iBleach- Soul Generation of Music

Friday, January 19, 2007

daydream

I think too much. And that's the result of daydreaming too much. I daydream about thing which are impossible, highly unlikely to happen. Or about things that I know I would never ever do. Or about things that I know I just cannot make it.
So I should stop right? but whatever happened to the idea that DAYDREAMING is part of the fun of being young? I guess my personality plays a huge role..I'm too stubborn. And getting into the Raffles family didn't help at all. All it did was made me more stubborn than ever, and also bringing out the competitive streak that was inside me all along but never got discovered till I got into secondary. I hate losing. So whenever I fail in something I get really dissapointed. Similarly, when my daydreams become far from reality, I bordered despair/depression. Yeah, that's how much they affect me.
So daydreams are not good for a person like me. yeah. but i just can't stop. I keep telling myself...but I just can't stop, not even now. Not even when I know all these things that I am imagining are not true. I must be mad. And yeah, I worry too much.
I'm really not normal in my thoughts. I am too emo. I am stubborn. I am weird. Very strongly opinionated. but yet, not courageous enough to voice them out...yet stubborn enough to defend them when threatened. I am really not normal. And I scare people off...people who I get along real well..who are potentially great friends..by these thoughts. And yet I still type them on this tiny blog with a remote chance of them chancing upon it and reading these scary weird overly paranoid thoughts.

But it won't be fair to people for them to befriend me without knowing who they are befriending.

Who I am, beneath this super cheerful exterior..beneath my super frequent extreme mood swings..beneath my super depressed exterior..beneath my crazy behaviors..beneath my fun loving character..and beneath my sometimes very sianz can't be borthered self. Seriously, I am oxymoronic. And i guess you could tell that I am feeling real emo right now. sigh.

School is better than I expected though. More hectic...and I don't know what the heck is going on. But nevertheless better. I actually felt like a participant, and no longer pure observer. This is the first time, since the past four years, that I actually felt that I belong to a school. That I am not an outsider. Don't get me wrong..I love rg, and i'll nvr forget it. but i love rj even more. maybe it's still a bit too early to say that..but i got to know such great pple! People like Hien...Jason..I'd never know them if I chose to go ngee ann poly instead. maybe this is the one time that I am glad my mum insisted her way. I think I'll cope. Life is great now, though hectic. I wouldn't want bad grades to affect it, or change it in anyway. So, I won't slack. Seriously. I've got to study and make my A levels work. And that would mean elminating all my character flaws..Procrastination..Low sense of responsibility..Stubborness..Everything. I've got to learn how to do things faster, do things on time, and learn not to take up too much that i cannot handle. secondary school was a lesson for me to learn. I've got to get my priorities right.
haha...don't think anyone will bother to read this post lah. sounds so senseless and ramble. i'll post another less emo post =) and talk abt normal stuff! yay! this post actually got my emo mood out..haha.

Labels: thoughts

6:38 PM

THE PRINCESS

name; melissa chan meiyi
age; 18
bdae; 210490
location; singapore

hates; hypocrites, betrayers and traitors
loves;

dr...(+)

more;

ad...(+)

~~adp~~ ~~rgs~~ ~~rjc~~

~~1/1~~ 2F 3M 4M 5P 6Q ~~106~~ ~~206~~ ~~310~~ ~~410~~ ~~08S05B~~

~~purple house~~ buckle ~~buckle-buckley~~

adp: ~~it club~~ ~~library~~ ~~eng drama~~ ~~chinese dance~~ ~~swimming~~

rg: ~~handbells~~ ~~library~~ rjc: ~~film society~~ ~~chinese orchestra~~ japanese cultural club (once in jcc always in jcc!)

-------------

I'm a girl, who's normal most of the time, but weird otherwise. My nickname in primary school was blurqueen, which was upgraded to BBQ Bizzarely Blurqueen in Secondary 2 during Primary 6 class reunion. I have a huge variety of interests, so I end up being very poor in time management.

random;
Friends, my brother and sisters, and my computer.
I take birthdays very seriously.
I love roses.
I love the late night.
I love manga and anime.
I love my cats, (schro)dinger and newton.
I love concerts.

Me @ Twitter

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THE KINGDOM

My DeviantART
My Livejournal (more private entries than public though, and much abandoned as of now.)