the kittens' booster shots next month if I don't work. Sigh.
Labels: life
Friday, March 20, 2009
Source:
http://www.xkcd.com/557/Awww...isn't this nice to know? LOL.
Labels: random, school
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Source:
http://wttf.org/2009/02/14/not-just-normal-staring/Sigh, I haven't blogged in such a long time. As most who knows me well prolly would have guessed...yup, I didn't score that well on A levels. Oh well, I'll do better in uni! And get a scholarship in the second year or something.
Did so much reflection these few days. Nobody would ever realise how much I've changed this few days though. Nope, my OOC-ness this couple of days is not a result of that change. It shall pass. The change is more in my attitude towards life, my plans, my priorities. More like an added drive in my journey ahead. Haha.
But more importantly, I love my friends more than ever now. Don't know how I'd be without them. To all who I threw a tantrum at on Friday or Saturday, sorry.
So anyway, life shall be better! I have my kittens anyway <3
Labels: friends, kittens, life, school
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Things always come crashing down together.
I'll only be working in RG till 13th. Apparently they only need me for ad hoc after 13th. So I need to look for another job. Mum thinks that it's cause I was lousy at work or something. It may be so, it may not. But anyway, she was so serious about it she came in to lecture me about it, and to inform me that I will never make it in life.
She really believes in that I think. That I'll never survive on my own. While it's true that my wide interests prevented me from excelling in anything at all, it's really hurting to hear your parents telling you they think you'll perish. She thinks I still persist in my primary school ways of thinking, when I have the most impractical and idealistic plans. True, I'm still rather idealistic, but no where near to the extent to how she thinks of me. Imagine my reaction when she accused me of that, and imagine her face when I told her what my back up plans were, when I don't get into architecture. Yea, note that I used the word when, not if.
My mum doesn't believe in me either anyway.
My sister doesn't too.
Subconsciously, my friends don't too. Don't protest, but you know I won't excel in stuff. And don't try saying politically correct things either. No need to comfort me or anything. I know. I suck at studies afterall. And I have no talent.
If I had no idea what to do for my future earlier on tonight, complaining to my friends, ranting to raphael sammie and roger. Then I'm even worse now.
What's the point when the entire world, including myself, doesn't believe in me anymore.
Everything's my fault, my blame. Every time. Without fail. Anyway.
Labels: life
