iBleach- Soul Generation of Music

Friday, March 23, 2007

(from a school computer)

I'm suffering from lack of computer. seriously. and that half of my soul missing, confiscated along with the computer, is taking its own sweet time to regenerate. X(

Yesterday, I became happy. I set a dateline to get over everything I'm experiencing now by Thursday. But then, I cheered up. Mysteriously. Maybe it's coz I like the feeling of having friends. But I never cheered up like that before. I've been out with friends, very close friends in fact, stoning and doing everything I did yesterday night. But, I never cheered up like that before.

Life is mysterious.

Anyway, as I thought it would be, the cheer lasted till today. Maybe I don't really feel 'cheerful' right now. But at least, I feel at peace. But that maybe because I didn't see that someone today at all in school. Or maybe I really will succeed, even before Thursday.

It makes sense to say that I fell in love with the feeling of love. Since when I was young, I felt that I wasn't being loved enough. Right now, I'm not so sure if I still feel that way. But that's because I have not thought about it for such a long time.

Straying away from my current train of thoughts. There is a friend. A friend I've only made in JC, and I felt close to. But recently if feels like we are drifting. Not in the deliberate way, but naturally. Why??
Maybe it's because I'm getting to know too many people. History tends to repeat itself. This has happened so many times that I've lost count. Just that the last time this happened felt like ages ago. or maybe it's been ages ago since I felt like I've made a true 'friend' friend.

I feel at peace. ZEN. or maybe it's just numbness. Maybe after a while, the numbness will start to hurt, like a hand soaked in ice water. I hope the numbness stays forever then.

I don't wanna zen out in JC. I wanted it to be the two years that I actually lived. I wanna experience it in happiness. Happeningz. is that too much to ask for?

And I realised something else last night. I'm pretentious, or what jiang ning calls 'artificial', to a certain extent. But I think everyone's pretentious to a certain extent. Whether because they wanna please someone, or whether they wanna convince themselves of who they are. It's part and parcel of creating an identity? A stage you must go through constantly?
So I shan't worry anymore. Sammie always tells me to worry less. I should quit worrying so much.

I must start doing work. I'll do work, and survive, and be at peace with my heart. And one day, nothing will affect me. Or at least not affect me to such a great extent, like it is affecting me now.

Labels: thoughts

3:02 PM

THE PRINCESS

name; melissa chan meiyi
age; 18
bdae; 210490
location; singapore

hates; hypocrites, betrayers and traitors
loves;

dr...(+)

more;

ad...(+)

~~adp~~ ~~rgs~~ ~~rjc~~

~~1/1~~ 2F 3M 4M 5P 6Q ~~106~~ ~~206~~ ~~310~~ ~~410~~ ~~08S05B~~

~~purple house~~ buckle ~~buckle-buckley~~

adp: ~~it club~~ ~~library~~ ~~eng drama~~ ~~chinese dance~~ ~~swimming~~

rg: ~~handbells~~ ~~library~~ rjc: ~~film society~~ ~~chinese orchestra~~ japanese cultural club (once in jcc always in jcc!)

-------------

I'm a girl, who's normal most of the time, but weird otherwise. My nickname in primary school was blurqueen, which was upgraded to BBQ Bizzarely Blurqueen in Secondary 2 during Primary 6 class reunion. I have a huge variety of interests, so I end up being very poor in time management.

random;
Friends, my brother and sisters, and my computer.
I take birthdays very seriously.
I love roses.
I love the late night.
I love manga and anime.
I love my cats, (schro)dinger and newton.
I love concerts.

Me @ Twitter

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THE KINGDOM

My DeviantART
My Livejournal (more private entries than public though, and much abandoned as of now.)