Wednesday, June 20, 2007
I did it again. This laptop wouldn't work hours ago. And dad was too "tired" to fix it for me. So I was supposed to wait till tomorrow night to use my com. But computer is half my soul. I suffered from withdrawal syndrome and went a bit bonkers and "emotionally unstable". Walls were closing onto me, loneliness and helplessness....Until moments ago, I just couldn't take it anymore. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And I slammed my beloved lappy again. And it worked.
Sorry lappy. I'll TRY not to do it again. =)
But really, I'm too addicted. That few hours of com-less-ness made me realise that without my computer on in my room, I don't have the mood to do anything. No mood to practise my guitar, nor my keyboard, no mood to read...nothing. Most importantly, no mood to STUDY. lol. And i realise that I missed my music collection. haha. Speaking of which, I heard a song by Gary Jules on Grey's Anatomy today (Falling Awake) and went to download a few more others by him. He's quite good. Or rather, I like that kinda music, but I just don't get exposure to them that often. So I don't know the artistes who do that kinda music.
Oh, and a miracle happened today. My dad decided that he shall take a look at my "spoilt" keyboard, and so I plugged the keyboard in......And it worked like nothing happened. I guess it didn't work that time coz my sister blew moisture into the keyboard, but now that the moisture dried up, it works as per normal? Oh heck. So I practised the fingering CY thought me the other time, and I think I'm getting a lot better! yay! =)
Played Pangya today too. Coz I was desperate for anything to get away from Physics. Really. Physics is worse than math. At least when I look at math, I know roughly what means what. I know a minus sign means you gotta subtract things. But Physics? No.....My mind goes *poof* - BLANK.
I know, procrastination gets me nowhere. I will start on physics. soon.
Yining and Sammie coming over for a Study Sleepover tomorrow! haha. My mum's not very approving of the idea of a study sleepover....but...oh wells.
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Maybe I sound a bit happier than I really am today. Maybe it's the excitement of my slamming of the lappy actually working. But I really felt at a lost today. I don't know what I am doing, where I'm heading towards. Life seems meaningless. Not the first time I felt that though, so I suppose it'll pass. Nevertheless...The sudden bout of loneliness wouldn't go away. The blurry patch of darkness still looms in front of me. How does darkness appear blurry? But it's that way for me anyway. I'm just a small tiny being in this entire universe. The universe - vast emptiness. Who will actually miss me if I were gone? What difference would it have made? Really. If I were to tell myself that my life has a meaning, a meaning of significance. Then I would really be deluding myself.
As water comes down on me, I cry, senselessly, meaninglessly. My tears blending with everything else, like they don't exist in the first place.When has it been since this kinda...whatcha call it.....state of mind. State of soul. When has it been since this kinda state of soul last settled over me? I know stuff that triggers it..Particular incidents, or perhaps recounting certain parts of my past....my childhood perhaps? haha. It always start it off, like an endless ball of yarn rolling down the hill. The cat started it. Man, I have weird sense for imagery. Haha. Oh wells...
That's what made me different from Sammie and Yining I guess.
As Sammie said...
"We are all so different."Labels: holidays, life, thoughts
